Desperation
by Rezol
Summary: Forced to watch helplessly while Buffy's life is slipping away Dawn makes a split second decision that may let her keep her sister, but at what cost?
1. chapter 1

This moment would forever be burned in Dawn's memory. She dropped the small knife she had grabbed to try and defend herself as she knelt down next to her older sister. Buffy was sprawled out on the floor, unconscious and broken after pummeling the Hell bitch. Dawn used both hands to try to stop the flow of blood from the gaping hole in the Slayers leg. She put as much pressure on it as she could while her hand grew wet and sticky with the hot blood that was pooling out of the mortal wound. Regardless, the puddle underneath them on the floor of the magic shop's training room just kept spreading. It's impossible the amount of blood one person could hold, she kept thinking as she tried in vain to hold the hole in her sister's femoral artery closed. She could feel the tears running down her cheeks as a sob tried to build in her throat but her voice was to raw from the screaming she'd already done when the first of the little scabby henchmen had burst into the shop, it seemed like hours ago but in reality was probably only a few minutes.

Dawn took a deep breath and almost choked on the copper tinged air. She looked at the chaos around her as she tried to find anything that could help her stop the bleeding caused by the sword Glory had thrown at her to try and anger the Slayer - obviously Glory had never learned she was the key. Buffy had intercepted the deadly projectile meant for her, but had gotten badly hurt because of it. It hadn't immediately stopped her sister from fighting though, but it had caused an enraged snarl to erupt from the other fighter in the room at the time. She took note of how everything was trashed, broken equipment, weapons, and more than a dozen bodies belonging to Glory's minions scattered everywhere. Dawn's eyes paused though when they passed over the body that was a mer five feet away. The one person that Buffy and the scoobies had spent so long trying to keep her away from.

Ben, the nice intern from the hospital lay just out of arms reach with his neck twisted at an unnatural angle and wearing women's clothes. She remembered seeing him change after Buffy used the last of her strength to pummel Glory with the troll hammer. Glory went down, Buffy went down, but then Ben stood up. Dawn was so shocked she barely had enough time to register Ben's look of horror and confusion before the only other person who had been with her and Buffy in the magic box, the other one who had been fighting fist and fang too keep her safe, stepped up behind the unsuspecting Hell god turned man. Dawn watched as a bloody and barely standing Spike took the interns head in his hands and twisted it sideways with an audible crack that seemed to echo around the then still room. The silence you would expect to follow such an act never came though. Instead Spike grabbed his own head and began to scream in anguish as the chip fired in his brain, punishment for the action of killing what it registered as a human. Dawn could only imagine the pain he had endured in order to do the deed. It wasn't long after Spike had fallen down to the floor that he started bleeding from his eyes and passed out. At least Dawn hoped he was only passed out, she kept telling herself that if he wasn't dust he would heal.

Dawn snapped back to reality when she realized the flow of blood from Buffy's wound had slowed. She looked at her sister's face, hoping to see some sort of sign that her slayer healing had kicked in, but her sisters deathly pale face only made Dawn fear the worst.

"Come on Buffy, please, wake up!" she begged hoarsely right before a single sob managed to make itself heard. Then, as if the sound of the sob had been the magic word, she watched as Buffy's eyes slowly fluttered open. The Slayer's eyes searched for the sound and Dawn managed a weak but hopeful whimper. Buffy's eyes slowly dragged towards Dawns face and she felt a weak smile try to form only to slide away as she realized that her sister's eyes seemed unable to focus.

She heard Buffy take a ragged, difficult breath that sounded sickly and wet as she managed to exhale. The sound made Dawn afraid she had a hole in her lung. Buffy's lips lightly moved even though the rest of her was more still than Dawn had ever seen her. She leaned in closer in case Buffy was trying to say something. "Buffy it'll be okay, the bleeding is stopping, please tell me what else I need to do," Dawn begged after a long few seconds had passed with her leaning as close as she could get to her sisters face. Buffy still hadn't said anything. Dawn listened to the sound of her sister struggling to breath while she watched her eyes still trying to focus.She was about to say something else, to beg her sister to be okay when she felt a pressure on her leg. She looked down to see Buffy had managed to move her hand to rest on her lap. Dawn quickly took her hand in her own. When Buffy felt her, she closed her eyes as if gathering her strength and took a deep breath that was accompanied by a bubbly crackle noise from her chest. Dawns entire being froze at the nightmarish sound. When Buffy's eyes opened again they seemed to look right though her.

"I'm sorry Dawnie, love you," Buffy managed to whisper out pausing as she tapped into her final reserve of strength " so much, I'm so sorry." As if her mission had been accomplished her eyes dropped closed and her hand slipped from Dawns grasp.

"BUFFY!" Dawn wailed, her aching throat managing to give voice to her agony. "Please no, don't give up, the bleeding is stopping you'll heal, please you'll be okay" she begged even as her eyesight grew blurrier. " FIGHT IT BUFFY, DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!" Dawn put one shaking hand on Buffy's throat and desperately felt for a pulse like she had been taught in the first aide class they'd had in school. She was hard pressed to hold her sobs in as well as her breath, as she desperately tried to find a pulse. Time slowed to a crawl and she could almost physically feel the seconds ticking by. Finally, but just barely, she felt a weak chug in the artery as if to signal hope, but Dawn wasn't stupid, she forced herself to acknowledge the hard truth that unless someone was about to come through that door with all the necessary things for a transfusion that Buffy was going to die, she was going to be left alone. She had lost too much blood and there was nothing Dawn could do to stop her sister from dying, she was just going to have to sit there and watch the only person she had left that she considered her family slip away and leave her alone. She knew there weren't even minutes left with her sister. The sobs broke loose.

She could feel her heart crumbling, she tried not to but she had to look away from the sight of her sisters pale face. When she turned her head though, her sight landed on another person just as pale as her sister that Dawn knew was actually supposed to be that way. Her eyes grew wide as she quickly flashed back to a quiet time not long ago in a crypt where she had gone to get away for a while, a crypt where the man she was now staring at laughed at her question.

 _"If a vampire went and replaced a bunch of the blood from the hospital with bags of vamp blood could they cause the people that got the infusions to turn into vamps or do they have to be almost dead. Do you actually have to be bitten to turn?" A curious Dawn had asked the Vamp as he sat atop one of the sarcophagus and repainted his nails black as he listened to the teen ramble on. He just cocked his head to the side and laughed._

 _"What kinds of shows have you been watchin' on that telly, bit? Your sister's the slayer, you should know how turning works" He chuckled, she'd just rolled her eyes._

 _"I know that vamp bite human, vamp drink blood, vamp give human blood, human die, then a few days later you have a new vamp popping out of the ground like a daisy ready for my sister to dust." Dawn had shot back with a healthy load of sarcasm._

 _Spike smirked at her teenage attitude._ _"Well, if you get down to basics, then that's right. To answer your question though, yes and no."_ _Dawn quirked her eyebrow at his unclear answer but he had ignored her and continued. "The person has to be almost dead BEACAUSE they were drained of blood. It can't be because they had a heart attack or some other thing like that. So IF some vamp did put a bunch of their blood in the hospital and the person that got it was so low on blood that they were about to die, then theoretically it could work. It's not really necessary for us to drink their blood only for the human to get ours. Never heard of anything like that happenin' though because where's the fun if you don't get all that nummy blood in the process?" He had finished his explanation with a wiggle of his eyebrows to show he was making a joke._

Dawn had laughed at the time but at this current moment the humor in the explanation was shoved to the side so she could focus on the facts that Spike had shared with her. Before she could talk herself out of it, she shot to her feet, ignoring that it was Buffy's lifeblood that she felt dripping down her legs and into her shoes. She shot over to the unconscious vampire and grabbed him under his arms. He was battered and bleeding a bit from the fight and the blood coming from his nose, ears, and eyes from his chip firing didn't look to promising, but she had seen worse injuries than these on the vamp before. He was bigger and taller than her and about as close to the definition of dead weight as you could get, but desperation and adrenaline fueled her efforts and she managed to drag him the short way to Buffy's side. Without pause, because if she gave herself even a millisecond to think about what she was about to do she might change her mind, she grabbed the knife she had previously dropped. Gritting her teeth against the idea of hurting her surrogate big brother, she held the blade to Spikes wrist and cut deep. The comatose vamp never even twitched, which she took as a good sign that she could get this done without any interference.

Dawn clamped her hand over the fresh cut while she made sure that Buffy's head was at just the right angle and then brought the bleeding wrist to the Slayers mouth. She waited. She counted the seconds as she kept her full attention on Buffy's throat. An eternity passed as Dawn silently prayed that her sister would swallow the blood that was quickly filling up her mouth. When the first bit of red liquid began to dribble from the corner of Buffy's lips and Dawn felt a brief moment of dread that she hadn't made it in time when miraculously she finally heard Buffy audibly swallow. Hope flared in her chest as she watched Buffy's throat move with the tell-tale signs that her sister was filling her belly with Spike's blood. The swallowing was steady and after that first few drops no more escaped Buffy's lips. Dawn continued to hold Spikes wrist up for Buffy while she finally allowed herself to believe that she wasn't going to lose her sister.

Several minutes later the swallowing stopped and the rise and fall of Buffy's chest ceased. Dawn dropped Spikes arm and then gathered her sister into her arms and prayed with her tears.


	2. Chapter 2

Dawn only allowed herself a few minutes to cry before she forced herself to think about what to do next. She took a deep breath to clear her head and began to plan. She knew she couldn't tell the gang what she'd done, if she did, they wouldn't let Buffy rise if they knew. Dawn was also aware that there was no way for her to get this mess cleaned up before someone came along. Luckily they were alone in the shop because Giles and Anya had been injured when another demon had attacked the magic box so Xander had taken them to the hospital. Willow and Tara had a late class and then a date so they wouldn't be around until tomorrow, so unless someone called them for an emergency. Dawn took stock of the carnage. Definitely an emergency but not one she wanted them here for. Dawn shakily stood up and made her way to the front of the shop after she arranged Spike and Buffy behind some mats so that if anyone did come in they wouldn't be out in the open. If she was going to think she couldn't be in same room with the source of the problem. Dawn took a seat at the research table and stared intently at the wood grain on the tabletop, any casual observer would have said she looked as if the table had done something to wrong to her in someway.

First things first, she needed to get Buffy and Spike to a safe place. Somewhere she could hide them. After several minutes of racking her brain for someone she could trust to help, she realized there was no way she could do this alone unless she brought in one person...well demon. She made her way to the phone on the counter and pulled out the phone book Anya kept in the drawer. Locating the number she needed she took a deep breath before dialing and waited, hoping the person she needed would be there. Dawn froze when she heard the other end pick up finally.

"Willy's Place. Willy here" she heard the snitch answer. Dawn chocked on the words she needed when confronted with the rushed tone of his greeting. "Is anyone there? I don't got time to be listening to mouth breathers." Dawn snapped her mouth shut but found her words before he could hang up.

"Um, is Clem there?" she asked hesitantly.

"Clem who, and whose askin' " he clipped back.

"He's a loose skinned demon, he plays poker in the back sometimes," Dawn paused gaining momentum because she remembered what her mother taught her about manners, but she also remembered what she had been told about the bar keep by Spike. He'd told her that he would walk all over anyone who would let him "As to who I am, I'm an acquaintance and that's all you need to know. Could you please just check to see if he's there." She answered with more force in her voice than she would normally use with an adult. She heard the phone being put down and after a few minutes of tense silence she heard the voice she needed.

"Hello?" Clem asked, sounding slightly confused as to why someone would be looking for him.

"Hi, I don't know if you remember me but this is Dawn. We met when you stopped by Spikes crypt a few weeks ago to drop some stuff off. He told me you were his friend and that he trusted you. That you were the only person who he told where he lived." She bit her lip nervously. She hoped he remembered.

"Oh yeah, you're the Slayers little sister. No offence but why would you be calling for me at Willy's?" he asked, sounding more confused by the second.

"Something's happened. Spikes in trouble and needs your help and I didn't know who else to call! I'm so happy that you answered and could you please please could you come help us? I have no one else I can trust. Could you please come to the magic box with a car please please please?" Dawn begged in one long rushed breath. She could almost hear the shocked silence.

"Can I talk to Spike first?" he tentatively asked.

"I would let you but he's kind of unconscious right now. The chip knocked him down and out for the count." She admitted. There was a heavy pause while Clem debated.

"Okay, but if this is trap to kill me by your friends or sister I will make sure a witch curses you guys... or haunt you or something. I'll be there in a few minutes." He finally answered. Dawn squealed excitedly.

"EEEE! Thank you so much Clem! Could you please come to the back entrance with a car? You're totally my favorite demon aside from Spike! I will totally make you cookies for this!" she exclaimed excitedly.

"That would be great, I love peanut butter if you know how to make those. See you soon." Then he hung up and left Dawn to wait. A few minutes later, just like he had said, Dawn heard the sound of a car pulling into the alley behind the shop. She went to the back door to let Clem in and when he stepped into the back and saw the carnage, he froze.

"To borrow one of Spikes sayings, bloody hell, what happened?" he asked while he looked around. Dawn looked Clem in the eyes when his inspection of the training room caused his sight to land on her and she broke down crying again. That startled him and he franticly tried to shush and calm down the teen. Dawn managed to get out most of the story, only leaving out the post battle decision she'd made, retelling it through bouts of sobbing that had the demon patting her nervously on the shoulder. When she was finished he turned and shut the door that that had been left standing wide open and then turned back to her. "Why did you call me and not your sisters friends?" Dawn hiccuped then swallowed so she could answer him clearly.

"Because I didn't want my friends to kill them" she sniffled.

"Who, all of the bad guys are dead it looks like." He observed. Dawn silently took his hand and led him to the mats close to the wall. She stopped when they had gotten to an angle where they could clearly see her sister and the vampire hidden between the wall and the mats.

"I wasn't talking about the bad guys." Clem was dumbstruck. Spike wasn't dust so he knew his friend would heal but it was the woman beside him that was freaking him out. The Slayer was clearly dead; there was no doubt in his mind. He may not have the enhanced senses some other demons did but he had seen his share of dead bodies to know. But the wording of her answer made him pause.

"I know what you're thinking so let me explain before you pull a total freak out okay. Remember how I said Spike was the one to kill Glory after she turned into that guy, Ben? My friends won't care that he was a hell god bent on destroying the world, they'll only care that he was human and that Spike killed him. They really don't like him and Xander would love any excuse to dust him. But my sister," Dawn paused while Clem shook his head in understanding, motioning for her to continue " She's only kinda dead." Dawn finished in a whisper. Clem squinted at her.

"What do you mean,'kinda dead'?'" he asked. Dawn bit her lip nervously and looked at anything other than him before answering.

"Look, I need you to understand that I only had Buffy and my mom because my dad completely abandoned us for his hussy of a secretary. Mom didn't know I knew but I'm not stupid. Then my Mom just died,Clem. She hasn't even been gone a month and I still miss her so much. I need my sister because she is all I have left so I made her drink Spikes blood before she bled out completely because I know that's how you make a vampire, Spike told me. Bleed them then and give them vamp blood. She was only dying because of me, it was all my fault. Glory was here because of ME. Buffy was only fighting to protect ME, and she pushed ME out of the way and took a sword to the leg that made her bleed out because of ME! ME! It's all my fault! I had to do something to save any part of her I could." Dawn admitted as she broke down in tears again.

Clem stared at her and then took a very deep breath to try and process everything he had just learned so he could make a decision. He listened to the young girl crying and he could just hear the heartache in her voice. It was breaking his own heart. Who ever said demons couldn't sympathize was a moron. "I'll help, just tell me if you have a plan or if we're going to be brainstorming?" He finally asked resigned. Dawn stopped crying and a small smile finally broke out across her face.

"If we take them back to my place and clean them up, I can store Spike in my moms room, no one wants to go in there yet because it's just too hard. I know the scoobies will stay out of it and I can make it look like Buffy is recovering in bed. I'll tell them that it was her that had to kill Ben and that she's really upset about it and just wants to be left alone for a while. I'll keep and eye on her until she's ready to talk to anyone. If they come over I'll just tell them she's taking a nap because she's still recovering from the fight, and IF they look in on her I'll have her in her pajamas and everything." Dawn laid out her plan. Clems' jaw dropped.

"Wow, you thought of almost everything. Lets amend that a little though. How about I take Spike back to my place to heal up. He's my buddy so I'll look after him and I'll make sure to come and check up on you too. Especially in three days since she should be waking up. You're going to need a LOT of blood to give her. Fledges are really hungry when they first rise. Are you sure you want her at your house? She may come after you when she comes around." Clem added with a bit of worry. Dawn shook her head.

"If you can get me the blood, I'll be fine. She won't attack me, she loves me, she's my sister." Clem gave her a pitying look "Don't look at me like that. I gave her a LOT of Spikes blood so she's going to rise a childe, not some stupid minion. Plus she won't have all that embalming fluid or have to heal from an autopsy, much less wake up and be forced to dig her way out of a coffin. She should be fine. Spike always said those were the reason all the vamps nowadays were crazy when they first woke up. He said he's seen new fledges who woke up and didn't even know that they'd been turned until they tried to walk into their house, try to go outside, or come across fresh blood. I'll make sure the first thing she does is get a full belly before anything else," Dawn spoke up defensively.

"I hope you know what you're doing young lady. Let's get them in my car then go from there." Clem sighed in defeat in the face of the Summer's stubborn streak.

The plan went off a little too easily after she got Buffy home and cleaned up with the help of Clem before he took Spike to his place. After she had Buffy in bed and made it look like she was simply asleep, Dawn made some very awkward phone calls to set her plan in motion. Understandably after telling the scoobies about what happened at the Magic box and how Ben was Glory and Buffy had to kill him to save the world, they all wanted to come over and check on her. Well, except for Anya who just wanted to get the shop cleaned back up and open for business again. Dawn was able to convince them that Buffy was too broken up about killing a human and that she was still really hurt and just needed time. After asking to speak with Buffy, Dawn told Giles during her first phone call then Willow in her second, that she had already gone to bed and that they could try back tomorrow. They weren't happy about it but they conceded. The next day Willow and Tara showed up first but Dawn told them Buffy had been down for breakfast and then claimed that she was still tired and hurting and had gone back to bed. Willow did look in on her from the hallway but just saw what she thought was a sleeping woman snuggled with her favorite stuffed pig. Giles called later that day.

"Hello." dawn answered.

"Dawn? Is Buffy available to speak to me at the moment?" Giles had asked. Dawn couldn't help but glance towards the stair case.

"Um, no. Sorry Giles. She was down for breakfast this morning then mumbled something about a bad headache and told me she was going back to bed. She's still sleeping. Willow looked in on her when her and Tara came by. She never woke up though. I'm pretty sure she's still really upset about Ben." Dawn explained, careful to mention that Willow had seen her even though she knew the witch had only peeked in her door.

"Oh, yes. Quite understandable under the circumstances. If you could please have her call me as soon as she is feeling up to it or stop by the shop I would like to speak with her. Could you also please let her know that I am here for her if she needs me for anything." He said. Dawn could swear she could hear him cleaning his glasses.

"I'll let her know what you said. Thank you Giles. If she's not doing better in a few days I'll ask Willow and Tara to help me drag her out of her room. And could you let Xander know too? He hasn't stopped by yet but I know he'll probably have lunch with Anya at the Magic box today and I don't want him to drive out here for nothing. Bye Giles." Dawn said then waited to hear Giles's goodbye before hanging up.

Much later that night Clem did stop by, with a whole bunch of bagged blood that looked like it had come from the hospital, to tell her Spike wasn't awake yet. Dawn balked at the human blood but Clem insisted that if she wanted her sister to be as clear headed as possible animal blood just wouldn't cut it. She relented but hoped Buffy wouldn't hate her even more for it. Dawn spent the next two days playing the same dodging game and thinking about all the possible ways Buffy might act when she woke up. Dawn knew that there was a big possibly that it wouldn't really be Buffy that would open her eyes on that third night, that the vampire Dawn had created would try to kill her instead. She didn't care though, if that was the case then she'd let the fledge eat her. She would rather be dead than alone. The last few days spent in the house with her sisters dead body just up the stairs had not been good for the young teens emotional state. It was all building up so soon after learning she wasn't even a real person. Before she could even fully come to terms with being the key she had lost her mother, who wasn't really even her mother, and now having watched her sister, whose blood she was apparently made from, die. She was blaming it all on herself.

The other possibility was better in some ways but worse in others. If Buffy woke up and kept herself she would probably hate Dawn. She knew becoming a vamp was a fear of her sisters and she had turned her into one anyway. Dawn felt a stab of guilt but pushed it aside. She couldn't let herself think that way. The third option was what she was hoping for. That Buffy would wake up and be herself and be understanding about how Dawn couldn't just let her die. Buffy would be sad but they would lean on each other like a family should and make it through things. Dawn was forcibly maintaining her optimism; otherwise she felt she would shatter under the strain.

The first two nights Dawn had crawled into bed with Buffy. She cried while telling her sister all the reasons she loved her and still needed her. She begged forgiveness for turning her and would fall asleep only to wake up to nightmares of being left alone with no one who cared for her or she would wake up screaming after seeing a vamped out version of her sister tear into her throat. The sun set on the third day and Dawn made her way up to Buffy's room with several thermoses full of warmed blood to sit in a chair by Buffy's bed and waited.


	3. Chapter 3

Something was different. Buffy opened her eyes slowly, trying to figure out why she had the strangest feeling that her skin was to tight for her body. She was restless but at the same time she felt the need to keep completely still until she could figure out the source of her odd feeling. She immediately noticed that she was at home, curled up in bed with mr. Gordo. The real problem was she didn't remember how she had gotten here. While she took stock of her situation she heard the sound of someone coming up the stairs. They were walking like Dawnie but the footsteps were much louder than the one's her sister normally made. Buffy wondered on this for a moment until her bedroom door opened and let the light in from the hallway . Buffy sat up and looked at Dawn as she stood frozen in the doorway, juggling three of those green thermoses her mom had used for coffee when the coffee maker at the gallery had broken.

"Buffy?" Dawn whispered as she stood in the doorway just staring at her.

"Yeah, unless Faith has been by and body swapped us again." Buffy looked down at her familiar body." Yeah, same body. What's with the thermoses?" At Buffy's questions Dawn seemed to suddenly come unglued from her spot in the doorway and rushed to the bed. Buffy watched as Dawn, with shaking hands put two of the thermoses on the bedside table before handing her the third one.

"Hurry and drink this please," Dawn insisted as she almost shoved the thermos in her face . Buffy leaned away from the sudden onslaught, confused. With Dawn so close the restless feeling was growing and Buffy was fighting to keep herself in place on the bed.

"You're being weird Dawn. What's going on? I feel strange," Buffy asked confused. Dawn bit down on her bottom lip and closed her eyes tight. When she opened them again Buffy could see the tell tale traces of tears being held back.

"Just drink it Buffy, please," Dawn demanded as she shoved the thermos closer to her sister . Buffy took the thermos from her sister. She kept her eyes on Dawns face as she unscrewed the lid. Dawn was watching her intently and it was making Buffy feel even more on edge. All was forgotten though, as soon as the lid was off and Buffy caught the fist wif of what was inside of it. Buffy felt as if her stomach was going to turn inside out and felt something else break out from deep down inside of her. The feeling she had of her skin being too tight disappeared as she felt all the muscles in her face shift and the fangs break through her gums. She quickly put the thermos to her lips and began to chug. Somehow she knew it was blood that she was pouring into her mouth and sucking down like she was starved. She knew what the shifting muscles and the new set of teeth meant because she had felt it once before. As she drank down the last of the first thermos she was forced to remember what happened when she first moved to Sunnydale. Specifically that little boy, Billy, and what had happened to everyone when he was in a coma. Buffy finished off the blood and threw the thermos against the wall in a sudden rage. Dawn jumped but instead of running away she stood her ground and grabbed another thermos. Dawn shoved it towards Buffy again without a word, her eyes downcast. Buffy angrily took it and drank it as quickly as she could. This time, instead of throwing it at the wall, she held it in both hands and stared at it.

"How am I a vampire Dawn? The last thing I remember is fighting Glory. Then she turned into Ben and Spike broke his neck before the chip fired and knocked him out," Buffy demanded an answer from her her sister who still wouldn't meet her gaze. Buffy still felt the rage, but what she didn't feel was sad about Ben's death. That was different. "Well that answers the soul situation for now," Buffy whispered while she waited for Dawn to answer. When Dawn heard Buffy mention the soul she looked up hopefully. Buffy laughed bitterly. "Sorry, nope. It's flown out the window. I'm pretty sure if I still had my soul I'd be upset about Spike killing Ben. But right now I just don't care. I'm just glad the hell bitch is dead." Dawn looked stricken at Buffy's admission and she could tell her attitude was beginning to scare Dawn. She was so hopeful when Buffy had first woken up but the moment the blood came out things seemed to go down hill. Dawn gulped audibly.

"I'm so sorry Buffy... I just," Dawn paused as the words choked her. Buffy sighed at the look on Dawns face and forced herself to calm down. Buffy used the same inner strength she had learned to harness as the Slayer to push down the violent urges she got after a fight. It was strange how familiar these urges were, they just seemed less filtered than normal, more raw. It took more effort on her part but she managed to calm herself. She felt her face go back to normal and she could tell it helped Dawn relax a little.

"Hopefully everyone can figure out what's causing this soon because it is really hard to keep my temper in check right now. How's the research coming?Do we even know what's causing this?" Buffy paused as she waited for Dawn to answer. Confusion flashed across Dawns face before it went oddly blank.

"I know what caused it," Dawn said with a tremor in her voice that did not match the look she was giving Buffy.

"Well what is it then? Are the Scoobies working on fixing it?" Buffy demanded to know. She could actually hear Dawns heart rate pick up. The fact that she could hear it was wigsome but not as freaky as she had once thought.

"The Scoobies don't know. I couldn't take the chance that they'd dust you," Dawn said as the shake in her voice increased. Buffy's eyes widened.

"What? I'm so confused. What do you mean dust me? Last time we just took out the baddie?" Buffy exclaimed, raising her voice as she struggled to remain calm.

"There is no baddie this time, Buffy. You died and I'm so sorry but I couldn't lose you. I tried to get the bleeding to stop but it just kept coming and all I could think was that I was going to lose you, like mom. I couldn't just watch you die and do nothing!" Dawn rattled out quickly. Buffy suddenly had a Blurry memory flash across her mind of Dawn leaning over her, crying and begging her to be okay. Buffy was at a loss for words but Dawn continued speaking so she didn't have a chance to voice her confusion at how that had caused her to become a vampire. "I was just sitting there watching you slip away and then I looked over and Spike was still passed out. The chip went off when he killed Ben and I realized that since you were dying from blood loss that it was almost like being drained by a vamp. I figured if I got you vampire blood you would be able to come back, so that's what I did. I dragged Spike to you while he was passed out and gave you his blood," Dawn finished as her face crumbled and she let the tears fall. Buffy sat stunned. Rooted to her spot on the bed while she watched as Dawn cried.

Normally, she would comfort her little sister and tell her it was okay, that they would make it through this like they had made it through the divorce and then losing mom. But normally Buffy had a soul to help her empathize with the youngest Summers. Normally, but not anymore. Buffy could feel the metal thermos in her hands changing shape as she gripped it tighter.

"Get out of my room Dawn," Buffy ground out quietly through clenched teeth. Holding her anger in check as best as she could. Dawn sniffled loudly but stayed rooted to her spot. Buffy was aware Dawn might be scared but she didn't care. She needed breathing room and she needed it now. When Dawn didn't move after another few seconds Buffy's grip on her anger slipped slightly. "I SAID GET OUT OF MY ROOM NOW DAWN!" Buffy felt her face shift again as she yelled. Dawn let out a surprised squeak and immediately turned and ran out of the room. Buffy heard Dawns bedroom door slam followed by the sound of the her sister sobbing. Buffy felt herself breathing hard as she stared out her open bedroom door. She held her breath to try and calm down and was even more angry when, after several minutes, she realized that she wasn't feeling that panicky urge to take a breath. She let the air out of her lungs and put her hand on her chest. The absence of the familiar thumping was terrifying. Her eyes burned with tears as the situation really began to sink in.

Buffy placed the empty thermos on her bedside table and stared daggers at the last full one. Her stomach was full but just thinking about the fact that it was there and within arms reach had her stomach demanding she pick it up. Buffy dug her heels in and refused. Instead, she got up out of bed and slammed her bedroom door closed. The wood protested under the force she used but it remained in one piece. Buffy walked over to her vanity and sat down. She knew what she would find in the mirror but seeing, or rather not seeing the face that had always looked back at her had Buffy breaking down, letting the tears finally fall. When she put her face in her hands she felt the ridges on her face and though the sobbing continued she let her anger loose once more and punched her vanity mirror, shattering it.

The next morning when Dawns alarm went off for school, Buffy still hadn't been to sleep. The sun was just rising and Buffy could feel it almost like a physical presence just on the edge of her awareness. When the alarm was snoozed Buffy heaved a heavy sigh and got up out of bed. She was an emotional roller coaster right now and just the fact that she was actually feeling all those emotions had her even more confused. She needed the house to herself so she could think without having to worry about Dawn being in the next room. Getting her off to school would be a great way to solve that problem. Buffy decided that she would put off any decisions about how she was going to deal with Dawn until later. Right now she just needed her out the door.

"Dawn! You need to wake up and get your butt ready for school." Buffy banged on her sister's door. She heard Dawn scramble to get out of bed before she ran to the door and opened it. Dawn looked at Buffy with a hopeful smile on her face that slowly fell as she realized the look Buffy was giving her was not a good one. Buffy noticed Dawn was still wearing the same pink t-shirt and jeans she had been wearing last night. "Get changed, you will not be late for school today. We don't need social services breathing down our necks right now," Buffy told her with ice in her voice. Dawn felt the distance between them like a physical ache. "I'll be down stairs making breakfast," Buffy stated before she turned and walked away.

Once in the kitchen Buffy set about making herself stay busy by scrambling some eggs and burning some toast. She smelt the charred bread as it began to smoke just as Dawn made her way into the kitchen. Buffy unplugged the toaster to get the toast to pop out and then played with the eggs before she put the blackened slices and eggs in front of Dawn, who was sitting at the island doing her best to see through the countertop.

"Thank you." Buffy heard Dawn mutter dejectedly. When Dawn began to slowly eat her food Buffy sat down opposite her.

"I have some more questions," Buffy said, causing Dawn to stop chewing and look up at her. "Who all knows?"

"Just me and Clem," Answered Dawn.

"Who's Clem?" Buffy asked, trying to put a face to the name.

"He'a a demon friend of Spikes. One that he trusts. I didn't know who else to call that would help me get you home and not want to hurt you or Spike," Dawn clarified.

"Did Spike call him? And wait, doesn't Spike know?" Buffy asked. Dawn shook her head no.

"As of last night Spike was still unconscious. The chip hurt him pretty bad. Clem said it didn't help that I had you take almost all of the blood he had before you, um, you know, died. And I'm the one who called Clem. Well, I didn't know his number but I got lucky and I called Willy's and asked for him and he was there. I told him Spike needed help so he came. He took Spike back to his place to heal after he helped me get you here," Dawn elaborated.

"Okay, we'll talk about you making demon friends later. But just to clarify, none of our friends know? Not even Giles? There's no chance anyone of the little scabby guys got away and have been spending the last few days blabbing to everyone?" Buffy asked again choosing to put the Clem issue on the back burner.

"I've been giving everyone the run around saying you were still recovering from the fight and that you were sad because you had to kill Ben. Willow and Tara dropped by but Willow looked in on you and it just looked like you were sleeping so she left. I told them all you'd call or come to the Magic Box when you were ready to talk" Dawn finished. Buffy let her story sink in and got hung up on one part.

"Hold up, you told them I killed Ben? Why would you do that Dawn?" Buffy demanded. Dawn shrank back a little at her brisk tone.

"If I told them Spike did it they wouldn't care that Ben was the host to a hell god bent on destroying the world. Admit it, even you would have been, 'Spike killed a human, we have to dust him now.' It wouldn't have mattered that he was protecting me and helping you. He fried his brain to save us, Buffy. He could have just let Ben run." Dawn actually met Buffy's eyes in challenge to defend Spike. It made Buffy pause and think. As much as she hated to admit it, Dawn had a point. So she put that on the back burner too. Buffy had so much to think about while Dawn was at school, and apparently some phone calls to make. She saw Dawn look at the clock. "I gotta go, Janice's mom will be here any second." Dawn got down and headed to the front door, grabbing her book bag off the dining room table on the way. She was about to head out the door when Buffy finally pulled her thoughts back together.

"Dawn, one more question. I know you said you're sorry ,but be honest. Do you regret it?" She asked Dawn wearily. Dawns hand paused on the door knob. Without even turning around to face Buffy, she shook her head in an obvious negative.

"No, I don't," Dawn stated quietly before opening the door and heading out into the morning sunlight, leaving Buffy alone, trapped inside the house to think about the turn her life had just taken.


	4. Chapter 4

She had breathing room - metaphorically anyway - now that Dawn was at school. She had spent the first few hours piddling around the house to keep herself busy while she thought of what she was going to say when she called Giles. She was still trying to decide if she was going to stick with Dawns story about how she'd been the one to kill Ben. She knew Dawn was right about them being stake happy if they ever found out it was Spike. Buffy didn't want Spike dusted. She'd worry about why THAT was later. Right now though, it was phone call time. As soon as 9am rolled around Buffy found herself dialing the familiar phone number to the Magic Box. It only had to ring three times.

"Good morning, you have reached the Magic Box, this is Anya. How may I help you spend your money today? " a very perky Anya anshwered.

"Hey Anya, it's Buffy. Is Giles available?" Buffy asked, hoping that Anya didn't have some unknown ability to identify that she was talking to a vampire over the phone. Buffy knew it was a stupid, irrational fear, but this was the hellmouth after all.

"Oh, hey Buffy. I'm glad to hear you're not wallowing in irrational depression after killing the vessel of a hell god. He would have died anyway when we killed Glory, so I'm happy to hear that it sounds like logic won. Xander has been beside himself and that really put a damper on our orgasm time. I'll go get Giles for you, please hold," Anya rattled off before Buffy heard her put the phone on the counter. A moment later she herd it being picked back up .

"Buffy?" Giles sounded hopeful, Buffy couldn't help but smile a little at his optimistic tone.

"Yeah it's me. Just calling to let you know I'm all healed up. I can stop by the Magic Box after patrol tonight if you'd like. Or you could come over after Dawn gets home from school today. I have some stuff I gotta do that will take a while, or else I would offer to come by now," Buffy lied.

"I will see you at your house around 4 o'clock this afternoon. I am happy to hear from you my dear, I was very worried with you being too injured to give me the story yourself." Giles admitted.

"Well I was used as a punching bag for a hell God, and then had to snap a humans neck. I'm sorry I didn't bounce right back," Buffy snapped at her watcher. The awkward silence that followed her words gave Buffy a chance to pull her temper in. If she hadn't been so well practiced before this, it would have been much harder. " I'm sorry Giles, I'm still stressed out I guess. I'll see you later today. Bye." Buffy hung up without even waiting for Giles to respond. She didn't feel guilty for snapping but she knew that logically it was a bit overboard. "Okay self, you can do this. I care about these people, so I need to watch how I treat them." She gave herself a small pep talk as she walked over to the sofa to plop down on the cushions, face first in frustration. "Who am I kidding ? This is so hard. Why is my fuse so short, I have never been this mood swingy before...oh yeah, no soul," Buffy said with her face squished into the cushions. She heaved a heavy sigh before sitting upright.

Realizing she really didn't have anything else to do other than take a nap before Giles came by, she began the daunting task of trying to sort out her feeling. Point number one, she was pretty sure her soul had flown the coop. Counter point, she didn't feel that different. She thought about all her friends and realized she still cared about them. To be honest though, she didn't look forward to dealing with their crap about her being a vampire and she didn't feel opposed to getting violent with them either if it meant protecting herself. She didn't want to accidentally kill anyone, but if she had to break there bones she knew they'd heal no problem. That's was the one thought that cinched it for her. The thought about harming her friends as being no big deal as long as they didn't die was one her old self would have been appalled by. But she knew she still saw them as her friends and didn't feel the need to rip their throats out and drain them dry, she was confused. She had always been taught that vampires always went after their family and friends first. She hadn't felt the urge to kill Dawn last night even though she'd never been that mad at her sister before in her entire life. Buffy was still up in the air on what to do with Dawn. Add that to the fact that even Angel had killed his family and told her that when a vampire was turned, the only thing left was the demon that had killed them. But she was still Buffy, still the same person she was a few days ago, she just felt...different somehow. Almost like a knot would form in her heart whenever something wasn't right but that knot wasn't forming even when she knew that it should be there. Like this morning with breakfast. She knew the toast was burnt and that she should throw it out or remake it for Dawn. Hell, if she was going to be honest with herself she knew the toast was burning and just let it so Dawn would have to eat burnt toast. Buffy knew she'd eat it too because Dawn felt guilty about turning her. It was intentionally mean and Buffy was never intentionally mean to Dawn no matter how mad she'd made her. Buffy let out a sarcastic laugh.

"From Buffy the vampire slayer, thing that demons have nightmares about, to Buffy the vampire, the elementary school bully," she said to herself. Here was the big question, if she just wanted to do things like burn her sisters bread and snip sarcastically at Giles without a soul, did that mean The council of watchers were just big fat liars? Did that mean Angel had lied to her too? Maybe she had been turned wrong? Dawn done the actual turning even though Spike was technically her sire so...oh god, Spike was her sire! This was so bad. If Spike was her sire, did that mean he'd be able to compel her to do things? Would he use that against her? Was she totally stuck with that pain in her ass now? Buffy put her face in her hands. As if things couldn't get anymore difficult. She needed answers and could only think of a few places to get them. She was so not calling Angel and she didn't want any of the gang to know that she was a vampire yet. Maybe she could hide being a vampire for a while until they'd been around her long enough to tell that she was still Buffy? After what happened with Jesse Xander will probably take it the hardest. She could pretend. It's not like she wasn't a night owl anyway.

"Wouldn't work," Buffy sighed in defeat. "Tara would probably be able to tell from my aura or something, or Anya would comment on how pale I look and make everyone go into 'Overly concerned for Buffy' mode. They really do get nosy," she admitted out loud. Who else could she get answers from? As if the universe was giving her a break, there was a knock at the back door. Buffy got up from the couch, curious as to who would knock at the back door. If it was Spike, he had another thing coming if he thought she was going to invite him back in yet - he still had some groveling to do- wait, she realized, she couldn't invite him in anyway. It would have to be Dawn. Buffy wondered what would happen if she went outside. Would she be stuck there untill Dawn got home. When she peaked out the shaded back door she came face to face with the most wrinkly, loose skinned demon she had ever seen. This was by no means the weirdest part of her day though, so she was able to keep her face blank.

"Oh! Hey, I'm Clem, Spikes friend. I was just coming by to check on Dawn and bring by some more blood for you." He he held up a cooler. "I'm glad to see your awake. I don't smell your little sisters blood coming from in there so I'm assuming everything went alright last night?" Buffy was momentarily dumbstruck when Clem just continued to smile while her brain started working again. She came to a decision.

"What the hell, come on in, would you like some coffee?" She said as she stood back to hold the door open for him.

"Thank you, I would love some. You're probably really tired with the sun being up, so I hope I'm not inconveniencing you?" Clem asked politely. Buffy shook her head no and motioned to the stools at the kitchen island. Buffy set about making coffee while Clem sat down and placed the cooler on the counter. "It's nice to finally meet you. Spike and Dawn talk about you all the time. You don't seem nearly as mean as they say though, no insult intended." Buffy let out a surprised laugh, the first genuinely good feeling she'd had all day. She was already liking the perky demon.

"Thanks I guess," she smiled as she turned to take the seat across from him. It was the same place she had been sitting during a much different conversation earlier that morning. "To answer your question though, and then ask a few of my own, I don't know if what happened last night would be considered alright, but it's over and done with. Dawns fine. I sent her off to school so I could have the house to myself to get some thinking done." Buffy explained to him.

"Oh, I'm sorry if I intruded then," Clem apologized.

"It's more than alright, it's actually perfect timing. I was just trying to figure out who I could talk to about some things and maybe get some answers when you showed up. I can't exactly leave the house right now, and all the people I could call are, well, probably really biased," she admitted.

"I don't really know how much help I'd be, especially if it's vampire stuff, but go ahead, shoot," Clem offered. Buffy took a deep, unnecessary breath.

"I don't really feel that different," Buffy shot out quickly. Then before Clem could even really process how that was a question she continued "I'm still me ya know? I was always told that when a vampire is made that the person dies, then the demon basically sets up shop and uses their body. It has all of that persons memories of when they were human, but it's somehow completely different. I'm still me. I am 90% sure my soul is gone but I don't feel like going out and starting a massacre at the Bronze and bathing in virgin blood or anything like that. What I'm feeling right now is contradictory to EVERYTHING I've ever been taught! Is it because I was the Slayer or maybe because Dawn turned me wrong? Does it have to do with Spike being my sire because we both know he feels way more than the average vamp? I'm so confused!" Buffy let her head fall on the counter with an audible thunk after her rant, waiting for any sort of answer from the demon sitting across from her. It took a minute for Clem to catch up with the conversation but Buffy heard him give a nervous chuckle.

"Wow! No wonder you wanted some alone time. You got a real mess up there in that head of yours. Okay, where to start. Now Spike would probably be the best to ask this stuff too, but he hasn't woken up yet so I'll do my best." Buffy picked her head up and looked at him expectantly. "Buffy became a demon, the demon didn't kill Buffy. Well, that's sorta how it is. From what I understand, it's more like a symbiotic relationship thing. The demon essence you got from Spikes blood took root where your soul used to be and changed what was left of you to better suit itself. You're still you, just like how a butterfly is still the same caterpillar it was before the cocoon, just different. That's how this one vamp explained it to me anyway. I've never seen anything to make me think any different . Like I said though, Spike can give you a better explanation as long as you're willing to listen to him like you are to me. He's told me what kind of relationship you guys have." Buffy raised an eyebrow, Clem laughed. "As in the kind of relationship where his nose gets broken on a regular basis." Buffy smirked but nodded her head. "I guess another way to think about it would be if somebody took out a piece of your brain, the 'soul', " Clem made quotations in the air with his hands."And put another piece from someone else in its place , the vampire. So now everything is filtered through the vampire instead of the soul, but the rest of the brain is sill technically you." A few days ago Buffy would have laughed in his face and called him a liar. Now though, all she could think of was how much sense he was making. She was still herself, that she knew, but her filter had been changed.

"That makes SO much more sense than what I've been told since I was 14." Buffy paused at the look of pity on Clem's face. "What?"

"You were so young, is that when you became the Slayer?" He asked.

"I was almost 15, but yeah, I was 14 when I was first called. The council found me and I had to deal with Lothos. Let's just say this becoming a vamp is just one more non choice in the long list of 'choices Buffy didn't get to make about her own life'." Buffy waved off the statement as if it was just another fact of life. "I have another question. Since Spikes my sire will he be able to make me do things?" Buffy asked as she got up and went to pour some coffee. Clem thought about the answer as she brought the two mugs, plus the sugar and powdered creamer over to the counter. When she sat back down and began putting the sugar in her cup, Clem took a sip of his black.

"Most vamps I've met follow their sire because they're stronger than them. Most are just minions high on power and their sire feeds into it. But you're strong and you're not high off that new power because you're already used to being strong. I guess you lost more than you gained from being a vamp, aside from the not staying dead thing. You're defiantly an unusual case," Clem told her. "Though, Spike is my buddy and I don't see him forcing you to do anything against your will even if he could. Just between you and me, I think he's in love with you. The way he talks about you, I'm almost 100% certain. Spike will do anything for the ones he loves," Clem confided in her. Buffy laughed nervously, thinking back to not so long ago when she ended up chained up across from Drusilla with a half crazed Spike.

"You don't say. Well I won't tell him you told me," She acknowledged the need to keep the 'secret'. Buffy wanted to argue with Clem about Spikes character but she flashed back to the memory of peeking out the window before her mothers funeral and seeing Xander turn Spike away, with a bouquet of wild flowers in hand. The same flowers she later saw placed on her mothers grave the night after her funeral. "Knowing the kind of relationship we do have though, I'll reserve judgement about Spike until after he wakes up." Buffy conceded. Clem shrugged.

"I can see where you're coming from. So I won't fault you. Just give the guy a chance. He's been burned before so he puts up a big front," Clem asked.

"When do you think he'll be waking up anyway? It's been days now. I was dead so that's my excuse. Did the chip really hurt him that bad?" She asked. Clem's smile disappeared.

"I hope soon. I was able to get him to finally swallow some blood last night so he'll heal faster now, but I think it was a bunch of stuff. He took a lot of damage in that fight and lost a lot of blood. The chip was probably the icing on the cake. Hopefully by tomorrow he'll come too and be able to drink a decent amount of blood and speed up his recovery time. I'll tell him you asked about him and catch him up on things." Clem updated her on Spikes status.

"NO!" Buffy shot out quickly. Clem looked confused.

"Why? Did you want to tell him?" He asked. Buffy'a face fell, this time unsure of her reasoning.

"Well, no, but...never mind. I'd actually rather not be around when he finds out. He'll probably shove it in my face." Buffy shook her head slowly before taking on a fake Spike voice "Ha ha the Slayer is a bloody vampire now, oh how the tables have turned," she mocked what she'd thought he'd say after he learned that she was a vampire. It was Clem's turn to slowly shake his head.

"I'm pretty sure you have it wrong, but I'll catch him up on things. It was really nice talking to you Buffy, I'm glad to have met you and I hope I was able to help clear some things up. But it's almost been an hour and I should get going. I have to go back to work today at 11. I took an early lunch to come visit Dawn.Thanks for the coffee, it was real good," He thanked her as he stood up to leave. Buffy held out her hand.

"It was nice meeting you to Clem, and yeah, you helped me a LOT. Thank you. Have a nice day at work. One more tiny question, where do you work anyway?" Buffy asked as he shook her hand good bye.

"I work at the post office sorting mail in the back. A lot of us demons work there. They pay real well and they don't discriminate." Buffy couldn't help but laugh.

"oh my god, that explains so much," She giggles. "I hope you have a good day Clem, and thank you for stopping by," Buffy told him as Clem gave a final friendly nod and closed the back door behind him. Her spirits somewhat lifted and reassured, Buffy decided it was time to try and take a nap before Dawn got home and they had another talk. And then Giles would be over...that's when the real fun would begin. Buffy headed to bed and set her alarm for 3 pm, giving herself an hour with Dawn. Buffy's head hit the pillow and within moments, she was sound asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Buffy awoke to the sound of the front door closing. She looked at her bedside clock and decided that the 10 minutes she had left would be better spent taking a shower than trying to go back to sleep. Getting out of bed though, turned out to be much harder than she thought it would. She could still feel that the sun was up and it was making it hard to shake off the fog from her sleep. Eventually, she was able to drag herself to the shower. At least the hot water helped wake her up. While she was getting dressed she could hear Dawn downstairs. She was loathed to admit she was actually enjoying her enhanced hearing. After picking out a cute outfit just to try and cheer herself up, she lost any momentum she had in the feel good department when her eyes landed on her makeup bag. She picked it up and glanced at the broken mirror on the vanity before making her way down stairs to sit next to Dawn on the sofa. Dawn looked up from her textbook, surprise written on her face. Buffy continued to look forward, studying the pictures on the wall as she reached out and dropped her makeup bag on Dawns lap. Dawns expression went from surprise to confused as she picked up the bag before putting her book on the coffee table.

"I'm still pissed," Buffy stated still not looking at Dawn. "So consider this part of your punishment. I don't have a reflection anymore so you're going to have to do my makeup until I figure out how to put it on without a mirror." Buffy finally turned to look at her sister dead on, wearing a serious expressions, typically reserved for big bad's and fashion emergencies. "And I swear to God Dawn, if I look like a clown or a street walker I will throw out all of your clothes and make you wear a burlap sack!" Dawn blinked twice before a grin broke out over her face.

"Your letting me do your makeup? Really, you're not going to throw me out and make me live with dad or under a bridge?" Dawn asked, voice full of amazement.

"It's a punishment Dawn, not a sleep over. The way I look at it, I DIED to protect you, so you're so going to do every chore I can think of. Plus your grounded with no allowance until I'm not mad anymore. Don't think that's going to be anytime soon either. I'm trying really hard to resist the urge to punch you through a wall every time I look at you," Buffy ranted at her. That still didn't wipe the smile off of Dawns face so Buffy just snorted and closed her eyes, leaning forward to indicate she needed to get on with applying the makeup. Dawn carefully applied Buffy's make up, going for a 'less is more' look. The whole time Dawn just kept thinking about how happy she was that Buffy wasn't trying to kill her and wasn't abandoning her. Everything else was small potatoes in the long run. Buffy, for her part, was holding her breath because once she got close to Dawn she realized how good her sister smelled. That made her realize that she was getting hungry. In order to keep herself under control Buffy took away the temptation of smell but that still left the alluring beat of her sister's heart.

Buffy could just imagine the blood pumping through Dawn's veins and how easy it would be to just grab Dawn and suck that blood out of her. Buffy could almost taste it, her mouth even began to water. Buffy could feel her control slipping the longer Dawn stayed close to her. She clenched her fists in her lap, digging in her heels and using that infamous Summers stubbornness to fight that tight feeling her skin got, that feeling she now recognized as her game face trying to break through. Clem was right when he said it was like everything was being filtered through the demon now, because she was finally feeling the presence of what Buffy would dub her demon from here on out. It was similar to what she used to think of as her Slayer side but -ironically- more alive than her Slayer ever was, more insistent on being heard. As if this vamp part was awake and pacing the fence she had built while the Slayer used to just site behind it patiently. This new demon was anything but patient and it was definitely testing the durability of Buffy's fence.

"All done!" Dawn beamed as she sat back away from Buffy to admire her work. "I was careful to make it look natural." Without a word Buffy shot up from the sofa and ran to the kitchen. By the time Dawn had gotten up and followed her, curious at the choked look that had passed over Buffy's face. Buffy had already gone into the cooler of blood from Clem's visit and had slipped into gameface, tearing off a corner of one of the bags to down the blood cold. Dawn was shocked and a little afraid at the sight, the evidence of her sin evident on Buffy's face. Dawn' stomach twisted into a knot. "Buffy? Is everything okay?" she asked tentatively while staying in the doorway to the kitchen. Buffy ignored her and ripped into a second bag. Dawn waited and when Buffy had finished the second bag she chucked both of them into the trash bin with unnecessary force. Buffy's face turned human again when she turned to Dawn, a thunderous look on her face while she leaned forward to grip the countertop.

"NO! Nothing is OKAY Dawn. I just spent the last few minutes trying not to rip your throat out because I skipped lunch this afternoon! How could you even think things were okay! I get that you're happy I'm not trying to kill anyone, but do you get that I have to fight myself in order to keep from hurting you?! Do you understand that I am a FUCKING vampire now? Because you're sure not acting like you get it. You're acting like you got suspended from school or something and you're just afraid of being in trouble for it!" Buffy screamed at Dawn who just stood in the doorway, frozen at her sister's rage. Tears began to roll down both sister's faces. "I'm Damned now Dawnie, you've damned me," Buffy whispered bitterly.

"I'm so sorry Buffy, I just," Dawn trailed off as she heard the front door shoot open and several sets of foot steps rush in.

"We heard screaming, is everything alright?" Giles asked as he got to the kitchen and took in the scene before him. He was followed closely by Willow and Tara, who squeezed by Giles to step into the kitchen to try and find out what the problem was. It was Buffy's turn to freeze in shock, she wasn't prepared for the trio yet. She hadn't heard them coming, first being to absorbed in trying not to kill Dawn and then too busy being angry with her.

"Buffy what's wrong? Are you okay? This looks a little more serious than the average sister fight," Willow asked as she stopped to stand in front of Buffy with the kitchen Island between them. Buffy didn't answer Willow though, tears still falling, she had focused all her attention on the blonde witch who had stopped in front of a very concerned looking Giles. Tara had taken one look at Buffy only to let out a small gasp, her hands shooting up to cover her mouth while she stared wide eyed at the former Slayer. The moment their eyes met Buffy could tell that Tara knew everything. The tears fell faster as Buffy's anger evaporated and she lost the strength to stand. She collapsed onto the floor, sobbing and hiding her face in her hands, afraid that her other face would make an appearance. She heard quick footsteps and the next thing she knew she was engulfed in a warm hug. Buffy cried harder as she heard Tara shushing her, whispering little assurances in her ear.

"Shhh, I know your hurting but we can get through this. I could see the conflict your feeling and I know what's happened. Don't be afraid, you're still Buffy. I can see that too. The light that makes you Buffy is the same, some of the bits have been replaced but all the important stuff is untouched and it's just as beautiful as ever. We still love you, shhhhh." Tara told her as Buffy leaned onto her, trying to gain strength from her words hoping her they were true. " Remember my birthday? We're a family right? If I can count Spike in that mix then you have nothing to worry about." Tara began to rock her as she felt another set of arms join their huddle.

"I don't know what's going on Buffy but it will be okay, I promise. You're loved and we're best friends no matter what, so whatever it is we'll get through this, " Willow assured her as she too attempted to calm her friend.

"I would very much like to know what is going on here." Buffy heard Giles ask Dawn. When she didn't hear Dawn give an answer, Buffy stopped the witches rocking and pulled her hands away from her face to find Giles. Calmed down significantly and bellied by the support of her friends-even if only one of them really knew what the problem was -she took a deep breath to steady herself and found her voice. She felt Tara give her a reassuring squeeze to encourage her.

"I can tell you Giles, but it's bad, really bad, " Buffy warned. The watcher preemptively removed his glasses. He focused on Buffy, waiting for the bad news. One more deep breath and Buffy locked onto his gaze. "I died again Giles, Glory killed me." Her words were heavy as the two people not in the know attempted to process their meaning. "It gets worse," she admitted before Giles or Willow had a chance to ask any questions.

"Dear lord, I fear I must ask you to elaborate," Giles urged. Tara and Willow pulled back and let go of Buffy, each taking one of her trembling hands.

"Go ahead Buffy, I won't let them do anything to you. I know what it's like to be where you are even though I was lucky enough to wake up from that nightmare when Spike's chip went off. At least you're not casting spells to hide it," Tara said low enough for Buffy and Willow to hear. Willow became confused at Tara's words, but Willow, as sharp as she was, put Tara's words together as she held the icy hand of her best friend. Buffy noticed the color draining from Willows face and heard her heart rate sky rocket. Buffy expected Willow to drop her hand and run. Instead, Buffy watched as Willow's face filled with sadness and then she began to cry.

"Oh goddess no, Buffy!" Willow whispered horrified and full of sadness for her best friend. Buffy squeezed her hand lightly, relived, before looking at Giles again.

"Long story short, after the fight Spike was unconscious, Glory slash Ben was dead, and I was dying from a sword wound I took to my leg. I was bleeding out and instead of just letting me die, Dawn dragged Spike over to me before I could kick the bucket and became the first girl to use an unconscious vamp to turn a Slayer," Buffy explained in a few words as possible, trying to lighten the news a little. Giles looked at Buffy as if she were speaking a foreign language. He squinted at her as if it would help him understand. While Giles attempted to process the story, Dawn ran from the kitchen after finally reaching her emotional limit. Buffy heard her run up the stairs and slam her bedroom door.

"I'm sorry, could you please repeat that. I don't believe I heard you properly. It almost sounded as if you are trying to tell me you died and are now a vampire," Giles asked stunned. Buffy opened her mouth to tell him again but was interrupted.

"it's true Giles, I could see it in her aura as soon as I saw her. But I can also tell how much pain she's in. I don't know what the council has taught all of you, but I can tell you she's still Buffy. Her aura screams it so loudly that I can feel it," Tara defended her. After the young Wiccan's words, Giles seemed to wilt as he titled and leaned heavily on the wall beside him. His face was a picture of pure grief as he looked at Buffy as if she was no more than the corpse of the woman he saw as his daughter. The war in his head was clearly written across his face: To either adhere to what he had spent his entire life believing, or to choose to believe the women in front of him and throw all said beliefs out the window.


	6. Chapter 6

Spike was positive that karma was real, why else would it feel like there was a railroad spike firmly lodged in his brain? He moaned as he came back to consciousness in an unfamiliar bed. He hadn't felt this bad since that bloody pipe organ had fallen on him. He attempted to take stock of his situation, hoping that his head would quit pounding. He propped himself up on his elbows, squinting at the pain while he looked himself over. Could he move his legs? Check. He threw the sheet off and looked down the front of his jeans. Prick still attached? Check. With the important things confirmed he laid back down and threw his arm over his eyes. He took a deep breath through his nose to get a good whiff of his surroundings. He was able to figure out he was probably at Clem's apartment. He listened and heard the distinct sound of the tv playing a commercial for some sort of snack food he'd never heard of before. He listened harder, trying to hear over the tv, catching the familiar rhythm of Clem's heartbeat and allowed himself to relax. Spike knew he was safe.

"Clem," Spike shouted, just loud enough to get his friends attention. He heard the tv being turned down followed by approaching footsteps. The door to the room he was in slowly opened and Spike peeked his head out from under his arm. He saw Clem cautiously poke his head into the room.

"Spike? Is that you buddy, you awake?" the loose skinned male asked.

"Yeah, I'm awake. Feel like I've been through the grinder but nothing some blood won't fix," Spike confirmed as he watched Clem's face light up with relief.

"I'll be right back. I got just the thing," Clem said, disappearing back out the door only to return a few minutes later with three large coffee mugs full of blood. From the smell of it, human blood. Spikes demon broke through as soon as he sat up and grabbed the first cup.

"Ta' mate, I owe you one," Spike proclaimed before he downed all three cups, one right after the other. Clem watched in fascination as he drank it like a man who'd just found an oasis in the middle of the desert. " Much better already. Feel like I haven't fed for weeks. How long was I out?" Spike asked.

"Three full nights. Tonight would have made it four," Clem answered, waiting to see what the next question would be, but dreading it all the same.

"Bleedin' hell, what happened?" Spike exclaimed as he tried to rack his brain to remember how he'd ended up so badly injured. It still hurt to think and the memories came slowly, but come they did, and they had Spike shooting up and off the bed. "Buffy! We were fighting that terrible excuse for a hell god. Slayer got hurt protectin' the niblet, then she hit that bitch with the troll hammer. The Slayer went down, losin' a lot of blood and then Glory turned into that human boy from the hospital. Last I remember I was snapping his neck like a twig before the damn chip went off. Musta passed out after that," Spike rambled off as the memories came flooding back. Gotta find out what happened to the Slayer and bit, Buffy was really hurt," Spike paused to take an unnecessary breath. He looked at Clem and noticed the deep frown on his face. Questions began to surface. "How'd I end up at your place?" he asked. It was Clem's turn to take a cleansing breath.

"A lot has happened, Spike, but to answer your question, Dawn called Willy's looking for me to help because she knew you trusted me. She didn't want her friends to hurt you. You did technically kill a human," Clem paused while Spike rolled his eyes. The damn Scoobies would focus on that fact even though he'd just saved all their asses. Clem saw what he was thinking and continued." Just to let you know, Dawn apparently told them it was Buffy that killed Ben because she was afraid they'd try to dust you for killing a human." Clem continued to explain.

Spike snorted.

"I'm sure the Slayer has already set the record straight on that account. No way she'd let anyone think she'd killed a human even if they were trying to bring on an apocalypse," Spike stated sardonically.

Clem shook his head." I doubt it, she didn't say anything about changing Dawns story this afternoon anyway," Clem said as Spike locked onto his face, confused.

"You talked to Buffy today? She doin' alright?" Spike asked softly, his concern for the woman he loved shining through.

Clem smiled and nodded. "We had coffee when I stopped by her house on my lunch break, we had a nice long chat. The poor lady is all mixed up right now and I feel bad for her. She was real hospitable, makes a nice cup of coffee too," Clem offered, realizing he was only half answering Spikes question.

Spike was momentarily struck dumb. His mouth hung open at the thought of the Slayer inviting a demon in for coffee and a chat. After he started thinking again, Spike latched onto the fact it was only a half of an answer. "So she's okay? All recovered from the fight the other night? And she had you over for coffee?" he pushed for Clem to elaborate.

Clem knew it was time so he sat down on the edge of the bed before speaking. "You might want to sit back down Spike," Clem suggested.

Spike just looked at him and cocked his head to the side, quirking an eyebrow impatiently, refusing to sit.

Clem shrugged. "Suit yourself, I tried. Now is she recovered? She was up and about, she didn't seem hurt. Is she okay? That's a big N.O. my friend. Her life is spiraling and she's trying to hold on. I helped her the best that I could and I know she felt a little better after our talk but I told her what she really needed was to talk to you." Clem informed him. Spike crossed his arms and looked at him, confused.

"What? Why me? What's goin' on and stop beatin' around the bloody bush, Clem," Spike demanded. 

"Are you sure you don't want to sit down?" Clem tried one last time."

"DAMN IT CLEM, JUST FUCKING TELL ME!" Spike snapped, taking a step forward and going into game face.

Clem sighed and held his hands up in defeat, not put off by the explosion of temper. "Okay, okay. The other reason Dawn called to find me was because after you passed out from killing that Ben vessel guy, her sister bled out." Clem watched as the color he didn't even realize was in Spikes face drained away. "Anyway, instead of just letting her die, Dawn used your unconscious butt to steal the vamp blood from and feed it to her dying, exsanguinated sister. That's one reason why you feel so bad and why you were out so long. Buffy took almost all of you blood. Dawn needed my help to get Buffy home and cleaned up and then get her to bed so we could make it look like she was sleeping. Dawn was afraid of their friends finding out so she made it look like Buffy was just recovering. It worked too, she rose last night right on schedule. I made sure Dawn had plenty of blood for Buffy so the Slayer wouldn't attack the first heartbeat she heard. Dawn knew that Buffy would be devastated that she hurt her. Obviously I took you home with me to recover. Dawn was just going to put you up in their moms old room but I told her it was safer for you here," Clem finished his long winded explanation.

"You're pullin' one over on me right? No way the Slayers a vamp," Spike monotoned while staring blankly at the spot on the bed beside Clem, realizing he should have listened and sat down before this conversation had started. Spike caught the movement of his friend shaking his head 'no' in his peripheral vision.

"Sorry Spike, I witnessed it. It's true," Clem confirmed solemnly. Spike turned his head enough to make eye contact.

"No, there is no way the niblett would do somethin like that. You have to be wrong. There's got to be some other explanation for it. The Slayer wouldn't have just had coffee with you, she would have staked herself after rising, it's one of her worst fears according to Angelus," Spike argued

"I'm sorry, but It's like I said, we had coffee and she asked me for advice about being a vampire and I told her what I could, but said she needed to talk to you, especially since you're her sire," Clem said once more in apology.

Spike couldn't think. This was all too much. Like a switch going off he decided that it was too cramped in the tiny apartment. Spike turned and walked out of the room without another word, stopping only to retrieve his boots and duster before bolting from the apartment and into the twilight. There was enough shadows and it was dim enough that he made it to the the sewers with no problem. He set his feet towards Revello dr, needing to confirm for himself that one of his worst nightmares come to life.

He had plenty of things to think about on his was to the Summers residence. His mother was the first thing that came to mind along with all the venomous words she'd said after he had sired her. That was the only time he had attempted a childe, after that, he only ever made minions. Needless to say, even with the failure of his mother weighing on him, he'd still had fantasies of Buffy as a vampire. They could be great together, that he was sure of. As the Slayer, she already had one foot in the darkness, and as a vampire he could help her embrace it. He had imagined that on more than one occasion: The both of them safely hiding away from the caustic sunshine while they spent the daylight hours worshipping each other's bodies, sharing blood the way he had always wanted to with Drusilla -as a lover and not just a toy-.

But as alluring as that image had seemed he was conflicted. He could clearly picture the one and only time he'd seen her in the daytime. It was after he had found the gem and they were at the college. In his imagination she was smiling and laughing with the sun shinning down on her, right where she belonged. With her golden hair bouncing, she would be doing something like chatting with her friends or maybe even punching that little prick that had upset her. She was glorious when she was angry. Her cheeks would flush red, full of life. Her eyes would spark with fire. She always managed to captivate him and that was even before he realized he loved her. He knew she belonged in the sun and even though the thought of Buffy as a vampire wasn't by far the worst thing he had ever imagined, he favored the version of Buffy that got to keep her sun kissed skin and flushed cheeks.

Afraid of what he would find when he got to his destination, he began to try and imagine a situation where Buffy thanked him for his blood. She would be grateful that he had saved her and she would ask him to show her his world. By the time he got to the house and had stopped by his tree though, the image had turned sour. It had morphed into his Slayer with the face of a vamp, sneering at him as she spat in his face, blaming him for turning her. Claiming he had gotten what he wanted all along and that his blood had cursed her to a half existence of hiding in the shadows, and that she would never be with him.

"Didn't want this, please have Clem be wrong," Spike mumbled to himself as he dug in his duster pocket in search of his pack of cigs and his Zippo. Tapping out a cigarette and bringing it to his lips with shaking hands, Spike tried to think of any excuse as to why Clem could have gotten the wrong impression. He inhaled deeply after lighting up, letting the nicotine do its work to calm his nerves. Halfway through his cigarette, he heard the front door to the house open and someone makes their way out. At the foot of the front steps they paused. Spike was about to look when he realized they had started to walk towards him, then he heard Tara's voice.

"Spike is that you?" she asked towards the trial of smoke coming from behind the tree in front of Buffy's yard. Instead of answering right away, Spike just stepped out from behind the tree to face the young witch.

"Yeah, it's me. How did ya know? And While were on the subject, it's not safe for you to be just walkin up to mysterious strangers? You should know better Glinda," Spike chided her.

Tara dipped her head to hind behind a curtain of hair. "I was sure it was you," she quietly admitted. They stood there silently for a moment, neither one knowing what to say. Finally, Tara spoke up, voice low. "She's inside talking with Willow. Giles left earlier and Buffy's still really upset about it. He didn't take the news very well."

Spike looked towards the house, his eyes landing on Buffy's bedroom window. His heart hurt, but hope hadn't died quite yet. He swallowed. "What news?" he asked, playing dumb. Tara looked up surprised to hear the question.

"Oh, you don't know? But I t-thought...I r-really shouldn't be the one to t-tell you," Tara stuttered out. Hearing the nervousness in her voice Spike dropped the act.

"I was really hoping it wasn't true, please tell me she's not been turned Glinda," Spike admitted solemnly.

Tara's heart bled for the man, she could read the love in his aura as easily as if it had been stamped on his head. Sadly, she shook her head.  
"She's a vampire Spike, Im sorry," She confirmed simply.

Spike flinched and closed his eyes. He felt as if he had been physically struck by Tara's news. He knew out of all the Scoobies, she wouldn't tell him a lie. The fact that Buffy was in the house, talking with Red though, that was a good sign. Bad for him though, if she was trying to stay connected with her human friends then there was no way she was grateful for her situation. The odds were leaning towards her resenting him. Clem had even said that he'd told her she should come to him, but instead she'd asked Clem questions. The only logical conclusion he could think of is that she didn't want to have anything to do with him. There was one way for for him to be sure. Looking up at Buffy's window he searched for that mental link that would mean family was near by. The last thread of hope Spike had snapped as he was able to feel the link that screamed childe. He had only felt it once before With his mother, back when he was just a fledge. Giving it a mental tug, he waited, keeping his eyes on Buffy's window. A tense moment passed and Tara watched Spike as he waited. She could tell he was waiting for something important.

Suddenly, the curtains to the upstairs window were flung open to reveal a very confused looking Buffy. She looked down at the lawn and in moments she locked eyes with Spike. If he'd had a heart beat it would have stopped as he watched her eyes widen before he saw the light drain from them and her face go slack. Buffy's jaw clenched as she gave an obvious dismissal, abruptly closing the curtains without so much as a wave. He felt her shut off her side of the connection. A lump built up in his throat too big for him to swallow around or to form any words.

Tara laid her hand on his arm but he pulled it away, shaking his head in dismissal before turning and walking off into the night towards his crypt, leaving Tara to watch as he disappeared into the shadows. His aura flashed with a disturbing mix of negative emotions. She knew he was about to do something extremely stupid, possibly involving Jack Daniels and a bar fight.


	7. Chapter 7

Buffy watched Willow with an amused sort of expression as she paced the bedroom muttering to herself. She had been watching her best friend's antics since Giles had left earlier.

"RESEARCH !? Can you believe that man? He couldn't even look you in the eye while you were obviously freaking out, and then had the nerve to just turn around and leave, muttering about research!" Willow threw her hands up in frustration before she paused, placing her hands on her hips to look at Buffy.

Buffy just continued sitting on the bed, unsure of what Willow wanted her to say. It was a nice break having someone else freak out over her situation. It made her feel validated and less alone. Buffy was glad Willow and Tara had stayed with her instead of running off into the sunset, screaming. Or worse, try to stake her.

Willow huffed. "Even if he HAD research to do about your situation, don't you think staying and getting all the facts would have been better than running like a frightened little animal?" Willow finished her rant then took a seat next to Buffy on the bed. " I'm sorry he did that Buffy, if Tara says your're still you, then I don't see what the problem is."

Buffy gave Willow a small smile, mentally thanking the universe for dropping Tara into their lives. "Thanks Wills, you have no idea how much it means to me that you're here. I was going crazy today wanting to call someone to talk, but I was so afraid of what everyone would think. I mean, I know it's scary to think of being around someone without a soul so I would have understood, but I wasn't just going to tell you something like this over the phone," Buffy said to Willow.

Willow looked confused. "What? You don't have a soul? I thought Tara said...I'm so confused."

Buffy bit her lip nervously, then preceded to fill Willow in on all the things she'd been experiencing as a vampire. She even explained that though she still loved and cared for her friends, that she had no problem hurting them if they came after her aggressively. She told Willow that she really had to think about things before she did them and admitted to her near slip up while Dawn had been doing her make up.

"You almost bit Dawnie!? I know you're mad at her Buffy, but that's harsh," Willow exclaimed, horrified.

"But I didn't!" Buffy defended. " I knew it was wrong and chose to fight that urge, even though I was really hungry and Dawn smelled so good. I kept thinking that maybe I could just a little bite." Buffy trailed off as she thought about what she'd just said. Willow looked at her friend, mouth agape. "See! Now that I think about it I can tell that it wasn't the right thing to do, but it's like my thoughts are being filtered differently," Buffy admitted.

Willow's expression turned determined. " Okay, we've got this. We totally prepared for this without even realizing it. Is your A.E. kit still in the hall closet?" Willow asked to a slightly confused looking Buffy.

"A.E. kit?" Buffy thought about the question before a minute before the memory triggered." Oh, you mean that box of spell supplies you made for everyone in case Angelus comes back. Yeah, it's still in the closet. Your going to put my soul back? I guess I was so worked up over having lost it I didn't even think about the fact that you could put it back ," Buffy smiled as Willow left to retrieve the box.

"I know it's called the Angelus emergency kit, but in this instance I think it's more of a soul emergency kit," Willow quipped when she came back into the bedroom carrying a suitcase sized wooden box, a big A.E.K painted in red along the sides. After she placed it on the floor and began unpacking the required spell components for the re-ensoulmentd spell, Tara stuck her head in the room.

"No luck on getting Dawn out of her room yet Buffy, sorry." Tara paused to look at Willow. " Is that the thing for restoring the soul?"

Willow nodded as she looked at her girlfriend." Yep, we're going to help Buffy by putting her soul back. That way making those pesky little moral decisions will just come naturally. So she won't slip up and make a boo boo like snacking on Dawnie"

Tara didn't comment on Willows nervous babbling. " Do you need any help with the spell?"

Willow shook her head. " No, I've done this before. I've got it covered."

Buffy raised her hand like she was back in school."Oo, if you want you can go grab the mail. That's the only thing I wasn't able to do today because the sun was up," Buffy told her and then she became still, as if a thought had just occurred to her. Before Tara could say yay or nay, Buffy whispered, " I'm never going to be able to go out in the sunlight again am I? I mean, I knew that right away, but I don't think it ever really sunk in until just now." A tear slipped down her cheek and she wiped it away quickly. "I am so tired of crying! Vampires aren't supposed to have feelings. This is total bullshit!" Buffy exclaimed, frustrated.

Tara gave her a sad smile. "I'll be right back with the mail okay?"

Buffy nodded her head in thanks as she wiped another tear left her and Willow alone to perform the spell. Buffy watched her leave and then turned her attention back to Willow as she calmed back down.

Willow was seated on the floor in front of her, surrounded by bits and baubles only she could identify, the Orb of Thesulah in her hands. "Do you need to talk about it?" she asked Buffy who just shook her head 'no'. " Okay, just give me a few more minutes to set this up and then I'll just need to center myself. You'll be all souly again in no time."

"That will definitely take care of some of my worries. Another thing I'm really concerned about is how things are going to be with Spike. Do you think since he's my sire he'll try to make me do stuff?" Buffy nervously asked Willow. "I know he's not really been doing anything evil lately, but with the whole being in love with me thing, do you think he might try to do something? What if he decides to try and chain me up again? That's not really something I can handle right now," Buffy confided in Willow.

The red headed witch paused in her spell preparation and looked thoughtful. "Honestly, I'm not really sure. He did try and get me to do that love spell for him when Drusilla dumped him even though he hates magic. I really don't think the bond works that way though because Darla was never able to force Angel to do anything."

Buffy took a second to really process her friends words, or tried to, but a sudden feeling, one she could only describe as a mental tug pulled at her. It seemed to be coming from the front yard. She scrunched up her face in confusion and silently got up to walk over to the window and opened it. Standing on the front lawn besides Tara and staring right at her was a worried looking Spike. Buffy felt her face go slack in disdain. The only thought she was possible of processing at that moment was that Spike had just done exactly what she was afraid of. Her jaw clenched in anger before she turned head and abruptly closed the curtains. She felt around for Spike's presence in her head, and when she found it, she did her best to snuff it out. When she felt it go still she relaxed a bit.

"What's wrong Buffy?" Willow asked concerned at her friends strange behavior.

"Spike was outside. He called me over to the window with some vampy mind trick. Didn't I just say that's what I was afraid of!" Buffy fumed.

"Almost ready Buffy, don't worry. We'll figure it out." Willow reassured her while putting the finishing touches on the spell while Buffy took her seat back on the bed. Right about the time Willow had her eyes closed -centering herself- Tara came back into the room with a small stack of mail. Silently so as not to disturb her sister witch, she placed the mail on Buffy's bedside table and took a seat on the bed. Willow opened her eyes and took a deep breath before she started chanting the spell needed to recall the soul of one Buffy Summers.

Buffy and Tara sat entranced as they watched. They could feel the heavy magic in the air. It wasn't long before Willows eyes turned black and her chanting increased. Tara shrank back slightly at the sudden feeling of dread caused by the picture in front of her. She had heard of this spell but until now, she never realized exactly how dark it was. The fact that it was technically a curse made the Wiccan uncomfortable. She had a really bad feeling about this.

Buffy on the other hand was completely focused on the Orb. She knew it was supposed to light up when her soul was captured inside of it. She was so focused on watching the Orb that she failed to notice the first tiny crack forming. Buffy frowned. She wasn't sure that was supposed to happen. The longer the spell went on the bigger the crack grew until it was a beautiful, spiderwebbed pattern. Suddenly the Orb began to emit a glowing pulse before it loudly shattered and sprayed the women with sharp crystal shards. Luckily they were all able to get their arms up in time and avoided any damage from the tiny blade-like shards.

"THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED HAPPEN!" Willow cried in distress as she stood up quickly to check her girlfriend for injuries. While Willow looked Tara over she tried tried to explain what she had felt. " I was reaching out for Buffy's soul and when I finally found it, something blocked me from getting ahold of it. Whatever it was, it was too strong for just me to handle. Maybe if we did it together it would work next time. We have plenty of kits lying around." Willow attempted to coerce Tara into the next attempt while she picked shards out of her hair.

The look on Tara's face was anything but accepting of the idea. " We shouldn't try that again Willow. That spell is dark. I know you've done it before but something tells me it won't work on Buffy's soul. It's supposed to curse a vampire with a guilty soul but Buffy hasn't done anything wrong yet except lose her temper. The criteria for the curse hasn't been met," Tara tried to explain what she believed happened.

Buffy'a hope deflated. She'd really wanted Willows spell to work. Feeling slightly dejected and needing something to do to keep herself busy, Buffy went and got the vacuum to clean the mess up. When she got back to the room Willow was crying and Tara was shushing her.

"I'm sorry I failed Buffy," Willow sniffled.

Buffy shrugged. "It was worth a shot. I've managed so far. Yeah I'm disappointed, but the real problem is going to be telling Xander that I'm a vampire without a soul, one I'm not able to get because I haven't killed anyone," Buffy answered as she shrugged sadly. "Xander's head is going to explode."

Tara continued to pat Willow on the back. " I'm sure if we talk to him first and explain things everything will turn out okay," Tara offered optimistically.

Buffy laughed. " I wish I could be all glass half full to Tara, I appreciate you trying to make me feel better about the fact that one of my best friends is probably going to try and kill me the next time he sees me because he'll consider me a evil disgusting monster. Though I would love it if you would talk to him before he saw me like this. Even better, tell Anya first, that way you guys can gang up on him and make him see reason. Anya may even have something to add that might help. As long as he doesn't try to kill me because it would really suck to have to have to hurt him." An awkward silence followed at the fact she wasn't joking about hurting Xander. Buffy realized what the problem was and sighed. "Really could have used the soul for that last comment huh?"

/

Giles had almost finished his third glass of scotch as he flipped through what seemed to be the millionth page of his archives in the hopes of finding anything about turned Slayers. His vision blurred momentarily from the strain so he removed his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. With a sigh he replaced his glasses and was about to return to his reading when the phone began to ring. Reaching over to grab the receiver, he took the last swig of his scotch before speaking into the phone.

"Hello, this is Rupert Giles," he answered than paused for a reply.

"Giles? This is Angel, what's going on there? Cordelia had a vision." Angel paused, sounding like he was choked up. Giles heard him clear his throat before he continued. "She said Buffy died. That she saw her with a vampire face."

Rupert Giles broke down in tears.


	8. Chapter 8

Spike woke up for the second night in a row with a headache of epic proportions. But Instead of a chip related migraine, this one was brought on by massive amounts of liquor. He remembered leaving Buffy's house heartbroken and in need of some release, so he had headed straight to Willy's where he had ended up grabbing the snitch by the front of the shirt and demanding two bottles of Jack. He took a seat in a dark corner, settling in with the first bottle. It wasn't long before some sort of small, horned, pink skinned demon came over to his table to pick a fight. Several hours later - after destroying nearly half of Willy's bar - Spike remembered stumbling bloody and drunk out through the alley door. He didn't remember the journey back to his crypt but somehow he had managed to make it there in one piece. At least, he was pretty sure this was his crypt -if the ladder he was lying by was anything to go by- It looked like he had almost made it to the bed.

Picking himself up from the tangled heap he way lying in was harder than it should have been, then again, he wasn't only drunk. He was injured too. An hour later he had managed to stumble through showering and putting on a pair of pants. Barefoot and shirtless, hair still wet and curly, he climbed the ladder to see if he had any blood that hadn't managed to spoil in the few days he'd been gone. Opening his mini fridge, he found a brown paper bag with a note tapped to it.

 _Spike,_

 _I figure you'll end up back here sometime before dawn having been to drunk to remember to get blood so I'm leaving the bulk of the stuff I had for you in my apartment. I still have a few containers like I always do for when you come over so if you need to talk buddy you know where I am. I'm sorry again._

 _Clem._

Inside the sack were bags of expired hospital blood. Spike smiled at the thoughtful gesture of his friend. After having his breakfast, Spike sat in his favorite chair with an untouched bottle of Jack. Staring at the amber liquid inside, his mind wandered back to the moment last night when his eyes had met Buffy's through her bedroom window. He relived the moment her eyes had filled with disgust. His imagination revealed a separate memory of Buffy with that same look on her face only this time she'd said,"You're beneath me." Just before she turned her head and closed the curtains on him.

Popping the lid off the liquor, he upended the bottle and drained the whole thing in one go. A human would have gotten sick but luckily for Spike, he hadn't been human in a very long time. As the liquor got to work on making that memory as fuzzy as possible, Spike contemplated trying to feel for the link he shared with Buffy. When he felt the first wave of warmth through his veins signaling that the alcohol was starting to work, he got up and started pacing his crypt to help with his restlessness. Should he try and see her again in a few days, or go back and check on her secretly tonight?

The decision was taken out of his hands when the door to his crypt was kicked open abruptly and a very pissed off Buffy came stomping in, wearing her gameface. Spike was struck dumb by the picture she presented. He had always thought she was beautiful when angry, but the vision before him called out to not only the man in him but the demon as well. While he stood frozen in the middle of his crypt, unable to look away from the tiny package of pure fury in front of him, Buffy stomped right up and got in his face.

"You're going to help me and you're not going to try any mind controly vampy sire tricks like last night, or I will stake you so fast that you won't even have time to realize you're dust. Dawn is missing and I need you to help track her," Buffy demanded as she poked her finger into his bare chest. As if it hadn't register that he was shirtless until she had touched his bare skin, Buffy's eyes widened and her game face dropped as she looked down at where he finger was resting against Spikes naked chest. She jumped back as if burned and turned her back on him. "Get dressed, we need to go."

Spike, still stuck on the vision of Buffy storming in, was behind in processing her words. As their meaning began to sink in, Spike went from dumbstruck to indignant. "You think I was trying to control you last night!? You daft bint, that's not how bonds work. I basically knocked on a wall to get your attention. Bonds can't be used to control, the only thing they do is link blood. It's the equivalent of livin in an apartment with thin walls. We're just neighbors now. We will talk about this more too, but you're right. We do need to find Dawn first." He turned and stomped to the lower level - not nearly as effective on showing his anger when barefoot- leaving Buffy alone to think on his words.

As she waited, she wondered if he was lying to her. The thought only hung around in her head for a moment before she dismissed it. Spike had no reason to lie to her. She decided to hear him out after they found Dawn and chained her inside the house until she was at least thirty. Spike resurfaced -fully dressed and ready to go- while Buffy was tapping her foot in impatience.

Spike took one look at her crossed arms and cocked hip and just knew Buffy was coiled and looking for any excuse to strike. He decided the best course of action was to be short and sweet.

"Let's go then, fill me in on the way," He ground out through clenched teeth, latching onto anger to avoid feeling hurt. He didn't even wait for her as he stepped out the door and into the cool night air, heading towards the entrance of Restfield.

Buffy followed right behind, only pausing to close the crypt door. "We need to head to the school. That's the last place anyone can remember seeing her. Her friend, Janice, said she saw Dawn walking off towards town after school. I called her when Dawn didn't come straight home," Buffy filled him in with business like efficiency.

Spike just nodded his head as he continued to stomp towards the school, staying a few steps in front of Buffy, keeping his back to her. He was livid but wasn't sure who he was mad at exactly. He could tell Buffy was genuinely ignorant when it came to bonds so he understood her reaction last night. He blamed himself some for not hashing it out with her last night and instead going to get sloshed at Willy's. He couldn't help but put the blame on Buffy's stubbornness too. She could have come after him. He also blamed Dawn for using his blood without permission to turn Buffy. But mostly, he just blamed himself for not being strong enough or fast enough to protect Buffy from Glory in the first place. When it all came down to it, she died because he'd failed her.

Buffy watched as Spikes shoulders went from tense to slack, and his stride slowed to a relative standstill. Buffy stopped a few feet behind him, the school within view. "What? What's wrong, come on, we have to find Dawn. Did you pick something up already?" Buffy demanded, confused at the sudden stop only a block from the school.

Spike turned to face her rather suddenly, making Buffy take a step back. "Im sorry," he stated, not looking her in the eye.

Buffy scrunched her face up in confusion. "For what, being a jerk? That's nothing new."

Spike shook his head. "No, because I wasn't strong enough to save you. Since I woke up yesterday I have replayed that fight over in my head at least a thousand times, and every time I think of something I could have done to stop this from happening. I should have been faster or stronger or fought smarter so that you wouldn't have gotten hurt. You didn't deserve this Buffy, you're meant for the sunshine and if I had just been better, you wouldn't have lost it." He didn't cry but his voice did waver. He chanced looking up after several seconds of heavy silence. He expected to see a pissed off Buffy, possibly with a stake. He didn't expect to see her completely dumbfounded with her mouth hanging open.

Buffy was completely shocked to say the least. Spike feeling guilty was not on her list of possibilities. "You're," Buffy gulped and started over. "You're not happy I'm a vampire?"

Spike wasn't surprised at her accusation but it still hurt to hear her think he'd feel like that. "Liked you just the way you were before." He snapped back barely above a whisper. He turned back around and started walking again. "We'll talk later though. We gotta find niblet. Still gotta give the girl a piece of my mind about all this. You gonna tell me why she's missing?"

Buffy caught the intentional change of subject but wasn't going to argue. She needed time to process. "She ran away, I found a note." Buffy explained as she started walking to catch up with him.

"Why would she do that?" Spike asked confused, Buffy bit her lip.

"I may have been being a bitch by blaming everything on her. There may have been throwing and cursing with a side of crying," Buffy admitted sheepishly.

Spike rolled his eyes and turned his head to look at Buffy. "Not that being upset isn't understandable kitten, but lil sis was probably beatin' herself up enough already, think that you probably went a little overboard," Spike chided.

Buffy's eyes flashed yellow in anger. "Upset?! Seriously, you think I'm just upset? I have every right to be as angry as I have been," She defended.

Not one to back down from an argument Spike shot back "Damn right you do, and I can imagine how hard this is for you but I need you to use that brain of yours from here on out and try and think of how she's feeling." Spike paused, taking a moment to really let it sink in how out of control Buffy's emotions were. "Did you check the bus station? It's not too far away that she couldn't hoof it." Spike asked, already making plans on how to help Buffy learn control. He was her sire after all, so technically the job fell to him.

Buffy snapped her mouth shut when she realized she'd never even thought about the bus station. She decided just to shake her head 'no'. At that, Spike changed direction and they both headed for the greyhound depot. On the way, Buffy used the silence to mull everything over. She really needed to let Dawn do the talking when they found her and just listen for once instead of flipping out. Maybe Spike would stick around and play mediator? He was really good at calling her on her bullshit. Buffy couldn't help but be glad she went straight to Spike and his tracking abilities instead of trying to go the the Magic Box and do a locator spell. She was afraid she'd run into Xander. Willow and Tara had talked to Anya earlier that day and they were supposed to corner him tonight at the Magic Box. Apparently Anya didn't have a problem as long as Buffy promised not to bite her. When the bus station came into view, Spike stopped and held up a hand for Buffy to do the same.

"She's been here. I caught her scent," Spike said before he started walking again. He went straight for a bus that was currently loading up with people. The line to get on the bus was almost gone, only a few people left to get on. At the very end of the line Spike made out the chestnut mop of hair that belonged to one Dawn Summers. Spike pointed her out to Buffy and had to step to the side as a blonde blur shot past him. He watched as a clearly startled Dawn was wrapped up in a tight hug by the suddenly crying, former Slayer. He heard Buffy chide Dawn for being stupid in a single breath before telling her how scared she had been until she found that note. Dawn didn't say anything and just let Buffy check her over for injuries.

Buffy pulled Dawn out of the line and over to a waiting Spike. When Dawn noticed him she seemed to sink into herself. At seeing this, Spike realized Dawn was waiting for him to yell at her like Buffy had been doing for the last couple days. Spike just put his hand on top of her hair and shook his head. A clear indication that they'd talk later but that for now they were okay. Other things were taking precedence.

Buffy began to lead Dawn home. Dawn turned to look at Spike when she realized he wasn't following. "Are you coming or not. I think we have some of those little marshmallow's, please Spike." The brunette begged him him.

He looked at Buffy for permission to say yes. When Buffy just clenched her jaw but didn't say no, Spikes face lit up with a hopeful smile before he began following the sister's back to their home on Revello Dr.


	9. Chapter 9

The walk back to the house gave Buffy plenty of time to think. She was doing her best to push her personal feelings aside as she tried to think of things from Dawns point of view. After seeing her sister in line at the bus depot -ready to leave her- she was trying to look at things from a different perspective. She was blaming everything on Dawn when it was technically Glory's fault. Glory had killed her. Dawn had just panicked and tried to save her. Buffy probably wouldn't have done the same, but to be honest, her own experience with vampires was much different than Dawn's. Buffy went out and killed them every night while Dawn hung out in Spike's crypt and watched the very same vampire almost dust himself trying to protect them. Buffy hated to admit being In the wrong, but it looked like she was going to have to swallow her pride if she was going to keep any sort of relationship with her sister.

Dawn was quiet the whole way back, constantly shooting glances between the silent Spike and Buffy. Dawn was hoping that inviting Spike back to the house would give her a Buffy buffer. Spike wasn't afraid to call Buffy on her bs and Dawn was a little afraid that it would turn into another scene like yesterday if she didn't have some help. She knew Spike was probably mad at her but the look he gave her earlier instilled hope of an easy reconciliation with the bleached vamp. Spike had an explosive temper while Buffy's was more of a slow burn, one that would simmer beneath the surface over a long stretch of time.

When they got to the house, Dawn rushed up the steps to beat Buffy to the door. She had planned on just rushing to her room again but before stepping inside, Buffy grabbed her shoulder.

"Don't worry about putting your bag in your room. Just drop it and we'll head to the kitchen since you already promised Spike some Cocoa," Buffy calmly told Dawn.

Dawn just nodded, put out because her plan had been foiled. After stepping inside, Dawn only took a few steps when she heard an "oof" from Buffy. She turned and saw Buffy standing just outside the doorway with her hand held up to rest on the invisible anti-vamp barrier. Her face was one of shocked sorrow. She watched as Spike put a comforting hand on Buffy's shoulder.

"First time you left the house huh?" Spike asked. When Buffy nodded her head 'yes', still not speaking, Spike turned to meet Dawn's gaze. "Niblet, you wanna help us out here?"

Dawn shook off her own surprise, "Oh, yeah. Buffy, Spike, please come in." Immediately Buffy's hand broke through the barrier and into the house, and then she and Spike walked in. They all headed for the kitchen. Dawn took a seat at the island while Spike just jumped up and sat on the counter. Buffy gave him a quick glare but when he just returned it with a smug smile she went about making the cocoa that Dawn had promised Spike. The silence was tense and heavy, it almost made Spike's skin itch so he figured he would have to be the one to break the ice.

"So, wanna tell me where exactly you were headed Dawn," he asked in a light conversational tone, but the use of her actual name showed that he still meant business.

Buffy continued to mix the drinks while she listened silently for Dawns answer.

"I was going to aunt Arleen's. I was trying to give Buffy some space," Dawn admitted to Spike, not able to look at him as she spoke.

Spike nodded his head in understanding. "Okay, I can see what you were trying to do but don't you think it would have been a good idea to let big sis know what was going on instead of just disappearin' on her like that? She nearly broke my front door to get my help to find you." He kept his eyes on Dawn, waiting for her to look at him.

Dawn slowly raised her head, tears in her eyes. "I didn't think she'd care. She doesn't love me anymore so I didn't think it mattered if I told her in person or not. I left a note," Dawn cried and Spike heard Buffy suck in a surprised breath.

Buffy stopped her preparations and came around the counter to hug Dawn. "I still love you Dawn, I'm just mad as hell. I'm not handling this whole vampire situation very well. I'm really angry and sad and I'm so scared, Dawn. I don't feel like I'm in control and you know how much I HAVE to be in control. Tara told me last night that I needed to really make sure I let you know what I was feeling without screaming at you, so I'm going to try harder. But I can't make any promises." Buffy released Dawn from the one sided hug and looked down at her. "Please be patient with me."

Spike watched the sister's with a smile on his face. He had never heard of Buffy being so open about what she was feeling, aside from when Dawn had tried that spell for Joyce not so long ago. Dawn had told him the details when he asked if she had gone through with the spell or not. Right now though, Spike believed it was Tara's influence mixed with the fear of losing Dawn that had sparked this little sharing session.

Buffy left Dawn to hand out the cocoa. She handed Spike his mug filled with those little marshmallows, while she had left hers and Dawn's plain. Spike waited before taking a drink to watch the girls sips theirs. When Buffy took a sip and made a face, Spike leaned forward and offered his cup.

Buffy looked at him confused.

"The marshmallows make it sweeter, makes it taste better," he told her."The stronger the taste the better."

Dawn sniffled. "So that's why mom would always put twice the mix in your cup."

Buffy switched cups with Spike, who proceeded to reach over and fill his new cup with marshmallow's, and then took a hesitant sip. He was right, even though the flavor wasn't what she was used to, the fact that it was sweeter helped it go down better.

While Buffy and Dawn sipped their cocoa, Spike just swished his around in the cup. "So niblet, do you understand your big sis a bit better now? Promise not to run away again?" Spike asked Dawn.

Dawn froze in the middle of a sip, but nodded her head 'yes' and continued drinking.

Spike turned to Buffy."And you, if you feel like you're losin' your mind, how 'bout you call one of the witches or better yet, come find me. I've got a fair idea of what it's like to learn to deal with change and a load of experience at readin' people when I don't have a soul to help me empathize. Plus, I'm a mite less breakable if you get a mind to start swinging," Spike finished his speech by taking a sip.

Buffy had to admit that he had a point. If anything, it was safer to be around Spike when she was really mad because if she got violent he could handle a hit from her. She might accidentally hurt someone else. With that thought, something else clicked inside Buffy's brain. The thought of hitting Spike made her realize that for the first time since before he showed up on Giles doorstep on Thanksgiving, he could hit her back. She should be afraid, but for some reason the idea excited her. She could fight with Spike again. Her demon was suddenly standing at attention.

Spike noticed the change in Buffy's demeanor but didn't know what it was from. He could tell she was excited about something, her muscles were suddenly humming with tension. He tried to meet her eyes but she kept her attention firmly on her mug.

Dawn looked between Buffy and Spike, noticing the sudden tension. "So, now that I've been throughly scolded, could I please just go to my room and go to bed. The tension in here is killing me. Plus I think you guys need to talk too," Dawn said before putting her empty cup down. "And Buffy, remember Spike didn't have anything to do with turning you." With that Dawn left before either of the two adults could say anything different. Several quiet minutes followed with both warriors drinking silently.

Buffy finally looked at Spike who she noticed was studying her intently, as if trying to solve a puzzle. "What?" she asked, slightly irritated at the attention.

"What daft idea popped into that noggin of yours that's got your feathers all ruffled?" Spike asked, still trying to sort out the reason for the tension.

Buffy realized she couldn't get out of answering because Spike could always tell when she was hiding something. She decided to be honest and try her best to be civil. He did help her find Dawn after all."I just realized that I don't fall under the chips protection anymore," she admitted.

Spike cocked his scared eyebrow. "Didn't think about that."

Buffy leaned against the counter, crossing her arms trying be act casual. "I guess that changes things huh?"

Spikes face became serious. "You know I would never hurt you luv," he stated as if it was law.

"Like you could!" Buffy scoffed. "I've kicked your ass before and I could do it again."

Spike smirked. "That so? I'd like to take you up on that challenge another night. When's the last time you had a sparrin' partner that could keep up with you?"

"Not since Riley left," she answered.

Spike threw his head back and laughed hard. "I said that could keep up with you. Captain cardboard always held you back," Spike argued.

Buffy just scrunched up her nose in annoyance but didn't say anything, she knew he was right.

"How 'bout tomorrow night we go patrol together, and if you're up for it afterwards, a bit of sparring? Help you get that restless feeling under control. I can tell that you haven't had a good fight since this happened. You're practically humming with excess energy," Spike observed. He was on cloud nine at that moment. He had spent the last twenty-four hours thinking he had lost Buffy like he had his mother. Apparently though, she was the same hardheaded Summers woman she always had been.

Buffy thought about it for a minute and finally nodded her head. "Okay, but only if you answer some questions while we patrol."

Spike jumped down from the counter. "Any I can help with now?" he asked.

Buffy bit her bottom lip nervously. "Um kinda. Maybe? I'm not sure it's really a thing. I might just be exhausted from being angry all the time."

Spike motioned with his hand for her to ask anyway.

"Well, during the day, no matter how much coffee I drink I still fall asleep on the couch. It doesn't feel normal," she admitted slowly. Unsure of sounding ridiculous.

Spike just nodded his head in understanding. "Makes sense. You're naturally goin' to want to sleep during the day. Your young so it's goin' to be hard to fight the urge. 's natural."

Buffy pouted. "But that's not fair! You go out during the day all the time," she whined.

"I'm older and have a lot more practice. 'specially since coming to this little burg," Spike told her. "Any thing else? How much blood 'ave you been drinkin'?" he asked on a whim.

Buffy chewed her lip. "None tonight, I was too worried about Dawn. I guess about two mugs a day," she answered.

Spike shook his head. "Not enough, you're young and need more. Try for six. It'll help keep that feelin' of anxiousness down. Make it easier to tell the demon to take a hike," he said as she turned to the fridge and opened it. He saw the containers of pigs blood along with one bag of hospital blood that was probably left over from Clem. Spike took out the last bag of human and two containers of pig. He poured them all and popped the mugs of blood into the microwave. "You need to have all of this gone, soon preferably but defiantly before sunrise," he instructed.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Yes dad," she said sarcastically. It was too much for Spike to ignore.

He smirked as he looked her up and down. "By all means kitten, if you want to call me daddy go right ahead. Didn't know you were into that sorta stuff," he leered.

Buffy scrunched up her face. "Pig!"

"Oink oink," he shot back, rolling his tongue behind his teeth while sticking his thumbs through his front two belt loops, cocky as always.

Buffy rolled her eyes and flipped her hair in dismissal. "I think I've reached my bleach brain limit for the night. Bye, Spike."

Spike continued to laugh lightly. "I get the picture, I'll step out for a fag then be on my way. Enjoy your dinner kitten," Spike said as he stepped out on the back porch to have a smoke before leaving. A few seconds later he heard the microwave ding from inside and listened as Buffy took out one of the mugs. He knew there was a thirty three percent chance she grabbed the human blood, but he still listened intently.

Inside, Buffy picked the closest mug to the door and proceeded to take a drink. A second later she had spit blood all over the kitchen island. "OH MY GOD THAT IS DISGUSTING!" she exclaimed. A second later she heard hysterical laughter coming from outside.


	10. Chapter 10

Willow and Tara sat on the couch across from Buffy who was sitting cross-legged in the chair, rubbing sleep from her eyes. Willow took a sip from one of the cups of coffee that she and Tara had picked up from the Expresso Pump.

Buffy yawned. "So how did Xander take it? And have you guys seen Giles recently?" Buffy asked the two witches.

Willow was the first to speak up." Xander is being a poop head. The talk went well with Anya though. She doesn't seem to really care that you're a vamp," Willow paused, trying to figure out the best way to put Xander's reaction. "Xander on the other hand, went kind of ballistic."

"By ballistic, she means that when Xander finally regained the ability to talk, we had to threaten with magic in order to stop him from hunting down Spike and staking him," Tara elaborated. Buffy looked confused.

"What? Spike didn't have anything to do with it," Buffy said.

Tara leaned forward and placed a hand on Buffy's knee. "We know that. But Xander still blames him."

Willow jumped in. "He's insisting it's part of some plan to get you to fall in love with him. We tried to tell him that this was Dawns doing, but that didn't really help. He also suggested that I try the soul spell again, because he's convinced that I messed it up somehow. I did it perfect! I know I did!" she insisted.

Tara turned to look at her girlfriend. "I'm actually going to talk to Anya about that later sweetie. She was going to say something about it but Xander shushed her and she got upset then that's when he got up and left. Anya ran after him so I didn't get a chance to ask her," Tara informed Willow.

"She's probably just going to say I did it wrong. She has zero confidence in my witchy abilities," Willow pouted.

"To be fair Willow," Buffy spoke up,"your track record is terrible."

Willow looked hurt and Tara just leaned over towards Buffy to whisper, "that comment could have benefited from a little bit of soul."

Buffy's eyebrows shot up. "Oh, well I guess I'm sorry, Willow. I wasn't trying to be mean, it's just the truth. That doesn't mean I think you messed this spell up though," Buffy tried to apologize even though Willow could tell the guilt behind the apology was missing.

Willow sighed. "I guess your right. But Wow that was a comment reminiscent of Cordelia if I ever heard one. I wonder if Cordy is soulless too? That would explain so much."

Buffy laughed. "That would wouldn't it. You would have thought I was the devil then before I moved here. I was worse than the Queen C before I was called and Merrick found me. I almost made her look tame," she joked.

Tara watched the two friends laugh together and sent thanks to the goddess that this hadn't been lost. "About Giles though, Buffy, we haven't seen him since he left your house and Anya even said that he's not answering his phone. I was thinking about checking on him after we leave here."

Buffy looked thoughtful as she wondered what her father figure was up to. She was was still upset at his reaction to her news. Anger was always a knee jerk reaction nowadays but this was a tearful kind of anger. The type where you cry and scream and show that you care too much, as opposed to the dry kind where there are no tears and where all other emotions are gone because you are just done. She was tired of being abandoned by the men in her life. It was sad that the only man she couldn't drive away was the one she had literally kicked out of town on three separate occasions. It would seem that Buffy still had lots of tears left.

Tara saw the moment Buffy's face went from curious to despair. She watched as Buffy fought back tears.

"What is so wrong with me that all the men in my life bail? Am I that terrible? I get it okay, vampire. But he just ran. I mean, I kinda understand Spike's point of view now when he was upset that Drusilla didn't even try to stake him. Giles didn't do anything," Buffy sniffled. "AGAIN what the hell is wrong with me? I'm a vampire now we're not suppose to HAVE feelings. Have we been wrong the whole time or am I a screw up as a vamp too? I'm so confused!"

Willow and Tara both got up to hug the crying former Slayer. While Tara shushed, Willow had words of encouragement.

"They're all just stupid jerks and there is nothing wrong with you. I'm just going to come out and say that maybe it's just because Spike is your Sire. We've always known he was a different kind of vampire. He loved Drusilla for over a hundred years. Maybe it's something he passed on?" Willow tried to rationalize.

"Honestly though Buffy, you should probably just talk to Spike. He could give you answers. I did manage to ask Anya if she knew about vampire bonds and if Spike would be able to control you. She just laughed and said that was stupid. That if vampires could control their fledges with the blood bond then they would be more organized and less likely to rip their minions heads off." Tara explained while trying to offer Buffy a place to get answers.

Buffy nodded her head as she calmed down. "It's nice to hear it confirmed but I already learned that from Spike. He helped me stop Dawn from taking a bus to aunt Arleen's last night while you guys were talking to Xander," Buffy admitted.

Willow looked surprised. "I thought you were afraid of him. Why'd you go to him for help?"

"I knew that he could track down Dawn," Buffy admitted "and he's always helped with Dawn." Buffy admitted. "We talked a little afterwards. I'm meeting him for patrol tonight and he's going to answer some of my questions. By the way, Pigs blood is gross and I can see why spike puts a bunch of junk in it. It's like trying to drink a smoothie made from week old double meat burgers. Plus it kinda makes me feel sluggish, like I just binged on a bunch of empty carbs."

Tara stifled a giggle, " I'm sorry to hear that Buffy I'm sure we can find a way to make it better. I'm happy you're talking with Spike though. In my opinion, I think it's a good thing," she told Buffy as she looked at Willow, hoping she wouldn't try to disagree with her.

Willow was about to argue but caught the look Tara was sending her and cut the thought off half formed. If Tara thought it was a good idea, then Willow would keep her mouth shut for now. After all, her best friend was a vampire now, so if said vampire needed another vampire to talk to, at least let it be one that was harmless. That sparked another thought: Angel. She wondered if anyone had told him about Buffy? She doubted it, but decided she wasn't going to be the one to make the call. She was kind of afraid that since she wasn't able to get Buffy's soul back that he might try to stake her. Willow shivered. She never knew how Angel would react. She used to think she knew, but after what Buffy said happened between him and Riley, she wasn't so sure.

"Speaking of patrol, the sun is down so I should probably eat and get going. I told Dawn she could spend the night at Janice's so I could stay out later. Do you guys want to tag along? I'm meeting Spike at Restfield," Buffy offered.

Tara shook her head. "No thank you, I think I want to check up on Giles." She looked to Willow, "Baby, you could go if you want though."

Willow looked between the two women. Buffy just waved her hand dismissively.

"Go with Tara, I'll be fine with Spike," Buffy told the indecisive witch.

/

An hour later Buffy found Spike leaning against the archway leading into the cemetery, smoking a cigarette. When he spotted her, he threw it to the ground, snuffing it out with his boot.

"Hello cutie, did you get a good brekkie in before you came?" he asked nonchalantly.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Yes, and by the way that was totally mean last night. You could have warned me about the pigs blood," Buffy chided as she headed into the cemetery, Spike falling into place on her left side.

"What do you mean I didn't warn you? I complain about it all the bloody time. It's not different just because you're drinkin' it now," he answered innocently. Spike watched in amusement as Buffy rolled her eyes. After that, the duo fell into a comfortable silence. Spike gave Buffy the time she needed to get comfortable enough around him to start asking those questions she told him about. He had spent last night thinking about what sort of questions she might ask him, and if he would have the answers for them.

About half-way through the second cemetery, Buffy finally broke the silence, and of course she couldn't start with the easy ones. "How come I can still love?"

Spike sighed. "Had to pick a hard one right out the gate didn't ya. Couldn't have picked one like, How often do I need to brush my fangs? Or, what's the best kind of material to use to block out sunlight?" he paused. "The answers ,by the way, are twice a day and they have these foam backed curtains nowadays that work wonders."

Buffy just gave him a dirty look, letting him know he didn't get away with changing the subject.

Spike huffed. "Just remember that there are exceptions to EVERY rule" he paused for a moment at her quizzical look but continued "You don't need a soul to love Buffy. Since you seem to have skipped the part where you're power tripping over your new strength, you also have enough control to be able to show it. Most of the vamps you see are half crazy with ego and hunger. They're not used to the bloodlust and strength. My best guess is that since you had all that as the Slayer, you just skipped right over that part about bein' a fledge."

Buffy became indignant "What do you mean bloodlust!? I have never had bloodlust," she disputed.

"Hate to tell you this luv, but all Slayers have bloodlust in spades," he argued. If he hadn't been expecting it, he wouldn't have dodged the swing that she had aimed at his head.

"What the hell do you know!" Buffy yelled as her face changed and she took a fighting stance.

"Don't go denyin' it. You can't tell me you've never felt antsy when you can't find a good fight. That you didn't get a thrill from battling a worthy opponent. That claustrophobic feelin' you get in the middle of the night that makes you get out of bed and hunt down a demon to kill, that's the Slayer bloodlust. It doesn't mean you wanted to bath in the blood of the innocents. It means you always felt the need to fight and kill your enemy," Spike maintained, refusing to lie, to let her hold on to those delusions.

Buffy looked like she was about to argue but when she pulled her fist back to make another strike she froze. "Oh my god, you're right." she dropped her fist and relaxed her posture. Spike noted she almost looked defeated.

"It's part of the Slayer package luv, helps keep you alive. Don't feel bad about it. How 'bout you ask another question?" Spike tried to change the subject to give her time to process. He hoped the Watcher would pull his head out of his ass soon so she could talk to him about some of this Slayer stuff. Well, as long as Spike was there to make sure that Giles didn't try to feed her anymore of that bullshit the Council of wankers liked to stuff down their Slayer's throats. He could see the war going on inside Buffy's head on whether or not to continue with her line of questions.

Buffy let her gameface drop and she looked Spike straight in the eye. "Is there like a special kind of toothpaste for vamp fangs?"

Spike smiled.


	11. Chapter 105

Punch.  
Kick.  
Duck.  
Sweep the leg.  
Dodge.  
Punch.  
Block.  
Jump.  
Kick again.

It was all so familiar to Buffy. Every swing of her fist and every hit that she managed to land was so achingly familiar, that even though she was getting as many hits as she was taking, she was more relaxed than she'd been in days. She was breathing hard out of habit, but her body didn't feel the burning from a lack of oxygen. Everything was fading away as she fell into rhythm. She caught herself laughing.

Jump up.  
Round house kick.  
Land and roll to dodge.  
Punch.  
Kick.  
Uppercut.  
Elbow to the ribs.  
Grab the arm and flip her.

Spike hadn't had this much fun since the last time they'd fought. As the pace picked up, he could feel any leftover anxiety he'd had from the last few days melt away. He made sure he was bringing his 'A' game, because anything less would be an insult to her. He had never felt closer to her than when they were going fist to fist. She was finally giving him something he had asked for, something they both needed. Her laughter was the music.

They were dancing.


	12. Chapter 11

Spike woke up to the sound of his crypt door being slowly opened. He jumped out of bed, immediately reaching for his pants in case it was Dawn since she had nearly gotten an eyeful last time- and grabbed a weapon. He made his way up the ladder and stopped before opening the hatch. He listened through the crack in the trap door to try and figure out who it might be. It was a second after that thought passed through his head that he heard a distinct male voice with a familiar accent.

"Is that my throw pillow?" the voice muttered.

Spike, realizing it was the watcher, slowly climbed up to the upper level. Once topside, he saw the Watcher standing over by the sarcophagus he had thrown a blanket and pillow on it for Dawn, so she had a place to sit whenever she came by. Giles hadn't even noticed him yet.

"That IS my pillow," Giles complained.

"To what do I owe this little visit Rupes?" Spike asked, positioning himself behind a chair in case the Watcher tried to rush him, an axe in his hands.

Giles jumped, turning quickly to face him while making a strangled choking noise. "SPIKE!" Giles slapped his hand over his heart. "Fancy seeing you here." He tried for nonchalant but failed.

"I live here," Spike deadpanned. "Mind telling me what you're doin' here though? Figure it's not for tea and biscuits, but since you have books with you instead of a stake, can I hazard a guess that you have a question?" he guessed, taking note of the leather bound books tucked under the Watchers elbow. Spike lowered the axe quietly until it sat on the floor.

Giles looked at the book, "Oh yes, right. I do need to speak with you. Willow and Tara paid me a visit last night to talk some sense into me. I dare say I deserved every word that was said," he admitted.

Spike crossed his arms and cocked his eyebrow. "So I'm assumin' you pulled your head out your arse and are plannin' on seein' Buffy then?"

Giles's face pinched in aggravation. "I'll see her after I leave here." He took a step towards Spike as he held a book out to him. "These contain the only two known instances of Slayers who have been turned, or at least, the only ones that I have access to. Given their line of work, and the council's extensive records, you think there would be more."

Spike looked at the book that was held out to him but didn't take it right away. "What does that have to do with me? You know I don't turn Slayers, I just kill em. Well, until now, but technically, this wasn't my choice," Spike said, before finally grabbing the book. He opened it and started flipping through the pages, not really knowing what he was looking for.

Giles started talking again. "Yes, I know. What I don't understand is why not? A Slayer is a highly trained warrior and having one on your side would be an asset. I wanted to find proof that Buffy was not lost to us, and in doing so, discovered that the two Slayers mentioned were both eliminated immediately. The first, by her own watcher when she showed up on his doorstep. The second, traveled to the Watcher's council and stood outside their headquarters, waiting for the sun to rise before subsequently dusting. In each case there was no mention of them putting up a fight," he informed Spike. I want to know if there is something the council is not telling us. I surmised if anyone would know about Slayer's other than the council, it would be the one who had made a name for himself by killing them."

Spike snorted. "That's an easy one Rupes, any vamp more than a few years old can tell you that you don't turn Slayer's. They will always hunt down and kill the one that turned 'em. I've heard of at least three idiots who tried. Pretty sure those Slayers dusted themselves too, they may even be mentioned in these books," he told the stunned man.

"Are you saying this is common knowledge among vampires?" Giles asked, waiting for Spike to nod in affirmation before continuing. "Then why is this the first I'm hearing about it?"

Spike shrugged. "Don't know. I'm guessing' there's a lot they don't tell the guys on the ground for one reason or another. Maybe it's so you stake first and ask questions later on the off chance your Slayer shows up on your doorstep with a new set of fangs. Just be glad you didn't do that, because if you had, I would have lit your house on fire and listened to your screams while you were trapped inside. It wouldn't even set my chip off," Spike held Giles' shocked gaze so the bloke would know that he was serious.

Giles had never seriously considered the possibility of Spike being able to do such a thing. He wondered if it was because he subconsciously knew that wasn't the way Spike operated. He preferred a fair fight. Giles shivered involuntarily.

"Don't worry Watcher," Spike stated with a deceptively innocent smile. "If I'd wanted you dead I woulda just snapped your neck while you were a fayrl demon instead of helpin' ya find the bloke that did it to ya."

Giles was suddenly very glad that Spike had been helping them lately. With that chip in his head, Giles had forgotten exactly how dangerous that the master vampire really was.

"Was that your only question?" Spike asked the stunned man. He pretended not to notice how much he had unsettled the Watcher. He enjoyed the anxiety rolling off of the man and was pleased that he had been the one to cause it. Spike had to get his kicks somehow.

Giles took a deep breath to pull himself together and finish what he had come to do. "It's not so much a question as a request."

Spike snorted. "Depends what it is. It'll probably cost you."


	13. Chapter 12

(If you are reading this as I update it, go back two chapters. I forgot to add chapter 10.5. It's just a tiny thing thank you for your patience)

...

Buffy awakened from the first round of peaceful sleep she'd had since becoming a vampire. Her mind woke up before her body, allowing her time to process. Reflecting back on her impromptu sparring session with Spike the night before had made her realize a few things. The most prominent of which was the fact that she hadn't lost any of her skills or strength. The second was, that even though she had always enjoyed fighting, sparring with Spike fed a part of her she hadn't even realized was starving. She felt more relaxed and less antsy today and less likely to tear apart at the seams.

Lying in bed, she took a moment to listen and get a feel for her surroundings. It still felt early in the day, and it didn't seem like Dawn was home from school yet. She couldn't detect any extra heartbeats with her advanced hearing, a skill that she was really coming to appreciate. Buffy stretched, pulling her arms over her head while she stuck her feet out from under the covers and wiggled her toes to help wake herself up. Normally she would have yawned by now, but the need to do so just wasn't there. She sat up and looked around her room. She saw the pile of dirty clothes she had thrown in the corner after last nights patrol and promptly ignored them. She stood up and made her way to the dresser to grab a clean pair of clothes before heading to the bathroom for a nice long shower.

An hour later Buffy found herself alone in the kitchen sipping on her second mug of blood, liberally flavored with some sort of spicy herb Tara had brought by. Around the time Dawn would normally be home, the phone rang. She placed the empty mug in the sink on her way to pick it up.

"Summers residence," she answered in her best preppy, So-Cal voice. There was a deep breath from the other side as if someone was bracing themselves.

"Hi Buffy," a very familiar voice answered her.

Buffy took a deep breath in shock. "Xander?" she asked.

"Yeah, it's me," Xander answered back with tension in his voice. An awkward silence filled the phone line. Buffy heard multiple female voices pointedly clearing their throats in the background of the call. "So, I heard what happened and I've been told that I am very sad but also very supportive. Also, I'd like to know if Anya and I can come over with Willow and Tara tonight for a little air clearing. I've also been told that I will not be a bigot and that I'll be on my best behavior," he finished, sounding sheepish.

Buffy didn't know if she was happy at the opportunity to see Xander again, or if she was angry at him having to be coerced into visiting her. She missed Xander so she fought back her hurt in order to try and help him see that she was still Buffy. "Ill see you around 7 if that's okay with you guys? I want to make sure Dawn gets her homework done and eats dinner first." Buffy let the 'just in case things get complicate' hang in the air.

Xander let out the breath he had been holding."I'll bring donuts, see you then Buffy."

Buffy hung up the phone before she could hear his side disconnect. As she placed the phone on the cradle she heard the front door open and close followed by the sound of a book bag being tossed onto the dining room table.

"Buffy are you awake?" Dawn yelled as she stepped into the kitchen. Dawn paused when she saw Buffy. "Well that answers that question. Can I have dinner at Janice's tonight? Her mom said it was fine. They're having lasagna," the hyper teen asked as she bounced on her toes, waiting for an answer.

Buffy crossed her arms and cocked her hip. "Do you have any homework?"

Dawn shook her head 'no'. "Did it in study hall, I'm free and clear." Dawn bit her lower lip and turned on the puppy dog eyes.

"That doesn't work on me, but luckily for you, everyone is coming over later so it might actually be a good idea if you weren't here when they show up. It could get a bit tense. Why don't you call and see if you can spend the night again. Just tell them I'm sick and don't want you to catch what I have or something like that," Buffy told her with only the barest hint of attitude. Buffy had to cover her ears the next moment when Dawn let out her patented squeal before she launched herself at her older sister in a bear hug. Buffy cautiously hugged her back, careful not to breath her scent in -it made Buffy feel hungry-.

"Thank you thank you!" Dawn burst out before grabbing the phone and leaving the room to make the call.

Buffy just rolled her eyes before heading into the living room to find something to occupy herself. As she sat down on the couch she took a second to look around the room and was suddenly hit with a strange feeling of claustrophobia. Normally at this time of day she would be out doing something like attending her classes, meeting her friends, or even be training in the backroom of the Magic Box. She wasn't used to being stuck in one place and it made the house seem much smaller than usual. She shot up and started pacing. She wished her mother was here so she could talk to her. That thought brought tears to her eyes but she refused to beak down completely. She was wiping her cheeks dry when Dawn came back down the stairs.

"Janice's mom will be here in a sec to pick me up." Dawn announced.

Buffy just nodded her head then paused in her pacing. "Dawn, could you lift the manhole cover up that Spike always uses? I need to get out of the house. I don't want to take the chance that Spike wasn't over exaggerating when he said I'm more flammable than him."

"Okay, Spike showed me the best way to slide it off for him because it's so heavy. I'll go get the crowbar," Dawn announced before disappearing towards the hall closet only to reappear and head straight out the front door.

Buffy couldn't see because the light was stopping her, but she could hear Dawn struggling with the heavy piece of metal followed by a loud scrapping. Moments later Dawn came strutting back into the house with the crowbar slung over her shoulder, looking full of herself. Buffy laughed at the smug look on her little sister's face. "Thank you Dawnie. I'll leave a note for the Scoobies in case they get back before I do, I'll see you tomorrow night for dinner, okay?" Janice's mom chose that moment to pull up front and honk the car horn.

Dawn ran upstairs to grab her overnight bag. On her way out the front door she gave Buffy a quick hug. "Good luck, I'd use the brown comforter in the basement. Mom used it to black the living room window for Spike sometimes." Then she was out the door and Buffy could hear a car door open and then close before a car took off.

Buffy waited until she couldn't hear the car anymore before going to the kitchen and writing a note for the Scoobies. She left it on the counter for them to find. She went down to the basement and found the comforter Dawn had been talking about. She stood at the front door for several minutes, trying to motivate her self to step outside. Her new instincts were screaming at her to stay inside and avoid the sun at all costs. Taking a deep breath, she clutched the comforter tightly and bolted out the front door, She barely stopped to close the door behind her as she headed towards the open manhole cover. The distance was short but she felt like she had stepped into an oven set to self clean. When she landed at the bottom of the sewer she was only smoking a little bit. She felt really proud of herself for not turning to dust. Maybe she could make this vamp thing work after all.

She folded the comforter and placed it in an alcove that looked like it had been made by pulling out bricks, creating a shelf like space. As she stuffed it into the darkness, she noticed that there was another blanket inside. Buffy realized that it must be Spike's. She took a quick smell of the blanket to confirm and identified the smell of leather, cigarettes, and a scent that she could only describe as Spike. Had she not spent so much time with him last night, she may not have recognized it. She had a sudden flashback of Spike explaining how to track someone by their scent alone.

"I guess tracking Spike would be more fun than wandering around the sewers until dark and talking to myself," Buffy mumbled as she made the decision to see if she could track Spikes scent back to his crypt. She knew he had to have a direct entrance to the sewers. She took the smaller blanket and left the comforter then took off In the direction of Spikes scent. It had been more than a day since he'd been here but he had been by often enough that his scent still clung to certain parts of the wall.

An hour- and several dead ends later- Buffy stumbled across a section of wall that seemed different. She only stopped to inspect it in the first place because she smelled Spike on the actual stone. She pushed on the wall and it moved just enough for her to slip through the crack. Silently she squeezed through, careful to avoid ripping her very fashionable pink, silk blouse. She came out into the lower level of what she instantly recognized as Spike's crypt. Buffy did a small, silent victory dance for her successful tracking skills, choosing to ignore all the wrong turns and dead ends that she had stumbled across. She looked around the crypt with yellow eyes and noticed that Spike wasn't down here. It was still light outside but she figured that if she was awake then he probably was too. She headed over to the ladder but stopped at the base when she heard voices coming from up above. She paused to listen.

"Don't worry Watcher," Spike stated. "If I'd wanted you dead I woulda just snapped your neck while you were a fayrl demon instead of helpin' ya find the bloke that did it to ya." There was a heavy pause then Spike continued. "Was that your only question?" She heard Spike ask.

She heard Giles take a deep breath, "It's not so much a question as a request."

Spike snorted. "Depends what it is. It'll probably cost you."

"When Angel shows up, because he will, I would like you to make sure he isn't filling Buffy's head with nonsense. He has always had a knack for subtle manipulation and I believe that he may try to convince her that going with him will be her best option. If what Willow and Tara say is true then I believe that is the last thing she needs," Giles asked of Spike.

Buffy heard Spike audibly growl. " Who told the great forehead about Buffy?" Spike ground out.  
Buffy couldn't see but she imagined Giles was rubbing his temples while Spike tried to hold back his gameface.

"I regret to admit it was me. He called the other night while I was researching the previously turned Slayers, and I'm sorry to say he caught me off guard. He already knew because Cordelia had a vision of it happening. I told him what I knew and he immediately hung up. He hasn't called back and when I tried to reach him Cordelia told me he had gone missing shortly after he contacted me," Giles answered heavily, guilt in his voice.

"This was days ago and he hasn't shown up here?" Spike paused, it sounded like he started pacing. "Wonder what the poof is up to? Can't be anything good. I woulda' expected him to come straight here, guns a blazin'. Are you gonna tell Buffy when you stop by later?"

"I was going to mention it, yes, I don't imagine she'd appreciate a repeat of last years Thanksgiving episode," Giles admitted.

"Before you head over there Rupes, let me make a suggestion. Wait till after dark to head over. That way she won't feel cornered. She'll have the option of leavin' the house without the worry of and his deadly rays," Spike suggested.

"You have a point. I'll head over to the shop and check on Anya first," her Watcher conceded.

"Well you best be movin' on then. No tellin' what she's been doin' while you were buried in the books. Ta," Spike dismissed Giles.

Buffy listened intently for the sound of the crypt door. When she heard it close, she relaxed, only to nearly jump out of her skin a second later when Spike stuck his head down the hole.

"Are you gonna stay down there and eavesdrop some more, or are you gonna come up here and have a cuppa with me?" Spike asked the startled former Slayer before pulling his head back up.

Buffy glared at the now empty hole in the ceiling. Grumbling about jerk vampires who needed bells, she climbed up to the ground level just in time to see a shirtless Spike putting two mugs of blood in the microwave. Buffy paused her grumbling at the sight of a bed-headed, shirtless Spike. Her brain got stuck on 'Guh' just long enough for the cocky vampire to notice. She watched as he quirked his eyebrow before giving her a smirk that always managed to irritate her.

"See somethin' you like kitten?" Spike leered at her.

Buffy snapped out of her daze and glared at him. "Pig."

"If I recall, you happen to like pigs. At least that's the impression I get from that little stuffed piggy you sleep with," Spike chuckled.

If Buffy could still blush her face would be red. "Dawn needs to keep her mouth shut. Besides, Mr. Gordo is a clean pig, not a dirty one, unlike some vamps I know."

"You're right, Peaches really should lay off the hair gel and cologne in favor of just bathing regularly," Spike replied with no small amount of snark.

Buffy just rolled her eyes, refusing to egg him on. "So, how did you know it was me down there?" she asked to change the subject. The microwave dinged and Spike pulled out the two mugs.

"Heard the slab move, then when the cross breeze kicked in I could smell it was you," he admitted with a shrug as he took some sort of herb from a jar and sprinkled it In the blood before handing it to Buffy. "How much did you hear? I noticed you 'bout the time I was tellin' the Watcher if I wanted him dead I'd have already killed him."

Buffy nodded as she took a sip of her blood. It was Spicy enough to cover up the gross pig taste, so she drank it easily. "Yeah, that's when I picked up the conversation." She took another sip of blood. "I noticed you never actually promised Giles anything by the way," she added casually.

Spike rolled his eyes."Because I know you have a blind spot for the great git, but you're not stupid. You won't just believe anything he says anymore like you would have when you were still all doe-eyed over him. Plus, if he thinks anyone can tell you what to do, he must not know you as well as he thinks he does. You can make up your own mind."

Buffy raised her manicured eyebrow. "What if I do decide to go to L.A. with Angel? Are you going to try and talk me out of it?" She knew all of her other friends would try. She was never allowed to make her own decisions without tons of debate from her friends most of the time. She wanted to know if Spike was going to be one more person to be filed in the, 'tell Buffy how to live her life' category.

Spike narrowed his eyes and clenched his jaw. He had lived with Darla and Dru long enough to know a trap question when he heard one. He had to be careful how he answered. "Again, it's your decision, but I refuse to be happy with it. As long as you're happy though, that's all that matters. My fear is that Angel won't let you be happy, he'll try and tell you how bad off you have it and all that rot," he paused to watch her face for a reaction. As far as he could tell he hadn't messed up too badly yet, she was still sipping the blood. His eyes softened and his voice lost it's agitated edge when he continued. "Honestly, am I happy you're a vamp? Hell no, you've lost more than you gained in the deal unlike with most other fledges. I would go to the ends of the earth if you asked me to in order to give you back the sunlight if I thought it was even possible," he paused only to continue with a bitter edge to his voice. "Unfortunately, the only thing that could do that was smashed to bits not to long ago." He gave Buffy a meaningful look.

Buffy met his eyes but wasn't able to say anything. If there was one thing Spike was good at, it was running his mouth. Apparently it could be used for more than just annoying her. She gulped to try and contain the emotions his thoughtfulness had brought up. He understood her, he really did, and he made her feel like she had some of the control she desperately needed to get back. She had the sudden revelation that she didn't really hate him anymore, she probably hadn't for a while. He may still piss her off, but somehow he had managed to sneak over that invisible line she had drawn that separated friends from enemies.

Spike leaned back against one of the sarcophagus and began to drink his breakfast as he watched the emotions play out across Buffy's face. When he finished his cup he decided she probably needed a change of subject so he quickly thought of something new. "Now, are you gonna tell me what brought you my way so early?"


	14. Chapter 13

Buffy and Spike spent their time sitting around the crypt, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. Her realization that Spike had become more of a friend than an enemy these days should have freaked her out, but without having to worry about what her friends would think, she was able to relax and enjoy his company. He helped take her mind off the drama of her current situation by complaining about her 'crappy taste' in music. Buffy decided that if they ever had to be in a car together for a long period of time that she was going to have to bring her own CD player, or else she was going to end up breaking the radio. Just before sunset, Spike offered to escort her home through the tunnels to make sure she could find her way back home. She had agreed, so without wasting anymore time, they headed out from the second level of his crypt.

They made it back around 6pm. The sun had just set. Spike swapped his blanket for the one waiting in the alcove of the sewers and insisted on carrying it into the house for her. Buffy would have put up a fuss about not needing his help, but they had been getting along so well and she didn't want to ruin the pleasant evening they were having.

Once they were inside, Spike placed the comforter on the back of the couch. He watched as Buffy walked over to the answering machine to check for messages only to see that there weren't any. He bashfully met her eyes when she turned around. "Right, well I guess I better head out before the Scoobie's show up. It was nice talkin' to you luv. Just remember if you ever need someone to lend an ear or just need a place to get away, you can always come to me." Spike gave Buffy a soft smile. He wasn't used to being treated so well by her and he was hoping that whatever was causing her good mood would continue.

Buffy gave him a small smile. "Thank you. I may actually take you up on that," she admitted to his surprise. "But I think you're right about not wanting to be here when everyone else shows up. Xander might try to stake you or something. I'm not really sure how everything is going to go down. I've been really lucky with Willow and Tara. Anya was never going to be a problem and after overhearing Giles talk to you, I actually have hope that things will turn out okay with him too. It's all just down to Xander. Wish me luck."

Spike nodded knowingly. "Good luck with the whelp then. If he gives you to much of a problem, demon girl will probably set him straight for you. Ta, luv." With one last smile meant to reassure her, Spike turned around and headed out the door and into the darkened night.

Buffy walked over to the window and pulled back the curtains to watch as he walked away. It looked like he was headed into town, probably to hit up Willy's for some beer. Maybe even a fight. Buffy exhaled deeply as she felt herself losing the calm she had built up while hanging out with Spike. She suddenly felt nervous. She had a feeling it was only a matter of time before her friends would be there and the awkward conversations would start. She let the curtains fall back into place and paced the living room. She thought about all of the things Xander would probably have to say and tried to think of counter arguments for each likely scenario. She was just starting to build a comeback for the possibility of him saying she wasn't really Buffy anymore when there was a knock at the door.

Buffy headed to the front door and opened it so quickly, that the group of five people on the other side jumped slightly at the site of the half frantic woman. "I'm still Buffy!" she blurted out to the startled Scoobies. An awkward moment of silence followed her unprovoked answer to an obviously unasked question. Buffy stood frozen in the doorway, staring in embarrassment at her confused friends. Buffy could hear the ticking of Giles wrist watch as they all stared at her while she blocked the entryway. Buffy knew that if it were possible, her face would have been stained a vibrant red color. The situation grew even more awkward as the silence stretched, everyone just staring blankly at one another. But finally-as if someone had heard her silent plea to be saved from dying of mortification- Tara let out a small giggle.

"Well of course you are sweetie, may we come in" Tara asked, her voice full of amusement. The tension that had been building was released as the Scoobies chuckled quietly.

Buffy moved out of the way and silently motioned them all inside. Willow and Tara led the way, followed closely by Anya and Xander -who had brought a box of doughnuts-. Giles brought up the rear and paused in the foyer to stand face to face with Buffy.

He took a deep breath and locked gazes with his charge. "Buffy, I am sorry for running out like I did last time and for taking so long to come speak to you again. I regret to say I reacted badly and should have given you more time to explain. I am afraid I fell back onto my training as a Watcher and buried myself in research. I hope that you can forgive me," Giles appealed with obvious regret in his voice.

Buffy felt some of the weight she had been carrying drop away as tears of relief filled her eyes. Rather than wipe them away, Buffy launched herself at her Watcher and enveloped him in a hug. She smooshed her face into his chest as she heard him wheeze slightly.

"Breathing Buffy! I still need to breath," Giles exclaimed as Buffy quickly let him go and looked at him sheepishly.

"Sorry Giles, and of course I forgive you, as long as you promise to listen and to never do something like that," she said with a smile that Giles returned hesitantly.

"I'm all ears Buffy." Giles nodded towards the living room to indicate they should join the rest of the group.

They both moved into the living room. Buffy took a seat in the chair while Giles moved to stand by the sofa where Anya and Xander were sitting. Tara was seated in the other chair while Willow sat on the arm. Buffy noticed the box of doughnuts sitting unopened on the coffee table and immediately looked towards Xander who was fidgeting with his keys as if trying to find some way to focus his nervous energy. He stopped when he seemed to sense everyone was looking at him. He opened his mouth as if to say something but was stopped by Anya pointedly plopping her purse on the table by the ignored doughnuts.

"Before we start I have an idea," Anya announced as she began to reach into her purse. She pulled out a hand full of what appeared to be glow sticks and held them up for everyone to see. Giles face seemed to dawn with recognition as she continued to speak." We each should take one of these and snap it. Make sure you shake it really well until they light up blue," she instructed as she passed them around to the baffled group.

"Not trying to sound rude, but how are glow sticks going to help us Anya?" Willow inquired as she snapped hers and shook it warily.

Anya rolled her eyes as her stick turned blue. "They're not glow sticks," she paused. "Well, they are sticks that glow, but they actually serve another purpose. There's two parts to one potion inside here. When you snap it you're doing the final mixture and calibrating it to yourself. It only works on the person who actually snaps it. The person who came up with the idea to sell it like this was a genius. It's very marketable. They're actually lie detectors. If the person that snapped it lies while holding it, the light changes to red. We sell them for $39.99 each, so I'm writing them off as a business expense."

Willows face lit up in excitement as she looked at her blue glowing stick. "Wow! That's actually really cool." she admitted. "But do you think we really needed these?"

Anya nodded. "Yes I do. This way there will be no doubt about whether Buffy is lying and Xander can stop being so angry and sad. He really needs to get over this, it's putting a real damper on our sex life," Anya stated bluntly, her awkward comment making everyone a little uncomfortable. Anya looked over to Buffy who was staring at her own blue stick. "Also, this way you'll know when Xander is just being difficult and it can help us find out the real reason he is having such a hard time with this."

"Ahn, you know what my problem is. I've told you," Xander spoke up.

Buffy's head shot up to look at Xander. "Then please tell me because I miss my best guy-shaped friend," she pleaded.

Xander took his first real hard look at the woman sitting across from him. It was Buffy, but was it really? Everything he had believed in for the last four years told him that it wasn't. It was just something that was parading around and waiting for the right moment to kill them all. He met her eyes and all he could see she was Buffy, the same girl he had been friends with for the last four years. Xander swallowed. Subconsciously, he couldn't help but see another face superimposed over Buffy's. He let out one word with so much weight behind it that the whole room felt the atmosphere thicken. "Jesse."

Buffy sighed, "I'm not Jesse, Xander. My situation is completely different," Buffy tried to explain.

"I know that and I'm trying to get past it. You died and a demon took up residence in your corpse just like any other vamp. I don't understand why Jesse would be a different person after being turned when you're clearly not. You're a demon now, your not human and you don't have a soul, unless there's a different set of rules for Slayers? Also, for some reason Willow said she can't put your soul back either. I just don't get it. I don't see how you're our Buffy anymore than he was our Jesse. Even Angel said that without a soul, a newly turned vamp isn't anything like the person they were before." Xander tried to explain his conflicted feelings with relative calm seeing as it was such an emotion declaration.

Buffy felt her mood sinking, she looked at Xander's hands and saw the steady blue light of the glow stick. He was telling the truth, that was really how he felt. He honestly believed that she was just a demon walking around in a Buffy suit. She looked down at her own hand before holding the glow stick out for everyone to see. "I am a fantastic driver," she paused as it turned red for a moment and then right back to blue. "Okay, just checking. Now that I've proven it works, Xander, let me say it again. I am still Buffy. I still love and I do not feel the need to go out and kill people. I feel different than did before I was turned, but I don't feel like a totally different person. I'm not evil but I don't feel the need to go out like I used to and hunt down the bad guys. I still want to be your friend Xander, and I really hope that we can get through this. Please believe me," Buffy added with a small crack in her voice as everyones eyes stayed riveted on the steady blue color of her potion glow stick. She had originally intended to be all, like it or get out, but when faced with her friends, she felt herself become vulnerable. She had spent the last few days telling herself that if Xander couldn't accept her then she would learn to live without him, but she was terrified now of actually having to do that. She saw as he struggled with her words, the words that the lie detector was insisting were the truth. She waited with everyone else as the young man battled to come to a decision.

Xander, for his part, still had questions. "So just to clarify, you do NOT have your soul, right?" he asked cautiously.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "No, I do not have a soul. But I'm not really that different. It's not like I just up and forgot what's good and what's bad, It's kind of like I have a tendency to be selfish instead of selfless," Buffy answered as well as trying to explain.

"Buffy explained it to us by saying it was like her filter got switched out. Like everything goes through the demon instead of her soul. She's still Buffy but with one part switched out," Willow piped up as she watched Xander try to process the blue light in Buffy's hand.

Anya reached over to pat Xander on the shoulder.

Giles looked on from the side as if trying to commit the entire conversation to memory for later. "Interesting, so you're saying the soul acts as a filter and now that you've lost it, the new demon has taken up that job? I wonder if being the Slayer is the reason you seem to be almost unaffected by your turning?" Giles questioned out loud. "I was able to find two other instances of Slayers who had been turned. In each of these instances the girls only showed violence towards their maker. Spike informed me that it is common knowledge amongst vampires that a turned Slayer will kill their sire and that's why it's not a common practice," Giles informed the group in front of him.

"So your saying she's like this because she was a Slayer, that her case is different and that I didn't murder my best friend?" Xander asked meekly as everyone looked at him in confusion.

"Xander, Glory killed me. I don't see how you blame yourself. There was nothing you could have done," Buffy explained puzzled by his question.

Xander's eyes grew suspiciously moist. "Not you Buff, Jesse. I staked him after he was turned. If the only reason you're different is because you're the Slayer, then Jesse would have just been a normal vamp, I guess that means that I killed the demon, not him. " He said with a wavering voice, clearly hurting. Everyone suddenly understood why Xander was really having such a hard time. They knew it had to do with the childhood friend he had lost but no one had considered that it had to do with Xander feeling guilt for possibly dusting his friend instead of a demon.

Anya leaned into Xander to comfort him as she rubbed his arm. "Baby no, don't think like that. Buffy was already used to the super strength and feeling of power from being the Slayer so she didn't go all power mad like newly risen vampires do. She only really had to get used to the blood thirst which isn't so bad when you're already trained to make the right decisions without a soul. The council may not have raised her but Joyce did a really good job of teaching her right from wrong so she has a great foundation for soulless decision making," Anya attempted to soothe Xander.

Everyone in the room froze, not quite sure how to process what the former vengeance demon had just said. As Anya continued to try and snuggle with Xander, they all looked around at each other to see if anyone else was going to be the one to ask the oblivious woman to clarify her last statement.

Surprisingly, it was Tara who first spoke up while everyone was still trying to figure out the strange wording she had used. "Anya, I don't think I understand. What did you mean by Buffy already had a foundation for soulless decision making?" she asked.

Anya met Tara's eyes and seemed to realize that she had caused a bit of confusion. "Oh, sometimes I forget what's considered common knowledge amongst humans. Demons too in this case, because the only reason I really know about it is because Dehofryn explained to me why Potential Slayers made the best vengeance demons. You see, when you turn a human into a vengeance demon, you have to take out their soul and give them a vengeance demon soul along with a power center. A typical body can't deal with the supernatural changes it takes to become a demon, so they turn out like vampires. A hybrid with human and demon tendencies. Potential Slayers are already soulless though, so you just have pop the vengeance demon soul into the empty space where the Slayer soul would have gone if they were called," Anya explained, completely oblivious to the fact that she has just caused four people's minds to basically implode.

"Also," Anya continued, clearly on a roll while everyone struggled to come to terms with the news. "If they are recruited during early puberty like they would be if being called, then they body is still in that natural stage of flux where it can grow to accommodate the changes necessary to house all that supernatural power without destroying them. Hoffy doesn't even need a power center for those recruits, he just lets them continue to mature before making them immortal. That's also why vengeance demons are woman. Our bodies are more mailable because we are bred to be able to adapt for childbirth. It's the same reason Slayers are never called after they become too old, their bodies wouldn't be able to handle it, because they had already gone through puberty," She finished looking pleased with herself for being able to share he knowledge and experience with everyone for once without being shushed.

Buffy found herself staring at Anya's still blue stick. "So, are you saying I never had a soul in the first place?" Buffy choked out.

"Not originally no, but when you became a Slayer, the Slayer essence acted like one, didn't you notice a difference?" Anya asked. Everyone turned their attention to Buffy.

Buffy thought back to the days before she had been called. She was almost a different person. She was shallow, petty, selfish and self involved. The perfect example of the spoiled California valley girl. After being called she began to feel the duty of the Slayer and all of that responsibility on her shoulders. She fought it at first but realized she couldn't just stand by and do nothing while people suffered and she could have stopped it. Valley girl Buffy really wouldn't have put herself in danger for strangers. Was that the reason potentials were supposed to be raised by the council? Because they were soulless and needed to be trained to make the right decisions? Is that why Kendra was the way she was? It all made so much sense now that Buffy was thinking about it.

"You're right, I just thought it was me growing up though," Buffy admitted before looking to Giles. "Did you know about this?" she demanded of her Watcher.

The question seemed to snap Giles out of his thoughts and he looked around the room at everyone's accusing stares. He bristled "Of course not! I had no idea. Anya are you quite sure you have your information correct? I feel like that would be something I would know."

Anya just huffed. "Of course it's right. But is it really so odd that you don't know? I mean, they probably keep a whole lot of stuff from Slayers, their Watchers too. Think about it. If they knew that the kids they were supposed to raise didn't have souls and were supposed to be trained to kill, do you think they'd be okay with that? They would freak out and be afraid that they were living with an omen child that would kill them in their sleep, It's really all about how you raise them, just like with any other child. It just a bit harder for them to understand the why part of a good decision, but they can still learn to make them," She defended.

So far the only time anyone had seen any of the glow sticks turn red had been from Buffy's initial test. Everyone was becoming more uncomfortable with all the new information flying around but Buffy was getting that claustrophobic feeling once again.

"Are we good Xander?" Buffy quickly asked before anyone else could add anymore new revelations to the growing pile.

Xander seemed taken aback by the sudden question. He had been so lost in his own thoughts that he wasn't prepared to be addressed by anyone yet. He blinked at Buffy several times while she waited for an answer. Were they okay? He was so rattled at that moment that he didn't answer right away. As he took in Buffy's desperate look though, he felt the stone that had settled in his gut after the Jesse conversation, crumble. She wasn't Jesse, she was Buffy. She was STILL Buffy, and that was really what counted. He took a deep breath and slowly released it. "Yeah Buff, were cool. I missed you." He held up his still blue stick as he gave his answer.

Buffy felt herself tearing up again right before she launched herself at Xander for a very careful hug. She didn't want to break him on accident like she had almost done to Giles earlier. "Thank you Xander, I missed you too," she sniffled before pulling back and standing up to face everyone. "I trust what Anya says, but I really want to look into this more. Will you guys help me?" she asked. When everyone nodded their head 'yes', Buffy smiled. " Awesome, so tomorrow night at the Magic Box sound good to everyone?"

"That sounds like a very good plan. I believe I'll go back to my flat and start looking tonight though. I have books I'll need to bring with me tomorrow," Giles said.

"I think we should all get a good nights rest before tomorrow. Tara and I will head out and we'll give you a call in the afternoon, okay, Buffy?" Willow added. Buffy nodded and gave both girls goodbye hugs as they got up to leave. The others quickly cleared out after that, leaving Buffy alone with her thoughts. She needed to get out of the house and clear her head. Too much new stuff to process. With her mind made up, Buffy headed out into the night to find the only person who made her feel stable anymore: Spike.


	15. Chapter 14

Spike stumbled back into Restfield just before sunrise. He had left Buffy's house earlier that night and had gone straight to Willy's. He'd enjoyed his time with Buffy more than he thought possible, but he couldn't help but worry about how things would go with her friends. It wasn't even the girls or the Watcher that he was worried about. It was the whelp. He knew how much Buffy cared about Xander and he feared that she would still be hurt by that boys rejection -no matter what Buffy claimed about the subject-. Spike was no stranger to that feeling and was just hoping that Anya was able to help Xander pull his head out of his ass.

When he made it to his crypt he was happy to realize that it still smelled strongly of Buffy. He took a deep breath as he shook off his duster and threw it towards the chair. He almost face planted when a small 'oomph' came from the direction he had just thrown his duster. Spike automatically reached for the switchblade in his back pocket when he saw Buffy's head pop up from where she must have been resting. Spike relaxed as he watched the tired Slayer look around in a sleep induced haze.

"Bleedin' hell, kitten, give a bloke a heart attack why don't ya," Spike scolded her, a look of relief on his face as he placed his hand over his heart.

Buffy blinked at him. "You can't have a heart attack Spike, so quit being a drama queen." She stretched her arms above her head before making herself comfortable in the chair again.

Spike was confused. He put his blade back in his pocket and walked around to sit on the trunk that was acting as his coffee table. Buffy watched him with sleepy eyes from the chair. "So do you wanna tell me why you're here sleepin' in my chair instead of all snug in your bed at home?"

Buffy looked down. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, effectively making herself as small as possible. Spike sensed sadness through the link they shared but waited patiently for her to say something. When it came to the woman he loved he'd always had patience in spades.

"Did you know that I don't have a soul?" Buffy meekly whispered.

Spike caught the words but was confused. "Well, yeah. The only vamp with a soul I know of is Angel. I thought you already knew you didn't keep yours? What did the whelp say to bring this out? Do you want me to bite 'em? It'll give me a nasty headache but it'll be worth it," he responded as he leaned in a bit closer to her chair, trying to make eye contact and coax her out of her shell.

Buffy let out a small chuckle at Spikes attempt to cheer her up before taking in a deep breath. "I was talking about never having one to lose. You don't have a soul but you used to. Potential Slayers are born soulless, so I never had a soul to begin with. Anya explained the whole thing. I thought maybe because you'd fought Slayers you might have done some of your own research and knew about it. I'm guessing you don't," Buffy told him as she watched his eyebrows travel higher and higher until they were in danger of disappearing into his hair line.

"I can definitely say that's news to me, luv. I'm guessin' by your reaction you don't take this as a good thing?" He hazarded a guess as he scooted just a few inches to the side to get a better view of Buffy's face. He only had a moment to register her scrunched features before she broke out into loud sobbing. Spike panicked. He wasn't good with crying women. He could handle a few tears, but full blown hysterics were beyond him. He desperately looked around for a tissue or something else he could possibly hand her. When he realized that he had nothing, he scooted off the trunk to kneel in front of Buffy and laid his hand on her shoulder. He tried to shush her but her crying just got louder. After several more minutes of loud sobbing, he did the only thing he could think of, figuring, it would be worth it if she punched him in the nose. He closed his eyes and found the little link that he shared with her and sent as much calm through it as he could.

Buffy slowly began to wind down. Spike's hand on her shoulder was a comforting weight and she felt his touch tug on the part of herself that she shared with him. He was right. It was more like hearing something through a connected wall then someone forcing themselves on to you. Buffy sniffled loudly as she wiped her hands across her cheeks to clear some or the tears away. "Thank you," she said to him, finally meeting his eyes.

Spike gave a relieved smile. "Feeling better I hope. But now that you got that out of your system, care to tell me what's that was all about. I think I missed somethin'."

Buffy nodded her head."Okay. Well, if there are hell dimensions then there must be heaven ones right? But since I never had a soul. I'll never get the chance to see mom again." Buffy could feel the urge to cry again but she closed her eyes instead and did her best to 'listen' to her connection with Spike.

"Okay then, lets use logic here for a moment then. You said you're still yourself right?" Spike stated more than asked. He waited just long enough for Buffy to make a small nod 'yes' before continuing. "If your soul is the thing judged and not you, then Angelus wouldn't be all tortured and broody, dead set on atoning for his sins because his soul wasn't there when he committed them. It's you as a whole that's responsible, not a small part that you may or may not have been born with. You're still you where it counts. So logically, you could still go to Heaven when you dust as long as you keep makin' all those good choices like people with a soul do."

Buffy listened quietly as Spike spelled things out. She still had some doubts but she felt she'd made the right choice in coming to talk to him about it. Just because she was feeling better though didn't mean she was completely convinced. "That reasoning is a bit of a stretch."

He sighed deeply, throwing his head back. "It may be a stretch but it still proves my point. Not only that," he paused to look at her again sternly, "didn't the other slayer and you switch bodies last year? Are you held responsible for what she did while she was in your body?"

Buffy responded with an indignant "NO!"

"Then there's your answer," he insisted. "Just your consciences' got switched, and since your still in possession of that, then what are you worried about?" Spike finally removed his hand from Buffy's shoulder as he stood up. He looked around his crypt for something and immediately spotted it. He walked excitedly over to a bottle of unopened Jack Daniels sitting beside one of his colorful throw pillows that seemed out of place on top of a sarcophagus.

Buffy watched from her position curled up in the chair as he grabbed the bottle. He opened up the trunk serving as his coffee table and pulled out two glasses. She watched as he silently poured what she knew to me more than a double shot in each glass before handing one out to her.

"Here luv, always seems to help me," Spike offered.

Buffy stared at the amber liquid and flashed back to her cave Buffy hangover. "Thanks, but no." She quietly turned it down.

Spike sighed but shrugged before downing both of the glasses quickly. After setting them down he sat back on top of the trunk and looked at Buffy. "So…," he started, unsure of where the conversation was supposed to go from there. He saw Buffy crack a smile at his attempt to make things less awkward.

"Can we just, be here? Not talking, just keeping each other company? Everything's just been too much lately and the pressure has been there whenever I'm with anyone else, but when I'm alone my thoughts just…" she trailed off.

"So you just want some quiet company?" he asked. The relived look on her face said it all. "I can do that pet. Feel free to be here as long as you need. But if you do feel like talkin' I'm here for that too if you need it."

And that's what they did. Buffy stayed the entire day in Spikes crypt. They sat silently, just basking in each other's company, until Buffy yawned and Spike sent her down to bed. She only mildly protested when Spike said he'd sleep up top. When he heard her stirring later in the day he had a mug of blood waiting for her when she poked her head up to the top level. After 'good morning's' and 'thank you's' were exchanged, Buffy said her goodbyes so she could go home and wait for Dawn. Spike watched her head out the crypt door, feeling as if he'd just gotten his crumb. She trusted him enough to come to him when she was upset and let her guard down. She had leaned on him in a time of emotional weakness and Spike wasn't stupid enough to think that wasn't a big deal for her.

Several hours later he was even more surprised when Buffy came back and asked if he would patrol with her and then maybe fit in a sparring session if the pickings were slim. She hadn't even finished asking him before he had his duster on and was headed out the door.

The pair fell into the same routine over the next three weeks. Every night they would patrol and then spar if the town was quiet. On the weekends Dawn would stay with Janice or Willow and Tara and Buffy would stay over at Spikes crypt to basically recharge her emotional batteries. The first night she showed back up at the crypt to stay, Spike was so confused that he ended up offering her basically everything he had in his fridge -including- some moonshine that he had won in a poker game-. Buffy laughed at his antics and suggested that maybe they should just play cards. That day went like the other one: Buffy sleeping in the bed and Spike in the sarcophagus with the throw pillows.

The third night Buffy had stayed was after she'd had a really rough week. Xander had been complaining that she was spending too much time with Spike. He had tentatively accepted the changes in Buffy and had been trying to maintain their friendship but Buffy knew he still made sure to have his stake close by. Spike hadn't even asked what was wrong even though he could tell she'd been crying. He let her silently curl up in the recliner while he just pulled out a book and read silently by candlelight. After about two hours Buffy started talking out of nowhere and all of her built up stress from the week just poured out. Spike put his book down and played the role of avid listener. He had decided he would be whatever Buffy needed him to be. She told him about how the bills were starting to pile up and how she was worried that her mothers life insurance would only last a few months, and about her arguments with Xander, and finally about how Giles was planning on leaving for a few weeks to try and find out about what the council knew.

"What can I do to help kitten?" he asked her as they walked through Restfield towards Spikes crypt to turn in for the night, having already finished with a quiet patrol for the night.

Buffy was taken aback by his offer to help. "Well, I guess if you know of any job that I could do as a vamp that's on the up and up then that would be great. Other than that I don't know how you'd be able to help aside from what you've already been

Spike puffed his chest out and gave a mock salute which earned him a giggle from the former Slayer. "I'll keep a look out and let you know what I find. Count on me. You know I'd do anything to help."

She gave him the brightest, most genuine smile that he'd seen from her since she had been turned. If asked, he would say she brought the sunshine with it. But that was just the poet talking. Later, she asked him if he would lay with her while she fell asleep. He knew better than to make a remark or he'd lose his opportunity so he just nodded and then followed her down stairs. When she slipped out of her jeans leaving her in just panties and a t-shirt. She slipped under the covers and left Spike stunned, speechless even.

Buffy saw the shocked look on Spike's face as she snuggled under the covers. "What's wrong?" She asked, well aware of the problem but feigning innocence.

Spike took a deep breath and pulled himself out of his stupor. He saw Buffy try to hide a sly smile as he climbed into bed with her after stopping to take his shirt off, leaving his jeans on but unbuttoned.

That night as Spike laid there with Buffy, holding her while she slept, was the best night of his life. She had let him in and he had never felt so close to anyone before.

The week following that night Buffy had begun initiating physical contact. It started out with little touches. Her hand would brush against his arm when they passed. She would sit close enough to let their knees touch when he was at the Magic Box helping with research or when he stopped by to help Dawn with her English homework. Thursday night after an intense bout of sparring, Buffy helped Spike off the ground and instead of letting his hand go, kept it clasped in her own the entire walk from Shady Rest to Revello Dr. Spike kept silent about all of these new developments and let Buffy completely take the lead on whatever kind of relationship they were beginning to build. He felt like he was lost in the woods and was following a trail of crumbs to his salvation.

They spent the weekend the same as the previous one: Spike holding her as she slept. They spent all night Saturday in his crypt watching movies and playing cards, only getting into one major argument over who was the best Bond after getting back from a quick patrol. That day he was the first one asleep. Then Sunday came and he and Buffy took a longer patrol around the warehouse district coming across smaller groups of vamps and one Chingra demon who could camouflage itself like the buildings around it. They ended the patrol with big smiles on both their faces. When they finally made it back to her house hand in hand, they stopped to stand underneath the tree in the front yard.

"Spike, thank you," Buffy said as she stopped to stand under the tree. There was an unusual chill in the air. It didn't seem to bother either Vampire.

Spike cocked his head to the side and smiled. "For what kitten?" he asked, only taking a second to glace towards the house when he noticed the living room curtains moving. It appeared they had an audience.

Buffy remained ignorant to their little spectator. "For being there for me with the not judgyness and for giving me a place to recharge and for not making me feel like I have to pretend that everything is okay all the time," she admitted.

"Well luv, you know that's not all true. I have no problem telling you when you butcher the English language," he joked, hoping she wasn't about to say 'thanks for being there for me, but I don't need you anymore, bye.'

Buffy seemed oblivious to Spike's inner paranoia. "Hardy har har. I'm pretty sure that 'gormless tit' and 'kip' aren't exactly proper. But anyway, I really mean it. You've become my safe place , so thank you." She shuffled her feet and looked down at the suddenly very interesting grass. If she could blush her face would be beet red.

Spike watched her with a sense of dejection. "So I'm guessing this is the part where you say that it's been great so let's stay friends or somethin' along those lines," he stated with contempt as he released her hand so he could take a step back.

Buffy's head snapped up in surprise. She watched as Spike dug around in his pocket for his pack of cigarettes with a frown on his face. "That's not," she trailed off when he pulled out his lighter and lit up. "You know what, I've never been word girl so here comes action Buffy," she declared as he brought the cigarette to his mouth. Face set in determination, Buffy snatched the cigarette from his lips before he could even take a puff. Spike let out a single 'Oi' before Buffy launched herself at him, brining his face down to hers. She silenced his doubt with a kiss.


	16. Chapter fifteen

Some people say that they see fireworks when they kiss someone for the first time, but Buffy wasn't one of those people. She would say that this kiss was electric. When her lips first touched Spike's she felt that intense adrenaline rush she got whenever she ran head first into a fight. If her heart had been beating it would have been loud enough for the neighbors to hear. But then it got even better when Spike grabbed her around the waist, squishing her to him, and finally began kissing her back. She could feel jolts of desire running through her entire body. This was not their first kiss -if you counted the will be done spell- but this was their first real one and the difference was like night and day. Buffy could feel Spike pouring his emotions into this kiss as if he were afraid that it would be the only one he would ever get from her. She had gotten to know a whole other side of him over the last few weeks and had come to realize how many insecurities he was hiding with that mouth and swagger of his.

A loud squeal was heard from inside of the house that sounded suspiciously like a certain teenager, causing Spike and Buffy to slowly break apart. Buffy sent a glare towards the house while Spike leaned forward and laid his forehead on top of Buffy's head, refusing to loosen his grip on her waist.

"If that was only a thank you then stake me now before reality comes crashin' back," Spike declared as he stood basking in the after kiss haze. He felt her lean back and immediately squeezed her just a little tighter.

Buffy didn't fight his hold and molded her body against his once more. "Yes, that was a thank you," Buffy had to hold on tighter to Spike as he tried to take a step back before she could even finish her sentence. "Hey! I wasn't done talking," she pouted as she leaned back to look at Spike. He had a blank look on his face, as if he was hardening his resolve. Buffy just rolled her eyes, frustrated with him always jumping to conclusions, before she continued. "Anyway, as I was saying before you decided to be a dolt, that was a thank you, but I was hoping that you'd be willing to also let it be a beginning to something else. I want to give us a try, Spike. If you're still willing."

Spikes smile lit up like the Fourth of July and then, before Buffy could even react, he had her lifted off the ground and was spinning her in circles across the front lawn. "Bloody hell, yes Buffy! Of course I want this, I've wanted this for far longer than I've even been willin' to admit to myself." Buffy was giggling loudly as he finally set her back down. "So what changed your mind if you don't mind me askin'?"

"You changed my mind. These last few weeks while everyone else has been freaking out or walking on eggshells around me, you've just been supportive without being weird about everything. It made me finally stop looking for ulterior motives long enough to get to know you. And honestly, I kinda stopped caring what my friends would say about my dating life. I realized it's really none of their business." Buffy took half a step back from him, keeping her hands on his arms. "At first I was kind of afraid it was because of the bond from you being my sire but I've come to realize you were right, and don't get used to me saying that, and it really has no say over my opinion of you."

Spike was stunned speechless, he couldn't stop staring at her as she smiled at him. If she had the ability to blush he figured her face would be tinged with pink.

"Well, apparently word Buffy also made an appearance tonight," she mumbled as she looked away from Spike and towards the living room window again with a sigh. "I should probably get inside to Dawn, the little snoop."

Spike blinked and pulled himself out of his euphoric haze before looking toward the house himself. "Yeah, little bit is probably about to burst with the show we just gave her," Spike chuckled when Buffy moaned in annoyance.

"She is, isn't she?" she took another step back and reluctantly slipped out of his arms. "I'll see you tomorrow night for patrol, right?"

Spike shoved his hands into his duster pockets to keep himself from reaching for her again. He might not let go this time. "I'll be here with bells on," he proclaimed.

"Xander's always said we needed to put a bell on you, so don't go giving me ideas," she laughed before turning to walk into the house.

Spike watched her go with a goofy grin plastered across his face and a buzz of happiness stuck in his head.

Buffy stopped at the bottoms porch step and looked over her shoulder towards him. "I hope you get some sleep Spike," she bid him goodnight before taking the last few steps and disappearing into the house.

Spike stood there for several more seconds just gazing at the front door before he realized he was staring and she wasn't going to come back out. So with a muttered "Right then," he headed back to his crypt for the night, knowing full well he wasn't going to be able to catch a wink of sleep.

…..

Buffy shut the front door behind her and was immediately met with a very hyperactive Dawn. The teenager was standing in the entryway bouncing up and down like she'd just eaten an entire bag of sugar with a grin that threatened to split her face in half. Buffy could almost feel the energy rolling of if her.

"Oh my god Buffy, are you and Spike dating now?! I totally saw what just happened and you have to tell me EVERYTHING," Dawn demanded with a glint of sisterly mischief in her eyes.

Buffy's first reaction was to get annoyed at the teen for interrupting her first real kiss with Spike, but she pushed that aside in favor of another more positive emotion. She hadn't seen Dawn this happy in a long time and she knew a lot of that was her fault. So Buffy decided that for once, she'd let her sister in because she may be the only one that would be as excited about the new development as Buffy was. She smiled slowly and grabbed Dawns hand. "Come on, we need ice cream for this," she exclaimed as she dragged Dawn into the kitchen. "I finally feel like I'm catching my balance again. Now if I can just get a job I really think things will be okay again."

…  
Buffy woke up the next afternoon when she heard a knock at the door. Looking at the clock, she noticed that it was just before three, so she knew it wasn't Dawn forgetting her key -she was still at school-. Throwing a robe on over her pajamas she groggily made her way downstairs to peek through the front door. Standing on the front porch was Willow and Tara, the former of the two looking slightly nervous. Buffy smiled and waved them in, stepping back to avoid the subtle bit of light that tried to make its way in.

"Hey guys," Buffy greeted sleepily. "What brings you by? You have a key Wills, why did you knock?" she asked as she led them into the kitchen so she could go ahead and grab some breakfast while they let her know what was going on. Buffy saw the two empty ice cream bowls still sitting on the counter from the sisterly dish session she and Dawn had last night, and quickly put them both in the sink. She heard Willow take a deep breath as if gearing herself up for something.

"So Buffy," Willow tentatively started. "We were thinking, we know you were talking about getting a job because you weren't sure how long the money from your mom's insurance would last, so we had an idea. What if Tara and I moved in? We could pay rent like we would for a dorm, plus help with Dawn for daylight things. What do you think?" Willow finished as she twisted her hands nervously. Tara placed a supporting hand on her girlfriends shoulder.

"We would understand if you wanted your space though and weren't ready to have anyone move in. We also realized that it would probably mean having to pack up your mothers things, and we didn't want to push you to do that if you weren't ready," Tara added softly.

Buffy was touched. She swallowed back the lump that had developed in her throat and chanted, 'don't cry, don't cry' in her head for a minute before she could speak. "That would be fantastic guys!" she finally exclaimed excitedly. Buffy watched Willow visibly relax and her face light up. "I think that's a great idea. Though, if you could help me with my mom's stuff I would really appreciate it. I don't think I'd be able to take that room, so you guys could have it."

Willow suddenly waved her hands in the air "Oh, no Buffy, we couldn't take the master bedroom, we'd be like tenants, it should go to you or Dawn," she insisted. Tara nodded in agreement.

"I was going to give Dawn my room anyway. I was thinking about asking Xander to help me make the basement up into a bedroom. It would be a big help with the sunlight issue. So i would love it if you guys took my mom's old room." Buffy waited while she saw them both trying to be okay with the suggestion. Buffy had moved on to making up a mug of blood when they turned and began discussing it in hushed tones with each other. Buffy politely ignored what she knew she wasn't supposed to be able to hear. By the time she began to sip on her breakfast they had reached a decision.

"You've got yourself a deal Buffy," Willow finally agreed with a warm smile.

Tara nodded in agreement. "Just let us know when you want everything to happen and we'll be here to help. We even promise to write up a renters agreement. You know how Willow lives to keep things organized," the blonde witch teased with a sideways glance at her lover. Willow blushed.

As if the universe had timed it perfectly, at that exact moment the back door flew open and a slightly on fire and smoking blanket covered vamp came running in. He slammed the back door closed and quickly threw the blanket down, stomping the flames out. He straightened up with a nonchalant grin and leaned on the counter as if to pretend that the whole ordeal hadn't happened at all. His smile brightened even more when he saw Buffy looking at him with amusement.

"Mornin'," Spike greeted with a smile.

"What are you doing?" Buffy asked playfully as she sipped her mug.

"Just, uh, took a stroll. Found myself in your neck of the woods." He played back as the two witches looked on with interest, noteing the flirty dynamic between the two vampires.

"Couldn't find a less flammable time of day to take a stroll?" Buffy snarked as she leaned back against the counter.

"Yeah, well, the fact is, my pal Clem came by my crypt just a bit ago because he heard about a job. I asked him to keep an ear out for something that could work with our little sunlight restrictions and he told me that the twenty four hour laundry mat by the bus depot needs a night time attendant. Apparently theirs keep gettin' attacked by wild animals and drained of blood if you know what I mean. It's four nights a week from 9 pm to 5 am and they don't ask a lot of questions when they hire people. Clem gave me the phone number and said the owner is waiting on your call. Also, it falls under the 'legitimate' clause you insisted on." Spike happily informed her. He seemed proud to be able to bring the news.

Buffy became excited. "Really! Laundry mat is so much better than flipping burgers so I will not complain. It also sounds like I'll still be able to dust the occasional vamp." Buffy put her mug on the counter and practically leapt at Spike, engulfing him in an excited hug.

"Thankyouthankyouthankyou," she managed to get out as if it was one word. Then, before he could do anything except wrap his arms around her to return the hug with a cautious glance at the surprised look both witches wore, Buffy was kissing him.

Spike was only caught off guard for a moment, worried about what Willow and Tara would think before he gave in and crushed Buffy tighter to himself and melted into her kiss. He had been afraid that last night had been a one off despite what Buffy had said to the contrary and even then he was almost certain she would keep their relationship a secret for at least a while. But his girl did always love to keep people on their toes, and if the completely dumbstruck look on the others faces when they parted was anything to go by, she had succeeded on that front once again.

Willow pulled herself together first and when the two goofy grinned vamps continued to stare lovingly at each other, lost in their own little world. Willow cleared her throat loudly to get their attention. "Sooo, is there something you'd like to tell us Buffy?"

Buffy turned to face the other women, leaning back into Spike who wrapped his arms around he waist, looking away from all of them in case Buffy was about to say something that would hurt him. Buffy could almost hear his part of the childe/sire bond become muffled from his end and she realized he was bracing himself for rejection even though she had just openly kissed him in front of her friends. She internally rolled her eyes at his insecurities, she knew how to solve that issue before it became a problem. "Spike and I are dating now," she announced happily to her friends.

"What?!" "Wow." "We are?"All three of the others said at the same time.

Buffy just laughed at the outbursts. "Yes, we're dating," she glanced back at Spike as she spoke, taking quick note of his hopeful expression before turning back to Willow and Tara. Tara had a warm smile and Willow just looked confused. "It's not up for a vote either Wills. I just hope you all can be supportive. I'm tired of other people making decisions for me. So what do you say, is there going to be a problem?"

Willow bit her lip and her eyebrows dropped in thought. She glanced at Tara and saw the accepting look on her lovers face and quickly came to a decision. Putting on her resolve face she nodded her head one time determined. "No problems from us Buffy, you can't help who you fall in love with. You were there for me when Tara and I first got together so I'll totally be on board the Spuffy train," Willow proclaimed.

"Spuffy?" Spike had to ask, relieved at the support but confused by exactly what she was agreeing too.

Tara caught on to what Willow meant so she explained. "It's a mesh of your names. Like Bennifer for Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. So Spike and Buffy make Spuffy."

Spike looked horrified. "Please do not ever use that term again. It's horrifyin'. Sounds like the name of a dog some rich woman keeps stuffed in her purse."

All three women were laughing at Spikes declaration of disgust when Dawn came in through the front door, just getting home from school.

"Hey guys, what's going on in here? What did I miss?" Dawn asked as she came strolling casually into the kitchen. She took in the scene and paused, unsure of how she was supposed to act about Spike holding Buffy so intimately.

Buffy noticed Dawns hesitation. "It's okay Dawnie, I told them and they're okay with it. It's only Xander and Giles we have to worry about now, but I'm going to put my foot down and tell them to deal with it," Buffy reassured her sister. She saw Dawn relax and then decided now was as good a time as any to tell her the rest of the news. "Also, Willow and Tara are going to be moving in to help out with bills and to help with anything you might need during daylight hours. On top of that, Spike gave me a phone number to call to get a part time job!" Buffy felt her cheeks growing damp with happy tears as she relayed the good news. "Everything is finally going right for once!"

….

Later that night, a black 1968 GTX Plymouth Beldeveire Convertible drove into the Sunnydale city limits carrying one very broody, beaten up Vampire headed straight for 1630 Revello Dr.


	17. Chapter 16

Buffy had called the owner of the laundry mat after they had all settled in the living room with drinks. He had sounded like a very nice, elderly man and had told her he would love to meet her the next afternoon. She was a little bummed when he told her that he had already promised some of the extra hours he had available to his other employees, but her spirits were lifted when he told her that he could schedule her for the following week after next -he made the schedules two weeks in advance-. Buffy agreed to meet him the next day and said that she didn't mind waiting a little while before she started. After the call, they all spent some time helping Dawn with her homework. Spike was tense at first being in such a casual setting with Tara and Willow, but after Buffy put on a movie and snuggled up to him, he relaxed. It helped that Willow was looking at them both with slightly misty eyes.

The next day Buffy woke up and dressed up in what she liked to call 'interview chic', which consisted of a sleeveless, baby pink blouse with a ruffled collar, a modest dark brown pencil skirt and brown suede, low heeled boots that made her calves look amazing. She had Dawn help her with her makeup and had put her hair in a simple French twist. After that, she was ready to make the mad dash to the sewer entrance where she met up with Spike. He had agreed to show her how to get to the laundry mat from the sewers. There was an exit right behind the building that was conveniently covered in shade. For once she was glad that the Mayor had designed this town with demons in mind.

Her meeting with the owner went really well. His name was Mr. Travis and he was a short but kind looking older gentleman. They had hit off right away. He even said that she reminded him of his granddaughter who was away at collage in New York. He was a little worried about her working alone at night but she assured him that she could take care of herself. He gave her a skeptical look at first, until Buffy had taken a pencil off the table and threw it at the dartboard hanging by the arcade games and pool tables. She had hit it in the center even though it was on the other side of the laundromat. He had given her a surprised look before laughing it off and making a comment about how he shouldn't be surprised about anything that happened in Sunnydale. Buffy already liked the man.

She was excited about how things were going lately. So much so that after she met back up with Spike -who had been waiting behind the building- she pulled him in for a bone melting kiss. After several minutes of making out in the alleyway like teenagers, they finally came up for unnecessary air. Spike was wearing a goofy grin to end all goofy grins and Buffy was glowing with happiness. Spike walked Buffy back to her house but said that he couldn't stay. He had promised Clem that he would sit in for a poker game that the demon was running that night. With one last goodbye kiss he headed towards Clem's house and Buffy made a dash to her house. The sun had almost set but it was still out enough to be dangerous. Dawn met her at the door again and demanded to know how things had gone. She and Buffy spent the next four hours talking about the future and making plans for the basement.

Buffy finally realized around 8pm that Dawn hadn't had dinner yet, so she went to start some spaghetti. Dawn stayed in the living room to read a book that had been assigned by her teacher. Not even five minutes into her book, Dawn heard a knock at the door.

"I'll get it Buffy," Dawn yelled, grateful to have an excuse to put the book down. Making her way to the door she could smell the savory marinara sauce filling the house. She reached the door just as the person was knocking again. She opened the door with a huff, giving the impatient knocker the patented Summers look of irritation. She was met with the last person she wanted to see.

"Hey Dawn, is Buffy home?" Angel asked, already pulling out the kicked puppy look. He had the extra advantage of having gashes and bruises covering his face.

Dawn was having none of it though, she knew that Buffy was finally happy and Angel's appearance had the potential to ruin everything. "She's busy, can I help you?" she snapped, hostility in her voice.

Angel heard the unsaid message loud and clear but continued anyway. "I heard about what happened and I need to see her Dawn, please let me in."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Giles told you over a month ago and L.A. Is only two hours drive away. What did you do, crawl here? I would totally believe that too because it looks like someone tap danced on your face."

Angel heaved a great big sigh. "Dawn, just let me in to talk to Buffy. I had stuff I had to do before I could make it here."

Dawn was gearing up for another come back when she heard steps coming from behind her. Angel's eyes shot towards the dining room and widened in awe. Dawn realized Buffy must have come out from the kitchen. A second later her suspicions were confirmed when she felt Buffy's hand land on her shoulder.

"Dawn, it's fine. Why don't you go watch the noodles for me to make sure they don't overlook and turn to mush again, please? I'll step outside and talk to Angel," Buffy casually instructed Dawn.

The teenager narrowed her eyes slightly at Angel before stomping away. She paused just before she was out of ear shot though, and turned around with a sly grin. "Buffy, should I take out a plate for Spike too? You know how he loves spaghetti," Dawn asked, knowing she was just antagonizing Angel.

It was Buffy's turn to roll her eyes at Dawn's behavior. "No, he's playing poker tonight. He'll probably crash at his friends house because he'll be too drunk to make it home before sunrise." Buffy purposely left out who's place he was at because she didn't want Angel to get any ideas about seeking him out. She watched Dawn give Angel a smug grin before she turned and left them alone. Buffy turned back to see Angel gazing at her in a way that used to make her swoon. Now she just found it annoying. Dawn had made a point when she asked him why he took so long to come here. He claimed to love her but Buffy noticed his actions hadn't matched his words in years. "Why don't I come outside so we can talk without Dawn eaves dropping?"

Angel took a step back for Buffy to come outside and she closed the door behind her. As soon as she turned around she found herself engulfed in a hug. "I'm so sorry Buffy, I should have staked Spike when he showed up looking for the ring. I'll make sure I get him this time. I don't know what kind of hold he has over all of you, but if he managed to turn you then I'll make him pay," Angel growled.

Buffy pushed Angel back angrily and watched him stumble and catch himself on the railing, surprise written on his face. "I don't know what version of things you heard but Spike is innocent in all this and he's been helping us for a long time," Buffy hissed at him.

Angel looked confused as he righted himself. "He turned you! How can you say he's innocent," he demanded.

"Because he was used to turn me Angel, he didn't actually get a say. A hell god killed me and knocked Spike out, but Dawn used his blood to turn me after I had already bled out. He was unconscious the whole time so how about you get your facts straight. Also, before you take that idea any further, if you hurt him at all, I will not hesitate to kick your ass," she threatened.

Angel held his hands up in surrender. "Okay, I get. Spike's off limits. This is not going how I thought it would," he admitted nervously.

Buffy relaxed as she watched Angel stuff his hands into his pockets and pull his jacket shut, almost like he was closing himself off. "Well, if you had called and talked to me first, then maybe it would be going better. I'm flattered you were worried, but we have separate lives now Angel. We need to move on." Buffy watched as Angel became visibly dejected.

"You're right, that is what I've always said." He took a step closer to her but Buffy held her ground. He sighed. "I just wanted you to be able to have a normal life. To find someone who could give you the life in the sun and children like you deserve. You don't deserve this kind of life," he told her with eyes full of sadness.

Buffy sighed, relieved that Angel wasn't a threat anymore. She looked at him softly as an old friend. "I know you think that Angel, but it's definitely not a possibility anymore. But believe it or not everything is turning out, OW!" Buffy cried out as a sharp pain shot up her left arm. She quickly looked down where she saw a medical syringe full of some green glowing liquid sticking out of her arm. She watched in horror as Angel pushed the plunger down and emptied it into her body. She slowly looked up at Angel in betrayal. "What? What did you do Angel?" she whispered, horror struck. A moment later she gasped and doubled over in sudden pain. She felt her blood heating up and it burned through her like fire. When the feeling reached her heart she felt it give a deafening thud before it started to beat once more. As soon as her heart started back up, she could feel the death of her demon and with it, the link she had connecting her to Spike snapped like an old guitar string. She screamed.

Angel watched all of this with a firm resolve, his face a mask of stoney acceptance. "I had to save you. It took me a month to get ahold of this. I had to call in every contact I had and it almost all went south at the last minute when they caught me. I won that fight though, and came straight here. This is the only cure, Buffy. The only way to save you: Mohra demon blood. Their veins run with the blood of eternity." He gave her a small smile, waiting for her to throw her arms around him in gratitude. Instead, when Buffy straightened up she had murder in her eyes.

She lunged at him and wrapped her hands around his throat. "You bastard! How dare you do this to me! I never asked for your help!" she screamed at the top of her lungs as she tried to lift him up off the ground. She used all of her strength but she was barley able to budge Angel.

Startled, Buffy released him abruptly and backed up towards the front door to stare wide-eyed at her hands just as Dawn threw open the door holding a crossbow and looking for danger. Dawn was ignored as Buffy and Angel were still too caught up in Buffy's anger. "I-I'm human," Buffy whispered, sounding horrified. Dawn gasped in surprise bringing her hand up to cover her mouth as she stared at her sister's back.

Angel rubbed his throat where Buffy had grabbed him as he looked at her confused and hurt. "That was the point, the blood brings the body back to life and in the process, kills the demon. I thought you'd be happy," he stated still trying to puzzle out her unexpected reaction.

Buffy brought her hands up to her ears as she stared blankly at the wooden porch deck. Her hands kept patting her ears as if trying to clear water out of them. The two onlookers watched Buffy intently for any clue as to what was going on with her. She moved her hands from her ears to her eyes, rubbing them as she whispered, 'no, no, no,' the entire time.

Angel made to take a step towards her to try to comfort her. He could hear her heart trying to beat out of her chest and the smell of fear and anger rolled off of her in waves. "Buffy," he said in a soothing voice as he reached toward her.

As if her name had snapped her out of it, Buffy stood up straight once more. "NO!" she smacked his hand away before hunching over again with her hands wrapped around her rolling stomach. "Don't you get it Angel, I'm human. You made me HUMAN! Not a Slayer. A plain old, weak human. I would rather be a vamp! It's just like my 18th birthday all over again, except it's not going to go away this time, is it Angel!?" She yelled at him as she backed up to the doorway. Dawn stepped aside for her sister with a look of despair on her own face.

"But Buffy, I didn't mean for that to happen. I thought…" he began to try to apologize.

Buffy cut him off. "Well you thought wrong!" she screeched in outrage as she clutched her stomach tighter and bent forward in pain. "Oh god," Buffy moaned as her stomach clenched, seconds before she began to empty its contents.

Dawn looked on in fear as she watched her sister puke blood all over the front porch. She saw Angel jump back out of the way as Buffy took in a deep breath and heaved again. At first Dawn was worried Buffy was dying, but then she realized that if she had become human then she was probably getting rid of all the blood she had drank that was sitting in her stomach.

Angel looked worried but Buffy was past caring. "Go Angel. Fucking go. If I ever," Buffy paused to heave some more, still bent over as she reached out to grab hold of the doorway to steady herself. "If I ever even HEAR about you setting foot in my town again I will be spitting in your dust. You are dead to me."

Angel looked shocked to the core, his jaw moving in mock speech, unable to get any actual words out as he stared at Buffy while she glared at him between bouts of heaving.

Buffy noticed that Angel wasn't moving at all so she took in a deep breath before reaching back as quickly as she was able too and took the crossbow out of Dawns hands. Buffy pointed it directly at Angel. "LEAVE!" She screamed as she pulled the trigger and sent a bolt directly into Angel's shoulder. She heard Dawn gasp again as Angel fell to the ground, gripping the arrow sticking out of his body. Buffy dropped the crossbow as Angel jumped up and ran down the walk way before jumping in his car and driving away into the night.

Dawn watched Angel drive away with squealing tires. The moment he turned the corner Buffy collapsed onto the deck and Dawn rushed forward and wrapped her arms around her now weeping sister. "Let's get you inside and cleaned up okay?" Dawn shakily suggested as she helped Buffy stand up. Dawn heard Buffy whisper through her tears, 'so empty, I'm so empty now" over and over again. Dawn vowed that as soon as he she got Buffy cleaned up that she was going to call everyone.

…

Across town in Clem's smoke filled apartment, five demons sat around a poker table in a small kitchen. Clem had just dealt a new hand when he, along with everyone else, noticed Spike sit up, rigidly straight before going eerily still, as if every muscle in his body was frozen.

Spike's eyes widened to the size of saucers as he let out a low whining sound before whispering, "Buffy." He immediately sprang up, almost too fast for the other demons to see before he raced out the door and into the night.


	18. Chapter 17

Spike hadn't run this fast in his entire life. He took every alley, cut through every yard and bolted across any street -no matter the traffic- just to make it to the Summers household as quickly as possible. When he finally made it to Revello Dr., he came to a dead stop at the scene he saw on the front porch. There was blood everywhere. Spike took in a lung full of air and was relieved to note that it was just old pigs blood. It smelled strangely like it had been spiced with burba weed like he and Buffy liked to drink. As he got closer to the door, he also picked up another scent hidden underneath the pigs blood: Angel. Spike's demon came forward and he growled at the unwelcome scent of his sire in the air. Spike proceeded to stomp through the mess as he flung the front door open. His body was tense and he was braced for a fight as he stalked inside and took another deep breath. He didn't smell Angel in here but he scented pig's blood still, and that's when he noticed the small trail of it leading up the stairs. He didn't get a chance to worry about it for long because at that moment a distressed Dawn ran down the stairs and launched herself at him. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed with all her strength.

Dawn was shaking. It was as if she was crying but he didn't see any tears on her face. She looked up Spike's gameface and the predatory look in his eyes and realized what must have brought him hear. "She's upstairs. Angel did something to her. I don't know what it was, but, she's not dead."

Relived beyond belief, Spike relaxed, but only a little because he still had one more question to ask. "Where is that bastard anyway?"

"Buffy shot him in the shoulder with a crossbow and told him to leave, and that if she ever even heard about him coming to town again that she would be spitting in his dust. Then she said he was dead to her and he ran away with his tail between his legs. Wanker," Dawn stated, using one of Spikes usual insults.

Spike dropped his gameface to look around, searching for any sign of Buffy. "Where did you say she was niblet? I can't feel her anymore and I need to see her," he demanded to know.

Dawn released him slowly and backed up before pointing upstairs. "I got her cleaned up and she's sitting on her bed now. I think she needs you. I was so happy when I realized it was you that was busting in here. I was almost afraid it was Angel for a second, but then I remembered that Mom had Giles revoke his invite when Buffy had went off to college. Mom never trusted him."

"Joyce was always sharp. Why don't you stay down here for a bit while I see what's up with big sis, okay?" Spike instructed as he started up the stairs. He got to the bottom step when he felt his sleeve catch. He looked down to see that Dawn had grabbed his duster and was looking at him with a face full of worry.

"Spike, she's really messed up. She let me help her to the bathroom but after that she wouldn't let me touch her. She kept mumbling about being empty and I think she's," Dawn gulped, afraid to say it because she wasn't sure how Spike would react.

Spike picked up on her hesitation. "I got it bit, just stay down here for a while, okay?" Dawn released his sleeve and he made his way upstairs to Buffy's bedroom door. It was cracked and Spike paused briefly to calm his nerves before he slowly pushed it open and walked inside the comforting green striped room.

Buffy was sitting in the middle of her bed wrapped in a bath towel. Her arms were banded around her legs that she had pulled up to her chest. Her face was burrowed against her knees, her wet hair clinging to her shoulders. When Spike took another step towards her, she slowly looked up to lock eyes with the worried vampire. Time seemed to stand still while they took stock of one another but it started back up again when Buffy suddenly held her arms out to him. Spike was across the room in a second. He scooped her up into his lap while he situated them on the bed so he could wrap his arms around the unusually timid woman. He surrounded her completely, engulfing her in his arms as if to hide her from the rest of the world. She wrapped her arms around his chest and pressed her face into his shoulder to get as close as she possibly could. It was as if she was trying to disappear into him.

It was a few seconds before Spike was able to get over the fact that she seemed to be okay before he noticed what was wrong. His eyes grew to an almost impossible size as he took in her unmistakable body heat and the feeling of her heart pounding against him where their chests were pressed together. Before he could comment, Buffy began to sob uncontrollably on his shoulder. "Shhh kitten, Spike's here. We'll figure this out," he choked out as he rubbed her back and rocked her back and forth, trying to calm her down. He was confused because she was reacting as if this was a bad thing and as far as he knew, becoming human again was something she had wanted. There must have been something else going on, but he figured now was not the time for questions.

It took some time for Buffy to calm down. Spike couldn't see a clock from where he sat, but he assumed that it must have taken at least an hour for her to stop crying. When she leaned back just enough to see his face, she took a deep, shuddering breath and then swallowed the lump in her throat before everything just came tumbling out. "He made me human Spike. Angel came and stuck me with a needle full of some sort of demon blood and it made me human. He didn't even ask. He just slammed it into my arm when I dropped my guard and then the next thing I know, everything hurt and my heart started beating again. I felt the little piece of me that was connected to you die," she started to choke up again but swallowed it down. "I felt the demon die and it left this giant empty space inside of me that ached so badly. It still hurts," Buffy whined in her throat before continuing. "I think it's the space that Anya said my soul was missing from. The space that my Slayer persona used to be before I was turned, the place my demon was. But now, it's just empty. I feel so weak and vulnerable. My sight is terrible and I can barley hear or smell anything anymore. It's almost like I'm stuck under water. Everything that got enhanced when I was called as the Slayer is gone now. eaten up by the emptiness that vacancy created. I don't know if I would ever have noticed it if I hadn't been a Slayer or a vampire but I feel it's emptiness now and it's horrible and lonely. I used to be able to sort of hear you all the time and your gone too," Buffy began to cry again but this time the tears just silently ran down her cheeks.

Spike was speechless for the longest time as they just sat there. He held Buffy tightly to his chest. He was going to kill Angel. He was going to find him and set him on fire for what he did to his girl. Buffy didn't deserve something like this. She was hurting and Spike didn't know how to help her. He refused to make any decisions for her. She would have to tell him what she needed and he was willing to wait. The first thing that came to his mind was to try and turn her again, but he immediately dismissed that idea because not only would the chip go off, but he wasn't entirely sure what Angel had injected her with. There could be side effects if he tried to turn her again.

Spike looked up sometime later when he heard a small knock against the doorframe. Dawn was standing there looking worried. Spike gave her a small smile and a nod to let her know he had things handled. "I got her, why don't you go eat some of that spaghetti I smelled when I came in and go get some sleep. I can hear your stomach rumblin' from here," he suggested. Dawn gave him a tentative smile, relived that Spike was here, and went to do as he suggested, leaving the two of them alone once more.

Sometime during the night they both fell asleep in each other's arms. Spike was the first one to wake up the next morning. He just laid in bed holding the woman he loved, knowing that no matter how peaceful she looked right now that she was going to wake up in pain. The urge to track Angel down was a powerful thing but his top priority was to take care of his girl. He heard Dawn's alarm go off not to long after he had woken up and he heard her as she got up and began to move around.

A few minutes later Dawn poked her head into the room. She saw Spike and Buffy lying in bed, and when Spike looked up at her, he put his finger over his mouth in the universal sign for 'quiet'. Dawn nodded once and Spike watched as she mimed walking with her fingers and then acted like she was wearing a backpack. Spike guessed that she was asking if she should go to school, but he shook his head no, signaling that it was okay for her to stay home. She looked relieved and he listened as she made her way downstairs and began to shuffle around the kitchen and make herself breakfast.

Buffy woke up to the smell of toaster waffles and the feel of Spike's arms wrapped around her. The side of her that was lying against the mattress was itchy from sleeping in a damp towel all night and her throat was sore from crying so much. She still felt the hollow, aching emptiness inside of her but she had had time to pull herself together. Even though she felt like the rug had been ripped out from under her yet again, she decided that she wasn't going to shut herself down. She needed to get up and talk to Giles before he left for England today. He may know why she was human now instead of a Slayer. Unlike the last time she had died and come back. When she had drowned because of the Master she had still kept her slaying abilities when she had been brought back. Maybe Giles would know how to get back what she'd lost and be able to fill this deep hole she had inside.

She wiggled around a little to try and alleviate the itch. Spike loosened his hold when he realized she was awake and sat up so he could get a good look at her. Buffy glanced up at him before she sat up and scooted back against the headboard. Spike did the same.

"How are you this morning, kitten?" Spike asked cautiously. He let her take the lead last night but he was anxious to help today. He was determined to get her to talk to him again. He was afraid she'd clam up and keep it to herself if he didn't push.

Buffy sighed. "I'm coping. But I'm not okay. What I said last night hasn't changed with sleep unfortunately. It's worse than my Cruciamentum," she admitted.

Spike narrowed his eyes. "You're tellin' me your Watcher actually put you through that?" he demanded to know. He instantly lost some respect for her Watcher.

Buffy gave Spike a sideways look. "There were extenuating circumstances and even though I'm not saying he made the right choice, he eventually came around, but it was already too late. That's what got him fired by the way. I've forgiven him for it though, so let's point our much deserved anger in the direction it belongs: at Angel. Promise me that if he ever sets foot back in town you'll gather his dust for me. I made him a promise that I intend to keep," Buffy practically growled.

Spike chuckled. "It'll be my pleasure. Dawn told me somethin' about that promise and I'd be more than happy to help you keep it." He watched as Buffy scooted off the bed and headed for her closet. "So what do you want to do now? I know you're not happy about this at all, the opposite of that if I'm not mistaken, so am I right in assumin' we have a Scooby meeting to hold?"

Buffy paused as she opened her closet, contemplating his words while she decided what to wear. She answered his question with a quick and monotone "Yep," as she reached into her closet and pulled out a simple knee length sunflower print, wrap around dress. She wasn't in the mood to do anything complicated with her wardrobe today, so a dress and sandals was the best she could manage. She was about to unwrap her towel when she heard Spike clear his throat.

"Would you like me to give you a few minutes to get ready, luv?" he asked from his position on the bed with a sly smirk on his face.

Buffy scrunched up her nose in distaste at the thought of him leaving, she wasn't ready to be left alone. "No, please, just don't be a pig about it Spike. I don't have the energy to deal with that right now, okay?"

Spike blinked in surprise, he hadn't expected that. She had her usual attitude but her fire had dimmed. He was saddened to see her in such a mood but kept his face playful to hopefully hide his dismay. "No promises kitten. I'll just turn and look at your very tasteful boy band posters while you get your pretty little dress on, okay?"

Buffy watched as he threw his legs over the side of the bed to turn his back to her. She watched him as he stared at the wall for just a moment before she pulled herself back together and quickly changed out of her towel and into the dress. She was going to skip the bra today. After getting on a pair of panties she told Spike he could turn back around. He stood up and walked over to her as she stared into her closet trying to remember if the right sandals were in there or if they were stuffed in a box under her bed.

"Bleedin' hell Buffy, do you think you have enough shoes!" Spike exclaimed as he noted the piles and boxes stored in her closet.

She shrugged. "No such thing, I have more under my bed by the way." Buffy could have sworn she saw Spike's eyes widen. She giggled and he gave her a sideways smile. She could always count on him to try and lift her mood. She took another long look and located the correct shoes then turned to get her hair brush off her vanity and froze. She was staring at herself. For the first time in over a month she was able to see her reflection again. It was distorted and cracked because of the fit she'd had when she'd first woken up as a vampire, but it was there none the less. She took a shuddering breath before she retrieved her brush and her makeup bag and turned to Spike. He was looking at her sympathetically. She held all the vanity items out to him, and without a word he motioned for her to sit on the bed.

She saw him in that moment as he looked at her and knew that he just wanted to take care of her. This was her way of letting him. He silently brushed out her hair and then put it up in a high ponytail. Buffy relaxed and had allowed herself to enjoy the feeling of him running the brush through her hair.

Spike marveled at how far they had come. He felt blessed and he was afraid what this new transformation she had gone through meant for them. He still loved her no matter what she was: Slayer, vampire, or human. He was just worried about how she was going to view things now. He wanted so badly to tell her that he loved her, but he held back for fear that it would push her away.

He handed her the makeup bag but she just gave it back. "You told me that you used to do Drusilla's make up, right?" she asked. He nodded his head 'yes', slowly. "Would you mind doing mine? I just…" she paused and looked back at her broken mirror. "I just can't right now. Please?"

Spike followed her line of sight and understood. She was trying to avoid dealing with all of these changes at once. Carefully he applied her makeup, making sure to pay attention and not go overboard. After finishing up and putting all her supplies back in the bag, he knelt in front of her and took her by the hands. "Do you want me to call Rupes and have everyone meet us at the Magic Box while you go down and get somethin' to eat. I told Dawn she could stay home from school so she's probably downstairs waiting for news. Niblet's real worried about you right now."

Buffy took her hand and cupped Spike's cheek, looking him straight in the eye and forcing a grateful smile. "That would be good, thanks. And Spike," she paused so that she could lean forward and capture his lips in a kiss. She poured her feelings into a gentle kiss, trying to tell him without words how thankful she was for him and how much she needed and cared for him. Buffy leaned back and averted her eyes "As far as I'm concerned nothing has changed between us. But I'll understand if you don't want to be with a human."

More quickly than Buffy could process at first, Spike leaned forward and recaptured her lips in a searing kiss. Buffy felt like he was trying to devour her as his kiss demanded that she feel his love. When he broke the kiss, he met her gaze directly and grabbed both sides of her head to make sure she couldn't look away. "I love you. I love you no matter what you are, so don't go gettin' any silly ideas in that head of yours. I will stand beside you for as long as you'll have me. It's not going to be that easy to get rid of me. Think I've already proven that point," he told her as his eyes refused to leave hers. He needed her to understand. He watched her gaze burn brighter and saw a small smile tug at her lips. "That's my girl. Now go," he stood up then took her hand to help her up also. "I'll make the call and you go get those tummy rumbles taken care of."

She gave him one more peck on the lips before she walked out of the room. Spike watched her go then went directly to the phone to dial the Watcher. It rang several times before a groggy Giles picked up.

"Hello?" Giles answered, slightly muddled.

"Watcher, something happened and we need to have a meetin' before you hop on that plane today. Can you get everyone at the shop in two hours? I know your flights not till three, Buffy told me yesterday, so don't try to make any excuses," Spike demanded of the groggy sounding man.

"Spike? What's going on? Is Buffy alright?" Giles asked.

Spike was in no mood to beat around the bush. "Buffy is nowhere near alright. I got her downstairs right now getting something to eat at least, but Angel showed his damn face last night and injected Buffy with somethin'. She's human again. Completely one hundred percent human and she's not takin' the feelin' very well. By the way, I think me and you need to have a little chat about a certain Slayers eighteenth birthday," Spike added in that last bit, partly to let the Watcher know he wasn't happy about it and to make him aware that Buffy was going through a similar situation once again. Spike could hear the Watcher cleaning his glasses.

"Dear lord, I will make the appropriate phone calls and have everyone in the shop by ten," Giles paused before continuing. "If I may ask though, why are you calling me and not Buffy? Why are you at Buffy's house so early in the morning?"

Spike just hung up the phone.


	19. Chapter 18

When it was time for them to head to the Magic Box, Spike assumed that Buffy would want to walk there and enjoy the sunlight. So he was surprised when he saw her make a run for the sewers. He looked at Dawn to see what she thought from beneath his blanket but she just looked sad as she watched Buffy jump into the into the manhole. All three of them ended up walking underground to the Magic Box and came out in the basement just a few minutes after ten. They could hear the rest of the group already waiting for them upstairs. Spike watched as Buffy paused at the bottom of the stairs and gathered her strength before she continued up the steps. Supernatural powers or not, the Summers women were fierce.

The murmuring stopped when the three of them came up through the basement door. Giles was behind the counter reading a book while Anya dusted shelves. Willow and Tara were sitting at the table across from Xander. The latter had clearly stopped for donuts, as there was a box in the middle of the table and he was munching on a bear claw and getting crumbs everywhere.

"Hey Dawnie, hey Buffster, why the sudden emergency meeting? Do we have a new big bad?" Xander asked, clearly ignoring Spike.

Spike, for his part, just sauntered over to the table and plucked out a jelly donut, giving Xander a look, daring him to say anything as he walked over to the front counter and leaned back on it, making a show of enjoying his treat.

Buffy just rolled her eyes at their posturing. "I just wanted to let all of you know that if any of you come across Angel that I give you permission to dust him, his 'get out of jail free' card has been revoked," she informed everyone with a mater of fact tone.

Absolute silence fell over the group before Willow spoke up. "Do we need to get the A.E.K and pop his soul back in?"

Buffy shook her head 'no'. "He still has his soul but he paid me a visit last night and stuck a needle in my arm. It did something to me and now I'm human."

Everyone aside from Spike, Dawn, and Giles gasped and began asking questions. As the chatter got louder Spike began to lose his patience. "Oi! Calm down so she can finish talkin'," Spike shouted over the noise.

"What are you even doing here, bleach boy?" Xander sneered.

Spike opened his mouth to shoot back a smartass reply, but Buffy cut him off. "Xander, Spike's my boyfriend. We're dating. He loves me and I'm more than halfway to being able to say it back to him, so unless you want to be banned from my house, then I suggest you drop the subject because you don't get to make my choices for me. I may listen to your advice as a friend but that's as far as it goes. I have the final say, period. I am sick and tired of people making decisions for me without my consent. Taking away someone's choice is wrong Xander, do you like it when your choices are taken away?" Buffy stared her guy friend down as everyone watched the two of them, surprised by her unexpected outburst.

Xander's appeared thoroughly chastised as he looked away and stared at the table top. "Of course not, Buffy, you know I don't," he said quietly.

Everyone else in the Magic Box looked back to Buffy and noticed her relax. The room seemed to relax along with her. Buffy spent the next several minutes retelling the events of the previous night, making sure everyone was aware of the fact that she wasn't happy with her weakened state. She noticed that the only ones who seemed genuinely upset about her current predicament were Spike, Dawn, and Anya. The others were trying to look sad, but they mostly looked relieved. They didn't seem to understand why she was upset, but at least they seemed to be trying.

"Losing all that power and having that big hole left where your soul used to be is terrible, Buffy, I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. You seem to be doing better than I did though. At least you didn't summon vampire Willow from an alternate timeline," Anya stated sympathetically.

Xander's head slowly turned to look at his girlfriend and secret fiancé. "Anya, are you saying you don't have a soul?" he asked cautiously.

Anya suddenly looked very nervous, as if she hadn't realized what she had just said. Buffy noticed and decided that since she had already put her foot down for herself, that it wouldn't hurt to help out the former vengeance demon.

"Anya never said that she had one in the first place, Xander. Does it really matter whether she does or doesn't, would it make you love her any less? I don't have a soul, and to be honest, Dawn may not have one either. That just leaves you, Willow, Tara, and Giles in the soul club. That's half of us," Buffy pointed out. Everyone turned to stare at Xander again as they awaited his answer.

He looked around, panicked from all of the attention. After a tense minute he threw his hands up in the air in clear defeat. "Okay, fine! You win. I'll admit that a soul isn't necessary to be good, it's just helpful." He crossed his arms and slumped back into the chair with a scowl. "And of course I love her, I always just assumed that she had one. I never really noticed that she didn't. Can we talk about something else now please," He mumbled, feeling attacked.

The silence that followed was broken as Giles cleared his throat. "Now that we all seem to be caught up, I suggest we research more about this Mohra demon before I head back to England. I plan to spend my time there researching vampires that may have reverted back to a human state. I might even be able to scrounge up a prophecy or two that can shed some light on Buffy's current predicament." Giles decree was followed by a deep sigh from almost everyone in the room as they realized they were going to be spending the rest of the day researching

As everyone else grabbed a book and a seat, Anya walked over to Buffy and motioned for her to follow. Anya led her into the office, and Spike followed them with his eyes. His stare collided with Buffy's, and he raised an eyebrow in question. Buffy just shrugged her shoulders as she followed Anya. Once in the office, Anya closed the door behind them before she turned to face Buffy, tears starting to track down her cheeks. Buffy immediately took a step forward and folded her in a hug.

"Thank you, Buffy. I've been so afraid to bring up the soul thing. I assume that Xander would have left me if you hadn't put him on the spot like that. I love him so much but sometimes he's just to close minded. I owe you big time," Anya sniffled into Buffy's shoulder. A few minutes later, Anya stepped back, having pulled herself back together. "How about I take you out to lunch tomorrow? I know a nice little restaurant that has the best desert."

Buffy smiled, actually feeling pretty good about having helped out. She and Anya weren't really close, but she didn't see why that should always be the case. If anyone would understand what Buffy was going through, it was Anya. "Sure, that's sounds great. What time should I meet you?" she asked.

"You can meet me here around noon, Tara was going to watch the shop for me so I could have lunch with a friend visiting from out of town, and I just know that the two of you will have a lot to talk about. She works with kids and is just visiting for the day, passing through to her next job," Anya filled in.

Buffy smiled. "That sounds great, Anya, I'll be here. Are you okay to head back out?"

Anya nodded 'yes' and they both headed out to main room again. Buffy took the seat between Spike and Dawn, leaning her head on his arm for a moment before sitting up and grabbing a book.

…

Giles left for the airport a few hours later. Everyone wished him safe travels and promised him that they'd call. By the end of the day, the rest of the Scoobie's had actually made a little progress. They had found the demon and confirmed what Angel had told Buffy, but there was still no mention of a Mohra's demon blood ever being used to de-vamp anyone before. Buffy was worried they would find out that the blood would have extra side effects, like making her immune to being turned again. She would rather get her Slayer powers back, but if that fell through, she secretly planned on begging Spike to turn her again. She knew her friends would try to talk her out of it, and they would probably blame Spike if he agreed to do it.

When it was time to go home later that night, Buffy asked Spike to stay. Dawn rolled her eyes when Spike gave the youngest Summers a questioning look as if to double check it was fine with her.

"Just keep it down, okay? I have school tomorrow and need some sleep," Dawn said with a roll of her eyes.

Buffy blushed the entire way home. Buffy took Spike to bed after using up all of the hot water in the shower to try and get herself to relax, she really needed to sleep. When Buffy climbed into bed, Spike held her like he had the past few nights, and he drifted off sometime around three in the morning. Buffy wasn't so lucky. She was still emotionally raw from having a piece of herself ripped away. She just wanted to scream and cry but she knew that it wouldn't help anything and that it would just make everyone hover over her, so she kept it to herself. She could feel the anger building though, even without a demon to fuel her ire. She knew sooner or later that she was was going to explode but she was so tired of crying.

Lunch time rolled around the next day and Buffy reluctantly left the house to go meet Anya and her friend for lunch. Spike had watched her mope around the house all morning looking lost. Spike felt helpless and the whole situation was killing him. He didn't know what he could do to make it better. He had half expected Buffy to ask him to turn her again, and to be honest, he was dreading that conversation. He knew he would give in to her and do as she wished, but it would kill him to do that to her. Just the idea of hurting her made him ill, much less the idea of basically killing her. He kept having flashbacks of his mother and how that had turned out. Logically he knew Buffy had already been a vampire and she would most likely go back to how she was, but he couldn't shake the fear of Buffy rising as someone different, someone who didn't want him around. When he had just gotten her in he first place. Even If he had been conscious after that fight with Glory, he wasn't positive that he would have turned her. He would have been too afraid of what she would have been like after rising.

Later that afternoon, Spike was sitting on the couch and flipping through the T.V channels. He had just settled on some show called _Home_ _Improvement_ , when he heard Dawn come in the back door. He heard her drag her feet in and throw her book bag by the stairs before she came to sit with him on the couch. "Hey niblet, how was school?" he asked.

Dawn slumped into the cushions with a scowl. "We had a pop quiz today over something we covered yesterday, so of course I was totally lost. Angel is such a wanker and I totally blame him."

Spike couldn't help but laugh. "Look, Dawn, you may not want to say stuff like that around your big sis. She may think I'm a bad influence and kick me to the curb." His words were delivered with a light hearted tone, but Dawn knew since he used her actual name that he was serious.

"Sheeyah, like she'd ever do that. She's totally in love with you. The only way that you're ever going to get rid of Buffy is if you leave. Just like all of her other boyfriends did," Dawn paused to look at Spike with a serious expression. His eyes were wide and he seemed to be frozen. "You won't do that though, will you? I don't think she could take another person she loves leaving her. Please promise you won't leave us, no matter what." Dawn turned on the puppy dog eyes to play it up, but it wasn't necessary.

"Won't leave, you'd have to dust me first. I love you and your big sis, and I take care of the people I love. So you can turn off those sad eyes of yours because that's not a promise you have to talk me into makin', I'd make that promise in a heartbeat," he proclaimed.

Dawn snorted in amusement. "You don't have a heartbeat."

"It's an expression, you know what I mean," Spike rolled his eyes at her snark before he turned back to the show and got comfortable again as they both waited for Buffy to get home. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Spike couldn't help but ask the question that had been bugging him for the past few minutes. "So…do you really think Buffy loves me?"

Dawn's head snapped up from the T.V. to look at Spike hopeful expression. "Duh, do you think she cries in front of just anyone? I mean, seriously, I can count on one hand the amount of people she lets her guard down around. And here's a hint, Riley and Angel never made the list." Dawn turned her attention back to the show and left a dumbstruck Spike staring at the side of her head.

A few minutes later, after he was able to shake himself out of the stupor Dawn's words had put him in. He felt a smug grin lift his 's how Buffy found them when she came home from lunch with Anya. She opened the door slowly so she wouldn't let in too much sunlight while she slipped inside. She dropped her purse on the dining room table and turned to walk into the living room. She was startled to noticed the smirking vampire. She jumped, still trying to adjust to the fact that she couldn't sense vampires anymore. If he noticed her surprise, he ignored it so he wouldn't embarrass her.

"Did you have a nice lunch with the girls, kitten?" Spike asked as she walked over to wrap her arms around his waist in a warm hug. He returned the hug, burying his nose in her hair to surround himself in her scent. He could tell she was doing the same as she burrowed into his chest. He knew the loss of her enhanced sense of smell was weighing on her, but didn't comment on it, he just reveled in the tender moment.

After a few moments, Buffy finally pulled back to answer his question. "It was nice, but I wouldn't call it a typical 'girls day'. Anya is my friend, but it was a little awkward meeting Hallie, that's her friend by the way, the one she wanted to introduce me to, and yeah, I'm babbling. Nice. It was nice." Buffy paused and Spike looked at her fondly.

"I'm glad you had fun. New girl was pleasant, yeah?" he asked, trying to keep her talking so she wouldn't slip back into the mood she'd been in earlier that morning.

"Yeah, she was nice, we basically spent the whole lunch slamming our ex's or men in general. So definitely not a guy friendly lunch hour. I think Anya was trying to let me vent about Angel to feel better," Buffy relayed. She was keeping it abbreviated because she figured Spike wouldn't be to interested. The girl talk had actually helped her feel a little better but she was beginning to think the empty place inside of her was going to hurt for a long time. She pondered this when she realized Spike was oddly silent. She met his eyes and took note of the slightly puzzled look he was shooting at her. "What, do I have something on my face?"

Spike blinked, then said slowly, "Buffy, how long did Anya say this bird and her had been friends?"

"She just said they were old friends, why?" she asked. Spike stayed silent and gave her a pointed look as if waiting for her to realize something. It took her a moment, but the bulb finally clicked. "OH!" Buffy's hand went up to her mouth and her eyes grew impossibly wide. "You don't think Hallie was a vengeance demon, do you?" Buffy's whispered.

"It's a definite possibility, luv. Did you make any wishes?" he asked, half afraid of her answer. Buffy screwed her eyebrows together and thought back on her lunch date. Spike could almost hear her wheels turning. After a few silent and tense moments, Spike felt a chill go up his spine when Buffy's eyes narrowed and her hand dropped to reveal a sly, malevolent grin. She laughed low in her throat and Spike saw the devil in her eyes.

"OH! Oh my god I really hope Hallie is a vengeance demon," Buffy hissed.

Spike watched as Buffy continued to laugh. Unable to wait any longer, he had to ask. "What exactly did you…" Spike stopped talking as he suddenly felt another familial connection snap. Buffy was still grinning like an idiot as he searched for the connection that he normally ignored, but Angel's connection was just gone. "Did you wish peaches dust?" he asked, halfway hopeful.

The only way to describe the laugh Buffy let slip was maniacal. "Nope," she said, popping the p as a smile threatened to split her face. "I wished he had to suffer like he made me suffer. I wished he would get stuck as a weak human with the same ache I feel, except he has to keep that tortured soul of his."

"So you wished that Angel would get turned into a human, a powerless one, but that he'd keep that soul of his?" Spike joined in Buffy's laughter, "That's bloody brilliant. To turn somethin' he wants into a curse. Are you sure you wished that he would be stuck as a human and stuck with a soul? I could see him gettin' himself vamped again just to play the brooding superhero type again."

Buffy nodded her head 'yes'. "Hallie actually asked me to clarify what I wanted for Angel and I was so dense that I missed what she was doing. I guess that means he's going through the same thing I am. Weak and hurting because the demon is gone but still stuck with all the gypsy guilt!" she exclaimed, becoming more excited as she and Spike egged each other on.

The hysterical laughter grabbed the attention of the other occupant of the house, Dawn came to investigate. She found Spike and Buffy in the dining room, laughing so hard that they were both doubled over. "What's so funny?" she asked, confused. The duo paused to catch a breath as they both looked at her, mirth clearly written across their faces. When they took note of the utterly puzzled look on Dawn's face, they both broke down again. Dawn huffed, annoyed at being left out. "What did I miss?!"


	20. Chapter 19

The good mood Buffy had from her vengeance wish didn't last very long. By the end of the night she was somber again and both Spike and Dawn could tell that her smile was forced. When the next morning rolled around, Spike couldn't help but notice the dark circles under her eyes and the chalky pallor of her skin. He realized that Buffy had experienced yet another sleepless night. She made sure Dawn made it off to school in time and that's when Buffy asked Spike if he would help her pack up her mothers room. She was still planning on letting Willow and Tara move in to help pay bills and they were apparently going to start moving in their things tomorrow.

Spike and Buffy spent the entire afternoon packing up all of her mother's personal items from the master bedroom and moved them down to the basement. Buffy was nowhere near ready to throw anything out so it was all sorted and stored. Around noon, Buffy got a phone call from Giles.

"Hey, Giles, how was your flight?" Buffy asked as she watched Spike pass by her in the kitchen with another box. She really missed her super strength.

"It went well, thank you." He paused and silence filled the line. "Buffy, I have news about your Slayer abilities."

Buffy perked up, hope flaring in her chest. "What did you find?" she asked anxiously.

"Well, I was able to find a reference to a Slayer who died in the 1600's. Her lover used dark magic to resurrect her. It was successful, but she came back human, powerless. Her former Watcher was curious about this process and researched it himself and found that since the next Slayer had already been called that she could only get her powers back by stealing them back from her successor." Giles sounded as if he was worried about her reaction.

"But Faith was already called as a Slayer and I still had my powers," she argued.

"That is very true. That is also why I took the liberty of calling the prison and speaking with her. I did not let on what had happened to you but I did ask her if anything strange had happened in the last month or so. She was puzzled at first but did admit to waking up in the middle of the night a few weeks back to a strange sensation she compared to an adrenaline rush, and said that she has had more strength since then. I believe that since you were only technically dead for a very short period of time, just long enough for your heart to stop beating but not long enough for your brain to die. It must have been just long enough for a portion of your power to move on and after your second death and the rest of that power must have been drawn to its other piece in Faith. You were always stronger than Kendra and Faith," he told her gently. He tried to break the news as gently as possible. He didn't want to give her false hope.

Buffy felt her hope sinking. She heard herself tell Giles thank you and then put the phone on the counter without even hanging it up. In a daze she almost floated up to her room and sat down on the bed. She couldn't believe it. There was no way for her to get her Slayer powers back. That just left her with the option of becoming a vamp again because as far as she was concerned, staying like she was out of the question. She didn't know how Anya did it, living each day with a piece of yourself missing. She would rather lose an arm than feel this emptiness inside. She pulled herself out of her desolate state and grabbed the phone on her bedside table to call Anya. She was hoping that the former vengeance demon had time to talk.

She raised the phone to her ear, expecting to hear the dial tone but was surprised to hear voices on the other end. She must have forgotten to hang up the other line. As she stood up to go and hang up the other phone she had her hand halfway to putting it back on the hook when she heard something that made her pause. It was Xander and Spike arguing over something.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Spike had responded to a jab from Xander. "I don't rightly care what you think about me. Never have and never will, all I care about is that you don't do somethin' stupid and make things harder for Buffy than they already are," Spike ground out with his jaw clenched.

"All I said was don't expect me to forgive you for all the crap you pulled. I never said anything about making things harder for her," Xander shot back. "But speaking of Buffy, I do have one thing to say."

"Go ahead, let's hear it then. Is this the 'you hurt her and you're dust' speech, because I'll hand you the stake if I hurt the girl. I know you may be under the impression that I can't, but I do love her and hurting her is the last thing I want," Spike said.

"I know. I've had a few wake up calls lately and I realize that you love her, but that's not what this is about. This is the 'If she can't be a Slayer again, you better not turn her or you'll be sorry,' speech," Xander informed him.

Spike growled. "Now you listen here whelp…"

"NO," Xander cut him off, slamming his hand on the kitchen counter. "You listen to me bleach brain. Anya told me about some of the stuff she did after she lost her mojo and she said the only reason she stopped was because of me. Buffy is in a bad place right now and she's vulnerable and probably not thinking straight. If Giles tells her she can't be the Slayer again she may get the bright idea to have you vamp her, and if you do I will make you hurt. She doesn't deserve the half life you have to live as a vamp and she shouldn't have to deal with a demon holding up shop inside of her."

Spike growled. "You don't know me at all you git. If you did, you wouldn't be here saying that to my face. First off, Buffy would tear you a new one if she heard you tryin' to make decisions for her again. Secondly, I would never offer it to Buffy, she would have to ask me because I don't like the idea of her bein' a vamp and livin' in the dark anymore than you do. It nearly broke me when I woke up and found out what happened the first time and I don't look forward to goin' through that again. But, if she did come to me and ask, even though I would try to talk her out of it, if it was somethin' she really needed them you lot would have no say in it because it's Buffy's choice, not yours. Even if I agreed, I would try to get her to hold it off for a while at least, so that she could make sure it's what she really wants. Even if I could convince her to hold off until Dawn graduates, it would take a lot of convincin'. Maybe by then she will have had enough time to change her mind, but it's still HER decision no matter how much we're all against it. She deserves the sunshine." Spike let silence fall after his words, choosing to stare Xander down instead.

"You're seriously against it?" Xander finally asked, sounding confused.

Spike sighed. "Yes, for reasons that are none of your business. So are we done here?"

"Yeah, I was just dropping Dawn's wallet off. She left it at the shop. But Spike…" Xander answered but paused, sending Spike a quick glare. "Your feelings on the subject don't change anything. If you turn Buffy, I'll take a leaf out of Anya's book."

Back upstairs, Buffy heard Spike snort shortly followed by a door closing. Just as she was about to put the phone down again, she heard the distinct sound of a glass as it slid across the counter. It was followed by a loud crash and a shatter as it most likely hit the kitchen wall. Frowning, Buffy finally hung up the phone and just stared at it. Xander had really gotten to Spike but not in the way he was hoping. She knew her vampire and right then he was most likely downstairs pacing in frustration because he was feeling powerless about the entire situation. Buffy felt a sudden surge of affection for the man over his defense of her and it was finally hitting home that no matter what, she could count on him to stand beside her when she needed him.

She made her way downstairs and found Spike with a broom and a dustpan. He was sweeping broken glass off of the floor. The sight of the big bad cleaning up made a small giggle escaping her lips and caused Spike to look up from his task.

He saw her standing in the doorway to the kitchen, hand over her mouth, trying to hide the smirk. Embarrassed at being caught, Spike quickly finished up and put his supplies away and stopped in front of the grinning woman. He rubbed the back of his neck as he looked at her from under his lashes he said, "Sorry 'bout the cup luv, I'll get it replaced."

Buffy leaned forward and pulled him into a hug which he returned whole heartedly. "It's fine, I'm sure the mug was asking for it. Is everything moved into the basement now?" Buffy asked as she leaned back from the hug and took a step back to see him better.

"Yeah, all done. Was that the Watcher on the phone earlier?" It was Spikes turn to ask a question. Any improvement his mood had gained evaporated as he watched the smile on Buffy's face fall, and he could see her withdrawing into herself again, shutting down.

"Um, yeah," she answered quietly. "He called to let me know he found out something about my  
Slayer-ness. Looks like I'm stuck this way. He'll tell everyone more about what he found later, but the short story is, it looks like Buffy is going to be getting those gray hairs after all."

"Oh, luv, I'm sorry," Spike told her as she crossed her arms over her stomach as if to hold her emotions in.

"It's okay, everything will work out in the end. At least I'm not dead. That's a bonus I guess. I think I'm going to go for a walk, I'll be back in time to make dinner," she droned. She turned to leave but paused and quickly turned back around again, surprising Spike with one more tight hug. "I love you," she whispered before letting go and hurrying out of the kitchen. She ran out the front door into the sunlight where an extremely shocked Spike was unable to follow.

Spike stood there, frozen in place until Dawn came in through the front door after getting home from school. When he heard the unmistakeable sound of his niblet throwing her book bag at the foot of the stairs, he was finally able to snap out of it.

Dawn walked into the kitchen to find Spike pacing around the kitchen island, muttering. Unable to make out what he was saying, she waited for him to notice her. After his fifth lap, Dawn decided to give a not so subtle cough to try and get his attention. Spike looked up and finally noticed Dawn. "Sooo, what's up with the pacing and the crazy person muttering? Do I need to be worried?"

Spike made his way to stand in front of Dawn and grabbed her by the shoulders, holding her at arms length, an intense look on his face. "Buffy said she loved me," he told her seriously.

"That's a bad thing?" Dawn asked confused by his behavior.

Spike let her go and ran his hands through his hair as he stood up straight and glanced at the ceiling before he looked back at Dawn, sporting a small smile. "No," he admitted almost bashfully, but then his face became a mixture of excitement and confusion as he continued. "But she said it and left to go for a walk before I could even say anything back to her. Almost as if it was an after thought. What does that mean, Bit? I am so confused."

Dawn laughed at his panicked behavior. "Calm down. Just talk to her when she gets back. She probably chickened out at the last second and bolted," she said, trying to give him some peace of mind. "When it comes to emotions, Buffy is such a coward, but she has had some really bad experiences. Demons twice her size, no problem. Love? Well that's a different story. Think about it, after you showed up with the gem of Amara and tried to kill her, it was business as usual. But when you told her you loved her, what did she do? She revoked the invite you had had since You helped out with Acathala."

Spike paused to let that sink it. "You have a point, niblet. You're right. I'll just talk to Buffy after dinner. Don't worry though, I'll be easy on her. Don't want to scare her off now, do I?" he smiled, finally relaxed.

…

Buffy returned just before sunset. After she looked in and saw Dawn and Spike both pouring through her school books, she went to start dinner. Spike saw Buffy and followed after her as she made her way into the kitchen. He came up behind her while she looked through the fridge and gave her a quick kiss on the head as he hugged her from behind. Buffy melted back into him and sighed.

Before he released her to head back into the living room to finish helping Dawn with her homework, he leaned down to whisper in Buffy's ear. "I love you too."


	21. Chapter 20

WARNING! This chapter comes with a trigger warning. If you are sesitive to the topic of suicide please be wary.

(((((((((())))))))))

When Spike chose to not make a big deal out of Buffy's confession, she was extremely relieved. Dinner had been a comfortable affair and Spike had left for a few hours afterwards to patrol. He got back in around 2 am and Buffy was still awake, waiting up for him so they could go to bed together. When he asked her if she'd been waiting up for him, Buffy admitted reluctantly that she had. That she felt anxious when she tried to sleep without him.

"I used to just be able to close my eyes and I could feel you, but now I just feel empty," Buffy told him.

"Well then, I'm just goin' to have to make sure you get all filled up," he leered.

Buffy rolled her eyes but was unable to stop her blush. "Pig"

"Oink oink," he teased as he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her in for a bone melting kiss.

Buffy moaned as they used their hands and mouths to explore each other. When it began to seem like things were heating up, Buffy cut Spike off and pulled herself back.

Spike was a little put out when she stopped, but he just smiled at her to hide his disappointment. He was still trying not to push her. When she smiled back though, he decided that he didn't care about the sex after all, as long as he had her.

"I love you," Buffy said confidently. She watched as her words made Spikes face light up, and shifted his resigned expression into one of pure joy. She took him by the hand and gently pulled him up the stairs and then to her room and led him to the bed, shocking him for the second time that day as they continued where they had left off downstairs.

That was the first night they made love. They spent the rest of the night slowly worshiping each other until just before dawn when they finally fell asleep, wrapped around each other, completely sated.

The rest of the week flew by as Willow and Tara moved into 1630 Revello Dr. Buffy appeared for all intents and purposes to be adjusting to her human life even more quickly than she did to her Slayer or Vampire ones. Spike was relieved that despite the bad news her Watcher had given her, that she never asked him about turning her. After the first week of Spike spending every night in the house, Buffy casually suggested that Spike move some of his stuff over. She cleared out a drawer for him and even went as far as to ask him what kind of bath stuff he used so she could buy some for their house. Spike was on cloud nine.

Giles came back the next day and called a Scooby meeting at the Magic Box. He broke the news to everyone this time instead of just Buffy. The reactions were just as she expected they would be. The only exception was the quick warning glare that Xander shot Spike. Buffy pretended not to notice, she was done playing that game.

Everyone was watching Buffy in the following days, happy to see the changes in her. She seemed happier and more energetic. As if finding out there was nothing she could do had finally lifted a weight off of her shoulders. Only Spike saw how she still cried at night or knew exactly how little sleep she was getting. He was thrilled that Buffy had finally thrown herself into their relationship and that her friends had conceded defeat, that they were allowing her to live her own life. Spike couldn't help but be wary though, he could tell that she was holding something back.

Five days before she was due to start her job at the laundry mat, Buffy surprised Dawn with a trip to the beach. She wrote Dawn a note to stay home from school and they took the bus to the beach. They both ended up getting slightly sunburnt and came back with twin smiles smelling of the sand and sea. Since it was a Friday, Buffy told Dawn she could stay the night at Janice's, so Buffy sent her sister off with a big hug and a promise to get the film developed from the beach trip with her first paycheck. After a quick phone call, Buffy decided that it was time to go wake Spike up for the day.

After a pleasant awakening and a sensual round of lovemaking -where Spike took the time to memorize the smell of the beach on his girls skin- they laid together in the bed and talked about everything and nothing at all. When the sun set, Buffy suddenly remembered a promise she made to Giles, and after putting on the biggest puppy dog eyes and pouty lip routine she could pull off, she convinced Spike to run a bunch of books over to Giles apartment and return them. She was going to stay behind and take shower to finally wash the sand off.

Twenty minutes later, Spike, balancing a stack of books was knocking on Giles's front door. It was oddly enough Willow who answered.

"Spike? Where's Buffy, I figured she'd be with you?" Willow asked as she looked over his shoulder for her friend.

Spike was confused. "She's back at the house showering off the sand from her trip to the beach. Don't expect there to be any hot water left for the rest of the night," he answered.

"But she's the one who told all of us to be here at 9. It's 9:10 now, I thought you were both just running late," Willow explained as she moved over to let Spike into the house.

As soon as she moved to the side, Spike was able to see that everyone except Dawn was inside and looking at him in their own confusion. Spike suddenly got a horrible feeling in his gut. Something wasn't right.

"Did Buffy say when she'd be along?" Giles asked from his position in one of his living room chairs.

Spike shook his head 'no'. "Somethin's not right here. She didn't say anything about a meeting. She just asked me to bring these books to you because she promised you she would have 'em back tonight."

Giles took off his glasses and began to clean them. "That's rather odd…," he trailed off.

Before anyone else could say anything Giles phone rang. Anya was the closest so she picked it up.

"Giles residence, Anya speaking," she chirped then paused as the person on the line replied. "Not a problem Buffy just let me find the speaker button." Anya pulled the phone away from her head and took a second to put the phone on speaker. "Go ahead, I think I have it."

"Hello, can everyone hear me?" Buffy's voice echoed from the phone.

"Yes Buffy, we can all hear you, what is the meaning of this?" Giles demanded.

"First off, is everyone there? Did Spike make it yet?" Buffy asked. Everyone turned their eyes to the vampire standing in the still open doorway.

"Yes, Buffy, everyone's here, includin' me. What's goin' on?" Spike answered with a question of his own.

"Okay, good. Before I say anything else, I just want it to be made clear that I love Spike, and I'm happy that everyone has backed off and has let me make my own decisions without nit picking them to death. With that being said, I am doing this because I want it to be one hundred percent clear that this was my decision and in no way is this anyone's fault but mine. I heard you talking to Spike in the kitchen the other day, Xander, and I knew that this was the only way I'd be able to make you understand," Buffy spoke from her end of the phone. It was giving a strange echo with her words, as if she was in a small room or the bathroom.

Spike's stomach dropped along with all the books he was holding. "Buffy, what are you doing? What conversation are you talkin' about?" Spike demanded to know as he looked back and forth between the phone and Xander, who was sitting on the couch, face ashen. It seemed that he had figured out that there was only one possible conversation that she could be talking about.

Buffy sighed over the phone. "The one where Xander threatened horrible vengeance on you if you turned me or even let me talk you into turning me. The same one where you expressed your fear of turning me and said you'd try to talk me out of it." Silence filled the phone line as the implications of what she was saying began to sink into the group. Buffy continued."Well, here is my solution to that. Don't worry, Spike. I'll make sure that they all know that you had no choice and you don't need to feel bad. You'll be saving me like Dawn did. I get it now, she really did save me. This is why I never asked Spike to turn me after Giles said I couldn't be the Slayer again, it would have hurt him to much. Now I know that it takes about 5 minutes at a full out sprint to make it from Giles house to here, only two minutes to bleed out… So assuming Spike is already out the door, then I'll be hanging up in a minute to cut my leg open. You have sixty seconds to try to talk me out of it…starting now."

Buffy was right, Spike had turned and bolted as soon as the word 'turning' had come out of her mouth. The rest of the group sat in stunned silence for a moment before Anya broke the bubble with three softly spoken words. "Good luck, Buffy." And with that, the line went dead.

…

Spike ran. He ran as hard and as fast as his body would let him, and then he pushed it even further. He made it back to the house in four minutes and barely paused to get through the front door. Once inside, he was hit hard with the smell of fresh blood, a lot of it. He followed his nose and flew up the stairs and immediately went to bathroom where he was hit with an image that would haunt him until the day he dusted. Buffy, sitting in the bath tub in her pink bikini, unconscious and completely surrounded in blood. It was pooling in the tub and running down the drain as it poured out of her leg. Buffy still held the dagger she had used to open her artery limply in one hand, while the other arm hung out of the tub along with her head. She had already lost so much blood and Spike could barley make out a heartbeat.

He practically slid across the bathroom floor to get to her. He sat her up and shook her. "Buffy! Buffy open your eyes please, luv!" He begged as he felt the tears leak out of his own. He heard her moan before her eyes fluttered open. She looked at him but was unable to focus on his face.

"Love you…sor…sorry…," Buffy was barley able to whisper before her eyes shut again and her head lolled forward.

"Fuck! BUFFY!" he yelled as he heard her heart falter. A litany of cuss words flew through his brain, but he was finally able to make the decision to act. Still holding her up, he brought his wrist to his mouth and bit down. He felt his own blood well up in his mouth as he brought Buffy closer to him and hold her still. When he held his bleeding wrist up to her lips, she automatically latched on and began to drink down his blood in large gulps. He was relieved that he wasn't too late, but still terrified by the entire situation. Spike began to rock them gently side to side while he murmured words of love and encouragement into Buffy's ear the entire time. He could feel himself tiring slightly at his own blood loss, but refused to take his wrist away. The more she took, the stronger she would be when she rose, and hopefully more like her old self. He refused to mess this up.

When her heart stopped and he felt her go limp, Spike let his wrist drop as he sobbed against her. Unsure of how long he lay there beside the tub, he was barley aware of the presence of someone else in the bathroom until he heard the door close. Looking up, he saw Giles standing by the sink, his face a mask of horror.

"Good lord, she really did it," he whispered as he came closer to the pair.

Spike growled as his gameface sprang forward and Giles paused. "I'll take care of her, just go," he demanded before turning his back on Giles again.

Giles could tell a man on the edge when he saw one, and he knew Spike meant business. So with one more look at the girl he considered his daughter, he turned to leave, pausing with his hand on the knob. "Did you make it in time?" he asked over his shoulder.

Spike swallowed around the lump in his throat, not taking his eyes off of Buffy's body. "Yeah, it's done."

With a heavy heart, Giles left the two alone in the bathroom to go and break the news to everyone who was waiting downstairs.


	22. Chapter 21epilogue

For three nights, Spike laid in bed with Buffy, refusing to leave her as she went through the change once again. Tara came in every morning and night to give Spike blood, claiming he needed his strength for when Buffy woke up. Spike drank it wordlessly each time and handed the mugs back immediately. Aside from Tara, the only other person to come into the room was Dawn when she got home on Sunday night. He barley heard the door open and close over the noise of whatever the rest of the Scoobies were doing in the basement. He had heard Xander come over Saturday morning and start some sort of project, but Spike hadn't had the energy to pay attention to what was going on down there. Spike listened as Dawn sprinted up the stairs only to pause at Buffy's bedroom door. He heard her take a deep breath before he was able to see the door open and Dawn cautiously slide inside.

Dawn took a good look at the scene on the bed. Spike sat up against the head board, his hair an unruly mess of curls with a pajama clad Buffy held to his chest. She was stretched out between his spread legs. Spike watched Dawn, he looked wild where Buffy just looked peaceful. "Spike?" Dawn whispered as she walked up to the bed, slowly.

"Hey Dawn," Spike responded evenly.

Dawn stopped about a foot from the bed and looked down at Buffy with sad eyes. "It's true? She really forced you to turn her?" she asked quietly.

Spike nodded his head 'yes'. "Yeah, I've had a lot of time to think about it and I'm fairly sure she thought she was doin' it the best why she knew how. If she had asked I may have said no, and even if I said yes, her mates would have blamed me. She really covered all her bases," Spike admitted bitterly. He said he understood, but he was also furious.

"That explains our random beach sister fun day on Friday. I think she was telling the sun goodbye. Also, she kinda asked me if I was okay with her being vamped again," Dawn stated,  
unable to take her eyes off her sister.

Spike narrowed his eyes at the teen. "Are you tellin' me you knew she was goin' to do this?" he demanded through clenched teeth.

Dawn saw his anger and took a step back, holding her hands up in surrender. "No! She just asked if something happened and she got turned again, if I was still okay with having a vampire for a sister. I just told her as long as she was happy and not killing anybody but bad guys, I was fine with it. I didn't know she was going to do this. I swear, Spike! You have to believe me," she rushed out to try and redirect his ire.

Spike saw Dawn's panic and forced himself to calm down. He let out a deep breath and said, "I believe you. This whole thing is on Buffy. I'm sure that's exactly the way she wanted it too. Look niblet, why don't you go get some dinner and some rest? You have school tomorrow and I don't think you can miss anymore days."

Dawn relaxed, letting her hands fall back to her sides. "Okay, I'll see you after school tomorrow then. Goodnight, Spike. Try to get some sleep, okay?"

Spike shooed her away with a grin and watched her leave. He had some more to think after that little conversation, but he decided that Dawn was right and he should try to get some sleep.

He didn't wake up until Tara brought him breakfast that next morning. After chugging it and thanking the timid Wicca, he was left alone with his thoughts and the sounds of the house. Tara's visit had slightly pulled him out of his trance and he was beginning to wonder what they were doing downstairs. Not enough to leave Buffy, but it was put on his list of things to check out. Dawn did as promised and poked her head in the door after school, but when she saw no change, she just gave a small wave before moving along to her own room. When Spike felt the sun begin to set, his nerves picked back up again and he was unable to take his eyes off the woman in his arms. The minutes stretched by as the filtered light in the room began to wane. He could tell all activity at 1630 Revello Dr. had come to a stand still as even the house seemed to be holding its breath.

The first indication Spike had that anything was happening was a subtle twitch in Buffy's shoulders. He didn't have long to contemplate the movement before Buffy's eyes snapped open and she took a big breath. As soon as Buffy began to breath, she scanned the room, slightly panicked. He could feel her reach for the bond between them as she tried to orient herself to her surroundings. He knew the moment she found it because she relaxed and calmed her breathing.

"Spike?" Buffy questioned. She was unable to see him because of the way he was holding her.

At the sound of his name, Spike tightened his hold on her and leaned forward, putting his mouth directly beside her ear. "Do you have any idea how angry I am, Buffy?" he whispered, almost soothingly. He felt Buffy shiver, unsure if it was from fear or pleasure. "You could have died from pulling somethin' like that," he managed to say calmly, but his tone was venomous.

Buffy had never heard Spike sound so angry. She would have been less worried if he would have yelled. The way he talked, so low into her ear made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. "I'm sorry that I hurt you, but I'm not sorry to be a vampire again," she conceded. Buffy refused to apologize for doing what she saw as making herself better. In her mind, she had been sick and this was the only cure.

Spike growled in his chest, the sound barley escaping. "Hurt? You ripped my heart out, I saw you die and…"Spike choked up as his growling stopped. He swallowed the lump in his throat before he continued to speak in hushed, serious tones. "I have never felt so helpless, not even when you had that stake held up to Dru's heart, not when I was stuck in the initiative labs, not even when I realized that this chip stopped me from feeding. I've never felt as helpless as I did finding you like that. If I didn't love you so damn much, I would have been long gone from Sunnyhell before you even woke up."

Buffy was shocked. She knew Spike would be angry with her, but the way he was talking made it seem as if he was going to leave her. He made it sound like he had only stuck around to make sure she rose. Buffy felt her heart breaking. She began to shake as she fought back tears.

Spike could feel her shaking and he smelt the salt of her tears without even having to look at her face. With an internal sigh, he turned her around so she was sitting across his legs instead of in-between them. He heard the first sob just as he took her cheek into his hand, turning her to face him. She looked at him with watery, sad eyes as her lip trembled. Spike was never good with tears and it went doubly so with the woman he loved. "Don't cry, sweetness, I'm the one that's supposed to be upset, not you. Your ruining my big moment. I had it all planned out. I was goin' to scold you and then you'd beg for my forgiveness and I would reluctantly give in, and we'd spend the rest of the night in bed while I let you make it up to me," Spike said playfully, hoping to pull Buffy out of her sadness with a little humor. It just made her cry harder.

"But your going to l-leave me! You said so," Buffy stuttered through her tears.

"When the bleedin' hell did I say I was going to leave you?" he questioned, utterly confused.  
Buffy forced herself to calm down before she answered. "You said if you didn't love me you'd have left before I woke up. But I'm awake now, so you're just going to leave me like everyone else. So just hurry up and get it over with," she fumed.

Spike threw his head back and banged it on the wall in frustration before looking at Buffy again. "That's it, you're completely off your bird. I don't know how you managed to jump to that conclusion, but you have managed to surprise me again." He grabbed both sides of of her face and forced her to look him in the eyes. "Now you listen here, Elizabeth Anne Summers," he saw her eyes go wide at her full name. "I helped pack up your mums things, I saw your birth certificate, but that's another conversation. Buffy, I have said it before and I will say it again, and I need you to understand. I love you and I won't leave you even if you tell me to. You'd have to dust me first. Now do you finally underst…" Spike was cut off when Buffy suddenly leaned forward and captured his mouth with hers.

…

At the same time in the living room downstairs, all of the Scoobies, including Dawn had gathered to wait for news on Buffy. Everyone was too on edge for pretend small talk, so they all just sat around and silently watched the T.V.

A loud bang was suddenly heard from upstairs and they all jumped.

"Oh no, do you think something went wrong?" Dawn asked as she looked towards the ceiling, wringing her hands. Before anyone could answer or get up the nerve to go investigate, a loud moan was heard coming through the ceiling.

"I'd say something went right. That's not a fight moan that's a…" Anya was cut off by Xander's hand.

"Everything's fine, Dawn. Why don't we all go out for ice-cream and then you, Willow, and Tara can stay the night with me and Anya? What do you say?" Xander babbled while everyone looked at the ceiling again after another moan was heard.

"I'm not stupid, I know what they're doing, but ice-cream sounds good and I really don't want to be around to hear them boinking, so let's go." Dawn stood up before anyone could argue and headed straight out the front door. After one more look towards the ceiling after a particularly loud squeal, the rest of the group rushed to follow her.

…

When Buffy and Spike made their way out of bed the next day, the only person in the house was Tara who appeared to be prepping a roast to cook in the crockpot. When she saw the sleepy eyed couple drag themselves into the kitchen, stretching and then rubbing at their eyes, she flashed them a bright smile. "Good afternoon," Tara greeted warmly as she wiped her hands dry on a dish towel. "I guess you both must be hungry. The fridge is stocked. I'll get you each a mug."

After several mugs drank in companionable silence, in which Tara continued to chop vegetables for the crockpot, Buffy broke the silence. "Thank you, Tara. I hate to ask, but can you tell me the damage?"

Tara raised one delicate eyebrow. "What do you mean, damage?" she asked.

Buffy bit her bottom lip and Spike moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist in a hug to help calm her nerves. "The fallout from me lying to everyone. I can only imagine how mad you all are," Buffy elaborated.

Tara laughed, surprising Buffy and Spike. "Not exactly the reaction she was expectin', Glinda," Spike smirked as he leaned on Buffy's shoulder to look at the witch.

"That first night was rough, I'm not going to lie, but let me show you something," Tara said as she motioned for them to follow her. She came from around the island and went straight to the basement door.

Spike and Buffy shared a confused look before they separated to follow Tara who was already halfway down the stairs. Now that the door downstairs was open, Spike could detect the strong scents of sawdust and copper. Once they were at the bottom of the steps, Tara hit the light. Instead of the wide open space marked with piles of boxes in one corner and a washer and dryer in the back, they saw that a wall had been built, blocking off a large section of the basement.

Buffy looked at the new wall, her attention focused on the deep brown, wooden door that was preventing them from seeing what was on the other side. "Tara, what's this? Did you guys do all of this while I was out?" Buffy asked. She had almost said asleep, but she kind of didn't want either of them to point out that she had technically died…again.

"Yes, between Xander and a few of his construction buddies, as well as a little magic to help with the pipework, we got this ready for you. We all decided to do this after we calmed down. Go ahead and take a look," Tara instructed with a nod towards the door.

Buffy didn't need to be told twice, she loved surprises. She opened the door with a tentative smile as Spike peeked around her to try and get a good look. Buffy took a step inside and took in the entire room. It was a bedroom The bed that was against the far wall was king sized, sporting a fluffy, navy comforter and it was sitting on a solid wrought, iron frame. Instead of a headboard, there was floor to ceiling curtains that gave it the illusion that the bed was right against a window. The walls were unpainted sheetrock, a blank canvas ready for anything. The only other furniture was a large cherry armoire to make up for the lack of closet space, along with matching dressers and matching bedside tables, each with their own lamp. It filled up the room nicely without overcrowding it. Buffy could even imagine a trunk being able to easily fit at the foot of the bed.

Spike whistled. "You lot have been busy, I was wonderin' what all that ruckus down here was for."

Tara nodded. "I put a noise dampening barrier around the basement, but it didn't cancel everything out," Tara admitted as she took a step forward and laid her hand on Buffy's shoulder to get her attention. Buffy was still busy taking in the room. "This is our way of saying we're sorry, and to let you know that we accept you and the choices you've made."

Buffy was taken aback. "Why would you guys need to apologize?" she asked.

Spike snorted. "Where should I begin?" he managed to ask before a well placed elbow to the ribs cut him off. He rubbed at the sore spot as he tried to hide his smug look.

Tara laughed softly at their antics. "For starters, after we calmed down and really talked it out as a group, we were able to admit that we probably pushed you into doing what you did. We are your friends but we made you feel like your choices weren't your own, and that you would be punished for doing anything we didn't agree with one hundred percent. Anya pointed out that you have always been supportive of us and that we don't always return the favor," Tara paused to catch her breath. This was the most either of them had ever heard the girl say at one time. She surprised them even more when she continued. "Giles admitted that he has always held you to a higher standard than everyone else and that we had managed to place you on a pedestal. That you felt obligated to try and uphold an unrealistic image of yourself for us. As a group, we came up with the idea of making you this safe place where you can rest peacefully.  
And as a show of good faith that we will be more supportive of your decisions in the future," Tara finished her speech by ducking her head, her hair falling forward to obstruct most of her face.

Buffy saw the shy girl shut down so she reached forward and took one of her hands. Buffy felt Tara shiver in reaction to her cold hand, but the witch didn't pull hers back. Tara peeked through her curtain of hair before using her free hand to tuck some of it behind her ear. "Thank you," Buffy was finally able to say as she gave Tara a soft smile. "This means a lot to me, and if you guys can forgive me, then I can do the same for you. Where is everyone today anyway?"

"Niblet better be at school, I told her no more missed days," Spike broke into their moment to add.

Tara confirmed she was with a nod. "Yes, and so is Willow. I only had a morning class. Everyone else is working. Also, if it's all right with you, Buffy, we would all like to have a big dinner tonight to clear the air and to get everyone on the same page again," Tara suggested.

"That sounds like a great idea. Afterwards, Spike and I can go on a patrol. It's been a while since we hit all the hot spots in one night, and I don't want any of the locals to think I've gone soft. I don't need any demons getting any bright ideas about ransacking my town," Buffy agreed as she began to make plans.

Spike watched Buffy light up with enthusiasm. She really seemed happy. He took a second to concentrate and he listened as best he could to the part that connected them. She felt him tug on it and sent him the biggest wave of contentment and warmth he had ever felt from her. She was finally happy again. While he had been focused on Buffy, she and Tara had finished talking,  
Tara made an excuse about getting dinner prepped before she made her way up the stairs and back to the kitchen, leaving Spike and Buffy standing alone in her new bedroom.

"So, what do you think?" Buffy suddenly asked him as she began to walk around the room, poking her head inside the armoire and then one of the dressers before she sat down on the king sized bed. Spike following her movements the entire time.

"It looks amazing, luv. Harris and his pals did a good job. Mr. Sunshine won't be a problem down here. What really matters is what you think though. It's your room," he answered as he began to walk around and explore himself.

Buffy laid back on the bed, legs still hanging off of the side while Spike poked his head inside the armoire himself. "I think it's too big," she mused, causing Spike to turn to face her after he closed the door.

"Too big?" He questioned.

Buffy wiggled around on the bed a bit, ruffling the comforter. "Yep," she popped the 'p'. "But I think it would be perfect if I had a room mate to share it with," she stated as she lifted her head up to send a meaningful look towards her boyfriend.

Spike froze and narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "Are you askin' me to move in with you?" he asked half afraid he misunderstood.

Buffy's face lit up before she sat back up on the bed. "Yes, I am. Spike, will you move in with me?" she asked with confidence that seemed to fade a moment later when Spike failed to answer instantly. "I'm not asking you to lose the crypt or anything, because that would just be too much for me to assume, plus you could use it if you needed to escape for a while, seeing as you'd be living in a house full of women. Plus we could totally hang out there after patrols if we don't feel like coming straight home and…" Buffy was cut off by a Spike shaped projectile that slammed her back onto the mattress and would have squeezed the air out of her if she had needed to breath.

Spike was overwhelmed. She wanted him completely in her life, going as far as sharing a house and a bed with him. Not just the temporary or occasional thing they had had going before now, but something permanent. He tackled her into the bed and pulled her tight against him. When he was sure he could speak without choking up, he finally gave his answer. "Yes, it would be my pleasure to move in here with you, kitten."

Buffy returned the hug. "I love you."

Spike basked in the feeling of peace he had at that moment, holding the woman he loved in their room, on their bed. He was happy. "I love you too."

…

…

Epilogue

Six years later…

"Are you sure you guys don't want to stay, it's not a problem, really. Even if it's just another week?" Buffy offered one last time as she placed the final box in the back of Xander's truck.

"Buffy, for the last time, it's fine. Tara and I will be fine on our own. Besides, we talked about this. Dawn has been living in the UCS dorms for two years now and both Tara and I have our Masters. Don't you think it's about time for you and Spike to finally have the house all to yourselves?" Willow argued while she scanned the truck bed to double check that they had grabbed everything.

Xander walked around the side of the truck and slammed the tailgate closed. "All set?" he asked his two best friends.

Willow turned to Xander to ask for assistance with Buffy. "Xander, can you tell Buffy that we'll be fine?"

"They'll be fine, Buff, you were fine with this yesterday. What happened to change your mind?" Xander asked as he leaned back against the pickup.

Buffy sighed deeply, sounding exhausted. "Okay, look, here's the thing. Dawn is coming home to stay for the weekend and she's bringing you know who, and I would just really like a little backup. I'm not a good peace keeper and I'm afraid you might have to come and repair all the walls, maybe even replace all of the furniture. You know what happened last month when she first introduced them, it was a disaster!" Buffy admitted to her smirking friends.

Xander couldn't stop from laughing. "Leave it to Dawn to start dating the only kid with super strength and reflexes to counter a vampire's, especially after Spike said…" Xander paused for effect, then continued in his best Spike imitation "'No daughter of mine is goin' to date anyone unless they can take me in a fight.' I mean, he's really taking the dad roll seriously since you guys found out the monks used both of you to make Dawn. I myself, find it hilarious." Xander's grin was so big it looked like it was about to split his face.

Willow was trying to hide her smile behind her hands. "Connor is a good kid. I really think that he'll grow on Spike eventually. Even you like him despite who is father is, and that's saying something."

Buffy frowned. "Let's not talk about, Angel, please. Even Connor doesn't keep contact with him."

Before anymore could be said on the subject, the front door to the house swung open and a small, dark haired little boy of about four years old came running out and headed straight for the group of friends. "Daddy! Look what Uncle Spike gave me!" the little boy yelled excitedly. He skidded to a stop right in front Xander and held up a giant rainbow swirl lollipop, just long enough for his daddy to see that it was a big as his face. He then proceeded to fit as much of it as he could into his mouth.

Xander groaned and shot a dirty look towards the house where Spike was slowly walking out the front door, holding a beer loosely in his left hand, wearing a cavalier grin. "Damnit, Spike, he's supposed to go to bed in an hour. There's no way he'll get to sleep after eating that much sugar. Anya is going to kill me," Xander whined, irritated with the smug vampire.

"Consider that payback for that horrible impression of me, Harris. Well, that, and for last Saturday when you asked us to watch the little nipper before you dropped him off after a nap and a chocolate milkshake. Never thought I'd ever see anyone with more energy than me," Spike countered.

Xander rolled his eyes then looked down to pick up his son. "Come on, Alex, let's get you in your seat." Xander looked at Buffy. "I'll see you later, Buffy, good luck this weekend. I'm sure Giles and Olivia won't mind a guest if you kick out bleach boy," he said before he turned back to Spike again. "I'll see you for pool on Saturday where I will be getting my revenge for the impending sugar rush."

Spike chuckled. "I'll be there, but don't count on my losin'."

A few minutes later, Willow waved goodbye to Spike and gave Buffy a hug before she climbed into the truck with Xander and little Alex. Spike and Buffy watched them drive away towards Willow and Tara's new apartment. After they turned the corner, Spike heard Buffy sigh sadly before leaning her head on his shoulder.

He looked down at her. "What's that all about luv? You missin' the witches already," he theorized as he took a quick swig of his beer before he closed rest of the small gap between them and pulled her into a hug.

Buffy snuggled into his chest, inhaling a lungful of his scent and relaxing. "Yes and no. The house is just going to be so quiet now," she said softly into his shirt.

Spike chuckled. "Your just goin' to miss Tara's house keepin' and Willow's constant need to keep fresh baked cookies in the jar, aren't you?" he called her out.

Buffy groaned. "Yesss, it's not fair, hers are just perfect for dunking in blood. Now I'm going to have to learn to bake!" she exclaimed.

Spike turned his head to the side and took the last drink of his beer before he dropped the empty bottle onto the lawn. Buffy only had enough time for a quick, "Hey! You can't just leave that there!" before he had picked her up and thrown her over his shoulder, delivering a firm smack to her ass. Buffy "eeped!" as he turned and headed inside so they could finally enjoy having the house all to themselves.

~FIN~


End file.
